Do you forgive people easily ?

[Miss_apollo7]

For me, it all depends on what that person has done to make me upset or angry...I have forgiven people many times, and in most cases I wanted a reasonable explanation, which I think is fair.

If it is really serious, I can not forget... But, this has not happened to me yet....People are usually nice to me....I want to think...

[Fantt]

Life is too short to be upset with people over things in which major bodily injury or death did not occur. I think I forgive awfully easily, even without an apology. Holding a grudge against someone, for whatever reason causes suffering, and I'd rather just chill.

I used to get really mad while driving when people cut me off or did something horribly rude. I realized that getting mad like that didn't help me get anywhere any faster and just made the trip less enjoyable, so I just quit getting mad. I've found the same thing works for most stuff in life. Anger just leads to feeling bad. I'd rather feel good.

[miu]

Japanese people expect you to apologize even if it's not your fault. No matter if you are the victim, you caused somebody to wait for you, and must apologize.

I had a really hard time understanding why the japanese who were abducted in Iraq had to apologise but after getting to know the whole ie concept it's not so weird after all. After all, they had brought "shame" to their ie (the Japanese nation) by being abducted (they weren't supposed ot be in Iraq in the first place and the government had to spend money on getting them back). The group goes first, right?

Wouldn't you, too, start your sentence with "I'm sorry I'm late, but..." when you're late for an appointment even though it's not your fault? For me the apology and explanation just sort of goes together. I expect people to give me an explanation because otherwise it just seems like they didn't bother to come on time or whatever... I forgive really easily, though. Espescially if I get treated nicely afterwards ^^; The problem is that I expect other people to forget as easily as I do and unfortunately I'm late a lot and very forgetful sometimes... *_*; Besides, I really hate it when some people remember that one thing you did wrong 10 years ago and never let it go. It just makes you feel like no matter what you do, you can never make it better so why even bother to behave better?

[ragedaddy]

No one is perfect in this world, and we all make mistakes so there is little we can do to avoid that. When it comes to forgiving though, it depends on the severity of the actions, and also on how remorseful that person is about their actions. Insincerity will get you no where in my book, so it better be straight from the heart, or you can forget it.

[mad pierrot]

Forgive me if I pulled the plug on Jref?

[Elizabeth]

For me, it all depends on what that person has done to make me upset or angry...I have forgiven people many times, and in most cases I wanted a reasonable explanation, which I think is fair.

If it is really serious, I can not forget... But, this has not happened to me yet....People are usually nice to me....I want to think...

I'd definately need an explanation as well in the case of someone really close if I sensed a negative shift in their feelings towards me. But I'm extremely picky in the people I want to know well, so that hasn't happened yet either.

The worst betrayal was at the hands of a trusted professor who ultimately asked me go after four years of struggle and indecision, which I of course had to do. And forgive/forget pretty much became a moot point without the chance at revenge. Some measure of understanding does come with time, though, and you see where other people are coming from much more clearly. If you have done well by them, any conflicts probably stem a lot more from their own problems and life situation than anything you did. Unless you happen to be incredibly naive and out of your element, which I can't deny being my weakness in those days....

[kirei_na_me]

Forgive me if I pulled the plug on Jref?

No.

...............................

[mad pierrot]

No.

Thank god I was only joking! For that matter, I couldn't even if I wanted to. That's Thomas and Maciamo's arena.

[kirei_na_me]

Awwwww, mad p....I know you can't do that. Even if you could and did, I'd probably still forgive you.

[TwistedMac]

... right after you had beaten him to death with his own legs.

[misa.j]

Not a lot of things bother me anymore. My patience grew as I grew older, having said that, I can't not keep any sort of relationships with disrespectful people, which means that I wouldn't be close enough to be upset by those people. I can't say that I am forgiving them by not giving them another chance.

When I am with my husband, my emotions are more fragile since there is no wall between me and him, the arguements can make us act not like ourselves sometimes, a single word "Sorry" might not be enough to explain how we really think.

[Shooter452]

I like to forgive any offense or slight done to me as quickly as possible. Carrying a grudge around hurts the one who carries it. When you put down that big bag of feces and move on, it is more healthy. Is it easy? No, of course not. Nothing good comes easily.

When it comes to me offending others, I always offer an appology as soon as I become aware of the offense. I never make deliberate offense these days. Granted, the opportunity is less now. But I am also older (therefore at least a little bit wiser). It all adds up in your karma counter, I guess.

There is another matter. As one who practices a deadly martial art, I must avoid confrontation at all times. And this is not only a matter of moral consequence. It is not worth my remaining days to be tied up with the legal consequence of taking another human life. An appology is much easier and much cheaper in legal fees (US lawyers cost 300 bucks an hour when in court!).

I am not much of Christian, but it is better to forgive even those who spite you than it is to get even.

[darkrikku66]

I dont think of getting an apology from people, even though i apologize all the time. When i get mad i tend to forgive and forget. its really hard but its better then keeping a grudge. i know that i would want people to do the same . you dont get anything from being mad all the time,It only makes you depressed.

[Lacan]

Sorry, I picked non japanese WOMAN! can someone change it please?

And if someone didn't have a good reason to betray me, there is no need to apologize, as I won't give him/her a second chance. I won't be angry, I'll just forget about him/her.

[ralian]

"Forgive and forget (even though it's difficult sometimes) " is my policy.
Carrying a grudge affects our health. (It's true )
If you want to live a healthy and happy life, forgive and forget.
That's what I think.

[smoke]

I am very intollerant of people being late...probably because i am always earlier for everything (i'll probably be early for my funeral, which is a scary thought).

Ricky Gervais said something very funny about people being late: no excue is good enough.
"My grandmother died"
"...well, you knew she was ill"

[Doc]

Forgive and forget are not a part of my vocabulary.

Doc

[lexico]

Sorry, I picked non japanese WOMAN! can someone change it please?

Some repressed libidinal force surfacing ? Freud didn't believe in mistakes.... sorry, just couldn't help it. I don't agree with him on that.

And if someone didn't have a good reason to betray me, there is no need to apologize, as I won't give him/her a second chance. I won't be angry, I'll just forget about him/her.

Is not being angered something you've learned ? Or do you transform it into forgetting as a trade off ?

I'm usually more vengeful; would rather keep him/her around for some bashing (non-physical). I'm more moving towards A. B. C.

A. "Don't get mad; just get even to get it over with."
B. "Totally cut off the relationship."
C. "Talk it out till I'm satisfied."

After a while I can forget (the pain), but the momory of breaching is there. So I could never revive a dead relationship.

[Doc]

Some repressed libidinal force surfacing ? Freud didn't believe in mistakes.... sorry, just couldn't help it. I don't agree with him on that.
Is not being angered something you've learned ? Or do you transform it into forgetting as a trade off ?

I'm usually more vengeful; would rather keep him/her around for some bashing (non-physical). I'm more moving towards A. B. C.

A. "Don't get mad; just get even to get it over with."
B. "Totally cut off the relationship."
C. "Talk it out till I'm satisfied."

After a while I can forget, but the momory of breaching is there. So I could never revive a dead relationship.

Lexico I can understand where you're coming from. For me I can forgive a person for what they did to me, but I can never forget, and that alone will prevent me from trying to revive the already dead relationship. I don't hold grudges much, and I'm not that vengeful. However, I will never forget when a person backstabs me in a relationship killing it off completely.

Doc

[ralian]

I've read about a person who forgave the murderer who killed her child.
I could not believe it, but it was a true story. She said, "I forgive him".
You might say, "Is she mad?"
At least she is free from the anger.
Anger kills us, really.

[Revenant]

Agree with Brooker. And actually, I forgive even those that don't ask forgiveness. I forget, and it's very hard for me to maintain hard feelings towards anyone.

To me, it makes sense anyways, as forgiving is letting go of negative feelings towards someone. Anger isn't exactly a happy emotion, so to be living the exerience again in memory, one also relives the anger. Worse yet, is that people always try to justify their feelings. People start to look for supporting facts to justify their feelings. It's unobjective, and is detrimental to happiness, in the way that, humans for the most part can only focus on one thing at a time. So you are focused on anger? How can you then also be focused on that which could make you happy?

I do feel closer to someone who sincerely apologizes. Anyways, my Japanese wife often says, I don't say I'm sorry often enough. I give reasons for being late, but it's just not a conditioned response for me to say sorry.

The other thing I was wondering, is that once, I was doing a TV conference lesson, and couldn't get the camera to connect with theirs. I was late by 10 minutes, and apologized, saying, my apologies for being late, but I couldn't connect. The students later called my boss, and complained that I was late. My wife said, that by saying sorry, I was accepting responsibility for being late. Therefore, the students assumed it was completely my fault.

Anyone else have any similar experiences?

[Maciamo]

In Italy, to keep the bella figura, when one is late for an appointment (which is frequent there), it is often better not to apologise but make up a story as an excuse and try not to take the lateness lightly and humouristically. It is almost the exact opposite of the formal apology with bowing and no excuse that the Japanese expect.

[monrepo]

I would forgive someone only if they apologized.

[Kinsao]

Hmmm... it's difficult to answer the question.
Usually I can forgive people very easily, because I think if you carry on to be angry for a long time, it gives them power over you. If you can forgive them, you can be stronger than they are and you are free from them.

But, I think it is much harder to forgive someone who has hurt badly someone you love.

[CC1]

But if you are late for something isn't your fault? I mean no matter what the reason, if you had left 5 minutes earlier you would have been either early or on time! So if you are late, you should be apologizing right?