You and (inquisitive) strangers

[Maciamo]

The discussion about being stopped by the police (in Japan) made me realise that part of what I really disliked about it was not the way they talked to me, but just the fact that they suddenly and unexpected disturbed me and were stepping on my privacy. I already don't like when a stranger starts talking to me in the street or on a train (my inner reaction is "what does this guy want ? leave me alone !"). I want to see how other people react.

Privacy and the acceptance of strangers varies across cultures. British people are more reserved about striking up a conversation with strangers than Americans or Australians, for instance. Many Brits wouldn't feel comfortable talking to someone they know surrounded by strangers in a restricted space (e.g. in a queue, a lift/elevator or the underground/subway).

[Tsuyoiko]

I don't like talking to people full stop. I especially hate small talk. I don't mind having a meaningful conversation with a good friend, but I hate things like going into the kitchen at work, as it's hard to avoid being talked at.

Be Silent yourself, that will induce Silence in others. Do not fall into the habit of shouting, talking long and loud. Reduce contacts to the minimum. Carry with you an atmosphere of quiet contemplation, wherever you happen to be. The less you talk, the more will become your mental power.

My tongue within my lips I rein: For who talks much must talk in vain.

I don't like people knocking on my door unexpectedly, unless it is the postman. I prefer they call first, preferably a week in advance.

I've only been stopped by the police once in my whole life, and that was my own stupid fault. If I'm behaving myself they have no need to stop me.

[Anchyyy]

1.2 I generally don't mind talking to a stranger, but rarely start conversations

A week ago i meet a woman in the park. I was sitting at the bench and waiting for my friend to come and suddenly she appeard like from nowhere. She asked my why do i look so sad and if i'm ok. I told her i'm bored and waiting for a friend. She wished me good luck and said that maybe we will see eachother again someday. She made me smile. It was a person i would like to talk with any time. I'm sorry because i haven't asked her for her telephone number or where she lives.
However... i never start a conversation with a stranger. I'm to shy i guess.

2.3 I dislike having strangers ringing at my door (except deliveries, etc.)

I hate those people that are going from house to house and selling calendars, towels and all this stuff. It seems silly to me. And if you don't buy something from them, they start to beg and in the end of it you can't get rid of them.

3.2 I don't mind being stopped by the police (e.g. routine ID check), as long as they are friendly

I won't say i like police, because i don't. But checking ID is their job and their job is what they have to do. I think it is nice if police is friendly, that they are not abusing their job. My mother had a stupid experience with police. She was driving home and she noticed a police car behind her, blinking with lights to her, to drive faster. She sped up and then they stopped her because she was driving to far. That's what i hate by police.

[kirei_na_me]

Coming from a small town in the Southern U.S., I see nothing wrong with making small talk with, or at least acknowledging, someone I don't know in cetain situations. I very often wave at someone on the street, even when I'm in my car, and even if I don't know them. If I am out walking, and I meet up with someone else walking or pass someone who's in their yard, I will at least say "hey" and/or smile and wave. To me, it's common courtesy to acknowledge someone you come into contact with like that. I think it's terrible not to. That's just the way I was raised.

Given all of that, I usually don't like engaging in conversation with random people. That can make me uncomfortable. It does depend on the person, though. It all depends on the situation.

As for people coming to my house, I hate having anyone come to my house unannounced. I really dislike that. My grandparents' generation sees nothing wrong with that, and think nothing of doing it to me, but I don't like it at all. Of course, they(grandparents) can't understand that. My grandma thinks I'm horrible for not having my door wide open at all times.

As for the police, I don't mind as long as they act decent. Fortunately, I've only dealt with nice cops, but then again, I have never been pulled for any kind of violation. I've never gotten a ticket or anything, and for that, I consider myself very lucky. Especially considering everything I've done.

[MeAndroo]

1.1

I end up talking to random people on a regular basis. It helps pass the time at the bank, post office, in line for food, wherever. It's usually just small talk, often complaining about the wait or something of that nature. I rarely get their name, however, and it's only in the most casual of situations.

2.3

There's a weird sense of vulnerability about going to someone's door, especially a stranger's. Anyone who ever did fundraisers as a kid knows that. But these days it's more often adults at my door, and only at inopportune times. I'm always courteous, but I really try to end the conversation as quickly as possible. It just makes me uncomfortable.

3.3

Getting stopped by the police rarely results in anything GOOD.

[PRIZMATIC]

Practically my dialogue - some people. When it was necessary to communicate (on work) I tried to reduce this dialogue up to a minimum. I even have thrown work, as is tired from dialogue with people. Now, with the brother, we organize the work through the Internet.
The theme of dialogue with representatives of "power structures" in the name - "forces structures" - explains all... In some countries they even polite, in some - candidates for "gestapo" of time" Nazi ( )Germany" or time of Russian "People's Commissariat of Internal Affairs" (millions people have been killed by this organization in Russia under the pretext of them " social re-education "... That "slavery" about which in one of "themes" somehow "someone" reflected...)

[misa.j]

Just like kirei, I live in a small town where people wave to each other on an occasion like driving slowly when you pass pedestrians or say "hi" to someone who is walking their dog even if you don't know them personally. I like the friendliness of people as long as the privacy is not invaded.
I have a hard time when my customers demand the same level of service from me when they see me outside my work. Some of them say, "I always say 'hi' to you when I see you, but you don't seem to recognize me." or "I saw you yesterday, but you didn't say anything." In my opinion, that's going over the line.

Fortunately, I haven't been bothered by random people knocking on my door lately. I might be living in a nice neigborhood that even the religious people don't come around. All of my friends have manners to call ahead before they come, plus I have a dog that notices a stranger.
I hated so much when that happened in Japan, though.

I never had a bad experience with police. They were always friendly and professional.

[-rika- shinya`]

1.5 I don't like talking to anybody with whom I am not well acquainted

hm..not that i don't like it but i'm just really awkward and awfully shy when talking to people i'm not acquainted with/strangers so i prefer not talking at all. i don't like small talks either..sometimes look down/away in situations to prevent that from happening. but it's good when strangers compliment you when walking by(etc. bout shoes/clothes) and i like that. of course..who doesn't?

2.3 I dislike having strangers ringing at my door (except deliveries, etc.)
2.4 I dislike having anybody ring at my door unexpectedly

when sales people(or people who come to do survey) ring at my door, we usually don't open it, they'll go away after a while. but luckily since living here 5 years ago, there was no salesperson at all, so good ne! If anyone wants to give me a visit, i would prefer if they ring me up a day before or at least, a few hours before they come over. i mean, if they are close relatives who come over all the time, it's okay. for others, i think it's a bit rude to come suddenly without calling first. and another thing is that i might not be at home at the time if they come over unexpectedly. but this hasn't happened as my friends usually call before coming.

3.2 I don't mind being stopped by the police (e.g. routine ID check), as long as they are friendly

yup..i don't mind at all. but i've only experienced it once, it wasn't bad like i think it was. i've never experienced it when i'm on a rush though, but if that happens, i think i might be a little irritated

[Minty]

In general I don't like to be bothered by strangers on the streets or stations, except if they ask for directions that they are lost that's ok.

In France we say "bonjour" to people who live in the same building as you, but whether to go ahead and have more conversation depends on the person. My husband seems to have this people quality, he can easily talk to people and be friends with people, and I can't.

Missionaries are rather annoying, and they are very clingy just won't go away, that's quite annoying.

Unlike people of South East Asia who like to talk to people they see on the mall I hate being approached by strangers.

There was one time I went back to M'sia, and I was purchasing long sleeves clothing from Benetton, there was a girl there out of the blue started complaining to me that why on earth would I buy long sleeves clothing, it's so hot in M'sia. And I didn't reply, continuing to choose my clothes, and she just kept on and on and won't leave me alone. I finally said something "What makes you think I live here? I could be a tourist?" Then she took the chance and tried to get me to talk more, I quickly finished up the choosing and went for fitting, when I came out I could still hear her nagging, unbelievable! I then went to pay up and left.

I get approached by men a lot on the streets or in public areas, it can be scary some times, and sometimes the men are quite rude, they do cat calling at you, and things, and those men are usually older.

[Mitsuo]

It depends on the atmosphere I guess.

I will usually keep to myself. But if someone strikes up a conversation with me, I usually am open to it. But if I'm in a bad mood then I will keep my answers short.

I hate it when people come to my door. Mostly because I have dogs, and they go nuts. Usually when people come to my door, I am in the middle of sleeping or walking around in my underwear. But I guess I can label myself a loner. My friends will call me up to do something, and I will say "Maybe next time" or "I'm busy". Although I don't mean it most of the time. I hate being disturbed at home. Especially on the phone. I hate the phone.

I also dislike being pulled over by the police. It takes too much time. I have only been pulled over twice, but got warnings on both accounts.
I guess I'm just easily annoyed.

[Mars Man]

I occasionally talk to strangers--of course depending on the situation and the vibes.

I don't really mind people just kind of popping in, when I'm at home. (living here in Japan, sometimes folks just open the sliding front door first, and then say 'is anyone home'--after having come into the entryway first!!

I am fairly easy-going, and laid back. I can let situations with strangers or unexpected guests get under my skin, but it's not common.

Getting pulled over by the police doesn't really bother me either. (and I have pulled them over on two occasions in my life, just to ask a stupid question--boy for the days of youthful frolic !!

[Nicky]

1.2 I generally don't mind talking to a stranger, but rarely start conversations

I dislike small talk, But I don't mind chatting every now and then. Even if it's about something I don't particularly care about I'll still chat with someone just out of politeness.

2.3 I dislike having strangers ringing at my door (except deliveries, etc.)

I dislike strangers knocking on my door unless they're friendly. Salespeople/ Jeovah's Witnesses, they're fine and I'll even sit and listen to them for awhile. I don't mind them as long as they aren't pushy and realize that "no thanks" does not mean "please bother me some more!".

3.3 I dislike being stopped by the police (e.g. routine ID check), even if they are friendly

I don't like being stopped by police, at least... I don't think I would if it ever happened. The police don't bother me.

[Kinsao]

1.1 I often strike up conversations with strangers.
What can I say? It's just me.
I hope not in an annoying or creepy way, though.

Maybe it's stretching a point to say 'often'... I don't seize on anyone I happen to be standing next to in line or something. But I sometimes comment on something to give a compliment... about someone's clothes or accessories... ask them if they made it themself or where they got it, something like that. People normally respond well to me, they seem pleased that someone noticed! :) Well, I can say that I speak when I choose, sometimes I am an antisocial git and don't want to talk to anyone but generally I feel people are often happy to be talked to... it is their reserve preventing it, and if no one speaks, everyone remains behind their walls...

2.3 I dislike having strangers ringing at my door (except deliveries, etc.)
It's not the fact that they're strangers that bothers me, it's the fact that they're trying to sell something. -_-
I actually rather like having people I know (friends and relatives) call unexpectedly. I like to think that my friends feel welcome to my house.

3.3 I dislike being stopped by the police (e.g. routine ID check), even if they are friendly.
I don't know why. I just don't like it. ><

[Mycernius]

1.2 I generally don't mind talking to a stranger, but rarely start conversations
Usually doesn't bother me, depends on my mood. Sometimes you can have wonderful conversations with strangers, byut I won't do it myself. What can I say, I'm typically English. It's quite fun actually. You can get on a crowded train in the UK and spend the entire journey in silence. When I was in the US that didn't happen. Another thing is that in the UK two people can have a long, indepth conversation for hours and still part without knowing each others name.

2.2 I don't mind having strangers ringing at my door (salespeople, Jeovah's Witnesses...)
Again depends on what mood I'm in. If they are religious visitors I will talk to them, mainly to wind them up. Salemen I will talk to so I can raise their hopes up, just to say no. Evil, moi?

3.2 I don't mind being stopped by the police (e.g. routine ID check), as long as they are friendly
I'm a driver, so I get it a few times. I have never been pulled over by an unfriendly copper. If you are friendly to them they are friendly to you. I find it makes life smoother when dealing with them. Greet them with a smile and it usually makes them smile in return. Works on a lot of people.

[Mars Man]

If you are friendly to them they are friendly to you. I find it makes life smoother when dealing with them. Greet them with a smile and it usually makes them smile in return. Works on a lot of people.

That is absolutely right !! I have always taken that approach and it has saved me a couple of traffic tickets when I had actually been breaking the law. Good advice there !

[TheCaptain]

1.2 I generally don't mind talking to a stranger, but rarely start conversations

I have lived in California, and I love the way Americans are able to small-talk to each other while standing in line in the supermarket, sitting on the bus etc...

In the Nordic countries it's completely different! People are very reserved and rarely talk to strangers in the situations mentioned above. You can sit for three or four hours on a train in Scandinavia, facing a stranger, without saying one word to him! It's only alcoholics and mentally retarded people who start a conservation, so before I moved to the States, it really annoyed me, when a stranger talked to me.

But now I think it's a pity that we Scandinavians are so introverted that we can't exchange a few words with each other. I really miss all the casual conversations with people, that I don't know and probably won't meet again. It was nearly always a positive experience, and it made my everyday life more fun

[Maciamo]

In the Nordic countries it's completely different! People are very reserved and rarely talk to strangers in the situations mentioned above. You can sit for three or four hours on a train in Scandinavia, facing a stranger, without saying one word to him! It's only alcoholics and mentally retarded people who start a conservation, so before I moved to the States, it really annoyed me, when a stranger talked to me.

It's just the same in Belgium, and the tendency in Europe is generally not to talk to strangers in trains, I have noticed. It may happen occasionally in Latin countries, but that's rare. People who are together though, can sometimes be quite loud (especially students).

[TheCaptain]

It's just the same in Belgium, and the tendency in Europe is generally not to talk to strangers in trains, I have noticed. It may happen occasionally in Latin countries, but that's rare. People who are together though, can sometimes be quite loud (especially students).

I think that, generally speaking, people in "immigrant countries" like the US, Canada and Australia by nature talk more to strangers than Europeans do.
But in Europe, people tend to get more reserved the further north you go. Finns are the most introverted, followed by the Swedes and Norwegians. People in Northern Germany are also more reserved than in Southern Germany, for instance.

Sometimes when you are out hiking in the Swedish forests or the Norwegians mountains, and you come across a stranger, they don't even smile and say "hi!". Even though you are in the middle of nowhere, and haven't met other people for hours, people are too reserved to acknowledge the existence of another human being...

[Maciamo]

Sometimes when you are out hiking in the Swedish forests or the Norwegians mountains, and you come across a stranger, they don't even smile and say "hi!". Even though you are in the middle of nowhere, and haven't met other people for hours, people are too reserved to acknowledge the existence of another human being...

Again, that also happens half of the time when hiking in Belgium, even in the French-speaking part. In the South of France it would be considered rude not to greet each others.

[Minty]

It's just the same in Belgium, and the tendency in Europe is generally not to talk to strangers in trains, I have noticed. It may happen occasionally in Latin countries, but that's rare. People who are together though, can sometimes be quite loud (especially students).

Actually the first two years when I first started going to University you cannot possibly have imagined how many strangers approached me on the streets, inside the bus, trams, and the bus stops or the tram stops. There were even the ones who would come and sat on the seat of the bus stop but they were not waiting for the bus, they did that just to ask you questions about you, because when I acted liked I didn’t really want to answer, they went away before my bus arrived.

I agree that Nordic people don't like to make small talks, but I can't say the same for the French. In Australia, people don't do that neither, but here I think people do. My husband would pick up people on the streets, airports, inside the bus ...etc and would start a conversation with them. I don't do that. The thing is it is such a long time ago that I actually don’t remember whether it is normal that Asian people do that, all I remember is I have been like this for a very long time. I don’t talk to people on the streets, inside buses…etc except if they wish to know the direction to get to somewhere.

[Minty]

I think that, generally speaking, people in "immigrant countries" like the US, Canada and Australia by nature talk more to strangers than Europeans do.
But in Europe, people tend to get more reserved the further north you go. Finns are the most introverted, followed by the Swedes and Norwegians. People in Northern Germany are also more reserved than in Southern Germany, for instance.
Sometimes when you are out hiking in the Swedish forests or the Norwegians mountains, and you come across a stranger, they don't even smile and say "hi!". Even though you are in the middle of nowhere, and haven't met other people for hours, people are too reserved to acknowledge the existence of another human being...

I don't really agree, I find that the French are more buggerish than Australians. Please see my post above. I live in the Northern part of France.

Well, in Australia when I go to the outback or go for a walk in the park, people do say good morning, good afternoon, actually in Australia people say G'day!

That's fine, when I say strangers approaching you are those (not counting new people you meet at work or at school) asking you questions that you don't really want to answer like are you Chinese? After they ignorantly assuming all Chinese descendent people come from China, more questions coming about China blah blah blah...oh personal questions such as something to do with my marriage to my husband, why I want to come here blah blah...

I mean what is up with all these existential questions??!!! Go fly a kite or something!!!

[Cambrius (The Red)]

In the U.S. it depends on the region. I graduated from two major universities in the New England region. I lived and worked there for many years. The Northeast portion of the States is quite friendly to foreigners, I feel.

I found that the least friendly Americans are found in some of the more culturally backward states, like Idaho, Kansas, Utah and some parts of the South.

[Maciamo]

Actually the first two years when I first started going to University you cannot possibly have imagined how many strangers approached me on the streets, inside the bus, trams, and the bus stops or the tram stops. There were even the ones who would come and sat on the seat of the bus stop but they were not waiting for the bus, they did that just to ask you questions about you, because when I acted liked I didn’t really want to answer, they went away before my bus arrived.

Consider the fact that you are a young woman. I am pretty sure that the people who approached you were men with some specific intent in mind. That doesn't count.

I agree that Nordic people don't like to make small talks, but I can't say the same for the French.

French people do talk to strangers more easily than Belgian in average. Northerners will be more reserved than southerners, as usual.

In Australia, people don't do that neither, but here I think people do.

People don't chat up strangers in Australia. I have lived there for half a year and was shocked by how anybody would just start talking to me about anything anywhere. It's pretty much like the USA in that regard. In both countries it is much more obvious once you go to the countryside. People in big cities are busier and more self-absorbed.

My husband would pick up people on the streets, airports, inside the bus ...etc and would start a conversation with them. I don't do that. The thing is it is such a long time ago that I actually don’t remember whether it is normal that Asian people do that, all I remember is I have been like this for a very long time. I don’t talk to people on the streets, inside buses…etc except if they wish to know the direction to get to somewhere.

Asians maybe less inclined to start a conversation with strangers than the average Australian, American or Mediterranean, but when I was travelling around Asia there would always be locals trying to speak to me because I was a foreigner/Westerner. It was as much the case in India as in South-East Asia or in Japan. I guess this was more out of curiosity or to practice their English and that they wouldn't have done it if I had been a local.

[Maciamo]

That's fine, when I say strangers approaching you are those (not counting new people you meet at work or at school) asking you questions that you don't really want to answer like are you Chinese? After they ignorantly assuming all Chinese descendent people come from China, more questions coming about China blah blah blah...oh personal questions such as something to do with my marriage to my husband, why I want to come here blah blah...
I mean what is up with all these existential questions??!!! Go fly a kite or something!!!

You get the same treatment in Asia when you are a Westerner.

[Cambrius (The Red)]

People in Northern Portugal rarely approach foreigners. When they do, it is usually people who appear European. Of course, you hardly ever encounter people up here who are not of European background. Sometimes, Japanese tour groups, etc.