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TimF
04-08-04, 06:56
I have been talking to alot of people lately (alot of female people) and it seems that i am picking up a lot of women lately i am not good looking by any means i am just a good listener and i use alot of soft kind words like for instance this one girl i was talking to was starting to cry about a bad memory and i told her "Please dont cry....you are far too beautiful to have tears run down your face." and "Words alone are not enough to sway the heart but for when the time is right the heart moves on its own accord from within." I use words like this (only if I mean them though) to make up for my lack in good looks and i find they work just as good or if not better. So i am asking the good people of jref do looks really matter?

jovial_jon
04-08-04, 07:02
As much as I'd like to say no...I say yes...at first....I think looks draw you to a person, but then the personality makes it last. So overall, personality is way way waaaay more important, but I think looks do matter initially.

TimF
04-08-04, 07:07
I ask this on a individual level.

Sorry this was supposed to go with the other one lol!

crap how do you put a sometimes on that poll?

jovial_jon
04-08-04, 07:07
Well, for me personally, looks aren't actually that important. What I stated above is more of a general rule I think. Sure, looks are a bonus, but who'd want someone with a pretty face but no personality? Not me.

Brooker
04-08-04, 07:09
TimF....

"Please dont cry....you are far too beautiful to have tears run down your face." and "Words alone are not enough to sway the heart but for when the time is right the heart moves on its own accord from within."

Dork. :D

Sounds like a line from a trashy romance novel, but hey, chicks go for that stuff.

TimF
04-08-04, 07:25
Well, for me personally, looks aren't actually that important. What I stated above is more of a general rule I think. Sure, looks are a bonus, but who'd want someone with a pretty face but no personality? Not me.

Me either like you said looks are a bonus and lately i have been having more bonuses than a pinball machine! LOL :D


TimF....


Dork. :D

Sounds like a line from a trashy romance novel, but hey, chicks go for that stuff.

Brooker i am hurt i look up to you and you call me a dork! :D But yea they do love that stuff but like i said i only say it if i mean it otherwise you are just leading them on and that is mean!

P.S.- can someone who knows what the hell they are doing come on and put a "sometimes" on my poll LOL

Nobody else has input?

Brooker
04-08-04, 07:27
It's a broad question, but, of course there has to be an initial attraction. But have you ever noticed how a cute girl becomes gorgeous if she's nice and a pretty girl becomes unattractive if she's lame?

pk_81
04-08-04, 07:28
I think they do matter to both males and females, but I think they matter more to males.
I, myself, have dated a guy I wasn't very physically attracted to before, but I was so attracted to his personality that it didn't matter.
I still have yet to meet a guy who has dated a girl without being physically attracted to her to begin with.

but...I'm not a guy, so I can't really say. :?

Keiichi
04-08-04, 08:50
Yeah, obviously (well, to me), there are more good looking gals than guys.
I said yes to the looks thing. But regardless of that, a good relationship does come down to what's on the inside, and most of us knows that.
TimF, if you are really not good-looking as you say (I can't say anything about this), you probably did charm your way into people's lives. :D

Keiichi

:blush:

jeisan
04-08-04, 10:02
im pretty much with jovial on this one.

you should post your pic tim, *points at the pic thread*

oh yeah added "sometimes" to the poll.
peace

Xkavar
04-08-04, 10:07
Depends. Once I crashed a college dance and got a 22-year-old woman to become attracted to me. I was 16.

Looks are what it boils down to for the young, I think. When you're young, looks are the first thing you notice. It's not exactly like I go out (I'm a guy) to a club, see a young lady in a slinky dress and think to myself "Gee, I wonder what her pension plan is like, I think I'll hit on her and find out." It's nice that she's got a sense of humor or that she's smart, but those are qualities I look for once I've confirmed that this is a girl who's worth my time. Pretty ones get it more than ugly ones.

On the other hand, extremely beautiful women can make me hesitate and go for a less-attractive woman. How I view the beauty of a woman depends on how I view myself, I think, and I try and go for the attainable ones.

Arch
04-08-04, 11:07
Well its something that first attracts you to a person. But i know a girl she is not what you call good looking, but her personality is incredible and i would easily go out with her any day. As jovy said, its a bonus if there good looking. As for me, british girls seem to only go for tall, handsome bad guys and im not non of them.
I'm much better in the states, as american girls all digged my british accent

:D

TwistedMac
04-08-04, 11:13
As much as I'd like to say no...I say yes...at first....I think looks draw you to a person, but then the personality makes it last. So overall, personality is way way waaaay more important, but I think looks do matter initially.
^put me up for one of these^

"when it all comes down to it, we all stand alone" - Millencolin (yeah.. i'm listening to my own music again.. been a while since my playlist had anything but japan-a-radio in it)

RockLee
04-08-04, 11:54
I pretty much agree with you peepz...looks are kinda the main thing...but sometimes the personality breaks the good looks thing very quick...*points at ex-gf :okashii: *

Dream Time
04-08-04, 12:40
good look is the first thing I would notice on a girl

but good look is just a bonus
personality is so much more important
I've met some girls that are not physically very attractive,but they are some of the best girls I have ever met in my life
just like a relative of mine who lives in San Francisco,shes incredible

kirei_na_me
04-08-04, 13:16
I think it's natural to let looks guide you at first. I do think more females than males wind up being more attracted to personality.

To me, the biggest turn-on is someone who can make me lmao. If someone can make me do that, I'm hooked. Also, someone who can talk. Just someone who can have a conversation about anything. I love to talk about all kinds of things, serious or light. I like someone who can be down-to-earth and talk to me. I think those things are much more important than looks. I've really learned the value of those qualities in the past several years.

Most of the relationships I've had have started out as 'friends first' relationships. I liked getting to know someone before starting a romantic relationship with them. Well, that wasn't true in all cases, but....anyway... :p

All devilishly handsome guys I've dated have been too into themselves.

EscaFlowne
04-08-04, 13:37
Initially, looks are going to be a person main focus point.
I mean we see it everyday if not on this board like in the post a picture thread then in real life. Because we don't know everyone ideals, likes, interest till we get to know them so initially its going to be looks. But after time and interest in that individual you begin to appreciate the thier ideals, likes and interest and thats the personality. The part that any non-vain person would go for.Believe if you invest in someones personality your relationship will thrive and prosper for as long as you keep your interest for that person :haihai: :blush:

Brooker
04-08-04, 13:50
TimF wrote....

Brooker i am hurt i look up to you and you call me a dork!

You know I'm only joking with you, right? I'm really proud of you for the way you handled the situation with the girl at the grocery store. You're an inspiration to us all. :p

jovial_jon
04-08-04, 17:33
To me, the biggest turn-on is someone who can make me lmao. If someone can make me do that, I'm hooked.

I'm definitely with ya on that one. :cool: Even if they had a great personality, if they couldn't make me laugh then I wouldn't be interested.

TimF
04-08-04, 17:42
You know I'm only joking with you, right? I'm really proud of you for the way you handled the situation with the girl at the grocery store. You're an inspiration to us all. :p

I know brooker thats why i put one of theses guys after it. :D But some one said they have never met anyone that has ever dated someone with out physically being attracted to them....I have, it was this girl at a dance she was crying and i stoped to ask her what was wrong as i sat down in the chair next to her as she explained her problem i offered her some kind words and we sat there and talked the rest of the night then she started sitting at my lunch table and i got to know her for her personality and we dated for awhile.

@kirei I guess I would fall under the catagory of guys you would have been attracted to LOL :D . I dont know though if I would have seen you out in the real world I would be too afraid to talk to you lol :D . (afraid you wouldnt even give me the time of day)

For me I can look past looks beacuse being an ugly person myself I know us ugly people harbor some of the most gourgeous inner beauty. :-)

What did the other people think of my quotes? Are they dorky like
Mr. Brooker says?

kirei_na_me
04-08-04, 18:18
I'm definitely with ya on that one. :cool: Even if they had a great personality, if they couldn't make me laugh then I wouldn't be interested.

Right-o! They have to be jovial!!!! ;-) :bravo:

cross-platform
04-08-04, 18:19
It's a broad question, but, of course there has to be an initial attraction. But have you ever noticed how a cute girl becomes gorgeous if she's nice and a pretty girl becomes unattractive if she's lame?

I absolutley agree, I knew this girl who was gorgeous when i first met her, but the more I got to know her, the less attractive she became. On the other hand, my current girlfriend was hot when I met her, and she keeps getting more beautiful every day.

kirei_na_me
04-08-04, 18:23
@kirei I guess I would fall under the catagory of guys you would have been attracted to LOL :D . I dont know though if I would have seen you out in the real world I would be too afraid to talk to you lol :D . (afraid you wouldnt even give me the time of day)

Well, I would hope not. I'm really very down-to-earth. I know that "down-to-earth" is a cliche, but to me, that's the most important thing besides being hilarious. It's important for me to be down-to-earth and genuine and it's important to me for the people I'm around to be the same way. The only thing that matters to me is if I feel comfortable with someone.

I think you sound like an excellent guy, Tim, and I would give you the time of day anytime! ;-) :cool:


What did the other people think of my quotes? Are they dorky like
Mr. Brooker says?

Nah. Girls like that mushy stuff sometimes. Just don't wear it out. Use those kinds of lines on special occasions only. If you use them too much, it will start to sound kind of phony. Those are good when used in moderation. ;-)

jovial_jon
04-08-04, 18:44
Yeah Kirei, jovial's good! :D

Tim- Yeah, the lines are good, but as Kirei said, in moderation. The second example you gave is slightly dorky, but sometimes dorky isn't a bad thing! I couldn't say lines like that - I'm waaaay too shy! :p

TimF
04-08-04, 18:45
I think you sound like an excellent guy, Tim, and I would give you the time of day anytime! ;-) :cool:

Thanks kirei :-)




Nah. Girls like that mushy stuff sometimes. Just don't wear it out. Use those kinds of lines on special occasions only. If you use them too much, it will start to sound kind of phony. Those are good when used in moderation. ;-)

Exactally I couldnt have said it better myself! :cool:

misa.j
05-08-04, 00:57
I can respect people who care about how they look depending on situation such as professional looking, formal looking, casual looking etc.; these are the appearance and not about what kind of face or body they have.

I like people with confidence and matureness.
Looks are not very important for me as long as they are not offensive.

Winter
05-08-04, 01:05
Looks...overall personality...I think the most important aspect in a mate is a combination of confidence, intelligence, and the ability to think 'outside of the box'.

The way a persons mind works is usually the most attractive thing for me. If they think oddly, in a good way; different, just an overall different, sometimes obscure approach on life, and the events in it, that really fascinates me.

I, personally, am a glutton for punishment. I find it compelling when my mate or someone I'm interested in, isnt particularly interested in me, and isnt particularily available for me. Oh yeah, thats hot.

Elizabeth
05-08-04, 01:42
Well, I would hope not. I'm really very down-to-earth. I know that "down-to-earth" is a cliche, but to me, that's the most important thing besides being hilarious. It's important for me to be down-to-earth and genuine and it's important to me for the people I'm around to be the same way. The only thing that matters to me is if I feel comfortable with someone.

Genuine, modest, respectful, serious, secure, sensitive but not always showing it -- does this mean they're down to earth ? Anyway, I can't decide. All of those are the most important thing to me. ;). And someone who has a little knowledge about a lot of things so we'll always have something to talk about. But most importantly that tries to accomodate people around them without changing personalities depending on who they're with. Looks should be about normal so that doesn't become a distraction. :cool:

TimF
05-08-04, 02:17
IMHO when girls are attracted to me it has to be for my personality beacuse like I said I am arse ugly but recently I have been finding alot of beautiful girls that are attracted to me I found another one last night (i had talked to her for awhile and she admitted it last night) and she is gourgeous and I just dont see what they see in me other than my personality. When it comes to looks for me it doesnt matter beacuse I know that non atractive people usually are much more fun to be around beacuse they have better personalities this is not true for all cases though.

Golgo_13
05-08-04, 03:09
A woman's looks matter more to a man than a man's looks to a woman.

A woman is more concerned about the size of a man's . . . bank account.

Glenn
05-08-04, 03:51
A woman is more concerned about the size of a man's . . . bank account.

Just like how men are concerned about the size of a woman's...tracks of land. :D :D

Golgo_13
05-08-04, 03:58
No, her intellect.

Elizabeth
05-08-04, 20:59
Thanks kirei :-)





Exactally I couldnt have said it better myself! :cool:
The personal approach from someone I really care about is usually enough in itself to knock me cold. Or someone who "touches me lightly" as they say in Japanese. Just asking how I'm doing. Are you too cold ? Tired ? Along with small, unexpected favors when you're having a hard time of things. :cool:

Duo
06-08-04, 00:46
I think looks really do matter. We can all try to be hypocrites, but is foolish to deny human nature. We tend to judge too much on first impressions, we can't help it, sight is the sense with supremacy.

jovial_jon
06-08-04, 00:47
I agree with that Duo, but I think if you don't like their personality you're not gonna stick around for along. Looks alone can't make a good relationship, whereas personality alone can.

Duo
06-08-04, 00:51
Very true, also, some good looking people are real jerks, but first impression are really important, is hard to usually change opinion, unless you discover something drastic.

Frank D. White
06-08-04, 01:51
when I first got home from the Navy I went to a singles dance. I saw a girl on the dance floor who was a beautiful
Playboy centerfold looker, long black hair! I watched her get asked to dance every dance, but never by the same guy twice. I wondered what the problem with her could be, bad breath, BO? Why would a guy hit on her and run for the hills after exchanging a few words on the dance floor? I bided my time and finally got a chance to ask her to dance. Smelled OK to me. She seemed fairly intelligent.
I figured she was about 25, I was 23. Finally the mystery was revealed! She was 35(sure didn't look it) and had 12 children! Said she got pregnant at 15 for the first time and had gone throuh 4 husbands. So in this case , beauty was NOT enough!

Frank

:blush:

jovial_jon
06-08-04, 01:55
Oh Frank, you and your long black hair fixation! :D

EscaFlowne
06-08-04, 15:51
Jovial I think your missing the possiblities of long black curly hair over some beautifula green eyes. Ooooooooooooooooooooo :relief: :relief: lord even i'm sweating...

Bounty Hunter
06-08-04, 16:06
I think i know why the girls are all around you.

Your THE "Muffdiver Extraordinaire!"

all girls love it :blush: .

THE WORDS OUT TIM :D .

TimF
10-08-04, 01:15
I think i know why the girls are all around you.

Your THE "Muffdiver Extraordinaire!"

all girls love it :blush: .

THE WORDS OUT TIM :D .

Thanks Bounty Hunter I have been thinking about making bussiness cards with that on it. :D

Golgo_13
10-08-04, 02:17
when I first got home from the Navy I went to a singles dance. I saw a girl on the dance floor who was a beautiful
Playboy centerfold looker, long black hair! I watched her get asked to dance every dance, but never by the same guy twice. I wondered what the problem with her could be, bad breath, BO? Why would a guy hit on her and run for the hills after exchanging a few words on the dance floor? I bided my time and finally got a chance to ask her to dance. Smelled OK to me. She seemed fairly intelligent.
I figured she was about 25, I was 23. Finally the mystery was revealed! She was 35(sure didn't look it) and had 12 children! Said she got pregnant at 15 for the first time and had gone throuh 4 husbands. So in this case , beauty was NOT enough!

Frank

:blush:

Yes, a little brains never hurt

canadian_kor
10-08-04, 03:25
No matter where in the world you go people go for looks (at least, initially). Good looks (and women, please be honest here) gets you through the initial door of the dating game. Yes, women go for looks just as much as men. The only thing is that women also add intellect, sense of humour, caring personality, etc. in addition to the man's appearance. Read this article and judge for yourself:


http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/188_relationship_expert.html

Golgo_13
10-08-04, 03:55
No matter where in the world you go people go for looks (at least, initially). Good looks (and women, please be honest here) gets you through the initial door of the dating game. Yes, women go for looks just as much as men. The only thing is that women also add intellect, sense of humour, caring personality, etc. in addition to the man's appearance. Read this article and judge for yourself:


http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/188_relationship_expert.html

You left out MONEY!

They also want all that and $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

kirei_na_me
10-08-04, 04:03
Looks are very important to some women.

Take one of my best friends, for instance. She will not go out with someone if they're not "hot". That's the only thing I've heard her mention when talking about a potential mate. This one is hot, that one is not, blah, blah, blah. "He's got to be HOT and have a HOT BODY!" And she's not even what you all would consider "hot" in the first place?!

By the way, she's 28 years old and single. Never had a serious boyfriend in her life. I wonder why?! :? :okashii:

"Get a grip!" is what I want to say to her sometimes...

necrozombie
10-08-04, 04:10
i could serious care less about looks..

'no matter how pretty we are on the outside, we're all blood and guts on the inside'

as long as they have a great sense of humor and an open-mind, i lubb them

jeisan
10-08-04, 09:14
i could serious care less about looks..

'no matter how pretty we are on the outside, we're all blood and guts on the inside'

as long as they have a great sense of humor and an open-mind, i lubb them

yay :D someone who might like me :p

Dream Time
10-08-04, 11:11
Looks are very important to some women.

Take one of my best friends, for instance. She will not go out with someone if they're not "hot". That's the only thing I've heard her mention when talking about a potential mate. This one is hot, that one is not, blah, blah, blah. "He's got to be HOT and have a HOT BODY!" And she's not even what you all would consider "hot" in the first place?!

By the way, she's 28 years old and single. Never had a serious boyfriend in her life. I wonder why?! :? :okashii:

"Get a grip!" is what I want to say to her sometimes...


question for the ladies

which of the two guys below you would choose to be your boyfriend?

Jon Bon Jovi

or

William Hung

jovial_jon
10-08-04, 11:25
Phfft, why have Jon Bon Jovi when you can have Jovial Jon?? Yeah, that's right - I'm throwing my name into the equation. :D

kirei_na_me
10-08-04, 13:36
question for the ladies

which of the two guys below you would choose to be your boyfriend?

Jon Bon Jovi

or

William Hung

Neither. Both of them are about the same as far as I'm concerned. I never thought Jon Bon Jovi was good looking.

I'd go for some Jovial Jon! :wave:

King of Tokyo
11-08-04, 02:53
[*didn't read all above posts*]
Yes.. Looks matter.. I cannot tell a lie.. I know I sound shallow but I simply wouldn't start a relationship with someone I didn't find attractive.. I'm being honest here so don't blame me.. I am what's considered good-looking (I swear I'm not as conceded as I sound :p) and I really would only approach a girl if I find her attractive.. It is definitely not the only thing that matters.. but if you say that looks don't matter you are a liar. A girl must be funny and pleasant to be around. But really attractive girls don't generally have one of those movie stereotype horrible attitudes.. So if you are non-attractive and have a great personality.. most likely you will lose out to the really attractive girl with a good personality.. not to be an ass but it's not just me.. this is the society we live in.. It's not right by any means but really it's the way it is.. Most men deep down know that looks matter to themselves.. and women aren't innocent as they pretend either.. girls I have dealt with were first attracted to my looks obviously so I have this luck over the average guy (not saying this is right or should be).. then she will get to know me and notice I have a great personality and notice I'm not self-centered (Well, not really anyway, I still have high self-esteem about myself and do consider myself a great guy :) heh) or an ass.. So at first, Yes, it always matters, even clothes matter, just the way you present yourself and what impression you give will dictate what someone thinks about you.. then when you get to know someone, even if they are good looking if they have a horrible personality then ofcourse it is not tolerable.. If you are not what people would consider attractive and have a great personality, you still do have a good chance, but first impressions may affect it.. so I suppose if you are unattractive you have to make a bit of an extra effort.. But like I said I'm not an ass, I am telling it like it is, but in this world
Bottom Line, Looks do matter to an extent. That's just the way it is.

Golgo_13
11-08-04, 03:16
King of Tokyo,

That's just the way the male brain is wired. Nothing we can do about it.

TimF
11-08-04, 04:03
This is all very interesting. So many diffrent opinions, hmm.... for me when I see an attractive girl I dont even make a pass at her I dont see the use, all of them are out of my leauge anyway, I would not have even made a pass at the girl in the supermarket if I was not coaxed to do so by some of our lovely jref members. :-)

Winter
11-08-04, 04:57
Have a little more confidence Tim. Sometimes thats all it takes to acquire attraction from others.

Or be like me, and be blinded by confidence. Its fun.

canadian_kor
11-08-04, 10:42
Neither. Both of them are about the same as far as I'm concerned. I never thought Jon Bon Jovi was good looking.

I'd go for some Jovial Jon! :wave:

Yeah, nice way to get out of the pit kirei. :-)


[*didn't read all above posts*]
Yes.. Looks matter.. I cannot tell a lie.. I know I sound shallow but I simply wouldn't start a relationship with someone I didn't find attractive.. I'm being honest here so don't blame me.. I am what's considered good-looking (I swear I'm not as conceded as I sound :p) and I really would only approach a girl if I find her attractive.. It is definitely not the only thing that matters.. but if you say that looks don't matter you are a liar. A girl must be funny and pleasant to be around. But really attractive girls don't generally have one of those movie stereotype horrible attitudes.. So if you are non-attractive and have a great personality.. most likely you will lose out to the really attractive girl with a good personality.. not to be an ass but it's not just me.. this is the society we live in.. It's not right by any means but really it's the way it is.. Most men deep down know that looks matter to themselves.. and women aren't innocent as they pretend either.. girls I have dealt with were first attracted to my looks obviously so I have this luck over the average guy (not saying this is right or should be).. then she will get to know me and notice I have a great personality and notice I'm not self-centered (Well, not really anyway, I still have high self-esteem about myself and do consider myself a great guy :) heh) or an ass.. So at first, Yes, it always matters, even clothes matter, just the way you present yourself and what impression you give will dictate what someone thinks about you.. then when you get to know someone, even if they are good looking if they have a horrible personality then ofcourse it is not tolerable.. If you are not what people would consider attractive and have a great personality, you still do have a good chance, but first impressions may affect it.. so I suppose if you are unattractive you have to make a bit of an extra effort.. But like I said I'm not an ass, I am telling it like it is, but in this world
Bottom Line, Looks do matter to an extent. That's just the way it is.

Don't be so hard on yourself bro. The mysterious world of biology also agrees with you that looks matter in the dating game. In fact, physical attractiveness is a sign to a potential mate that you have healthy genes. People are wired to mate with those who will produce healthy offsprings. So, it is not that the world is bad, but that the world is designed so that the best genes get to survive longer. That's the way God made this world.

Areku
11-08-04, 17:23
yes, always

dgdfh

necrozombie
12-08-04, 01:01
I'd go for some Jovial Jon! :wave:


LOL

same here!!! XD

jovial_jon
12-08-04, 01:12
:bluush: *thinks for about 10 minutes of a way to reply in a cool, modest way* ...thanks :-)

TimF
12-08-04, 02:51
I envy you jovial you seem to be pretty popular with the ladies. :(

RockLee
12-08-04, 03:05
hehe....*when it happens .... it happens...it worked before so I guess it will work again sometimes?I'm not really one who goes out LOOKING for someone..I believe there is at least 1 person that's COMPATIBLE with yourself...and the world is big init??It doesn't mean that you live (for instance) in Belgium....you have to marry a Belgian girl...do it like me...go global...you even get to know A HELL LOT of PEEPZ :-) !!!

jovial_jon
12-08-04, 08:23
I envy you jovial you seem to be pretty popular with the ladies. :(

Yeah, it's slightly confusing me actually. Here on the forum I may be popular, but in 'real' life (I couldn't think what else to call it :D ) that's not the case. :okashii: Maybe Brits have different taste... :p

EscaFlowne
12-08-04, 15:25
Awwwwwwwwwww, you guys just have to have confidence! Timf have confidence and you can make anything happen. :balloon: Ladies like to see confidence. Go and and just talk to them.

silver angel
12-08-04, 21:43
it worked with Esca. *hugs*

TimF
12-08-04, 22:38
Thanks everyone and jovial you look alot beter than I do if I remember right I saw a pic of you in the picture thread so congrats on that but thanks for the boost of confidence everyone maybe I should be less pessimistic. :?

jovial_jon
13-08-04, 08:54
But Tim - I could never be as smooth as you were with the girl at the grocery store! And I bet you're more of a handsome chappy than you're letting on too! ;-)

Arch
13-08-04, 11:57
lol i understand where ya coming from jovy, many brit girls have differant taste. They prefer tall guys, im short, dark hair, mine is kinda brown, bad guy, uhmm i defo not one of them.
Looking at ya pic , ya kinda in the same boat as me . Hey damn jovy ! lets go over to japan !!!!

jovial_jon
13-08-04, 12:34
Only if you're paying! :D But hey, if a girl doesn't like us it's her loss! :smug:

kirei_na_me
13-08-04, 12:36
Arch you are way too hard on yourself. I think you're really cute, no kidding. I don't know what's wrong with those Brit girls! ;-) Oh, and that accent...*swoon* :p

necrozombie
13-08-04, 18:03
i lubb short guys.. *thinks about her kyo obsession*

*murmurs to self* maybe that's y....

*looks up to see ppl staring*

....XD

anadorei
13-08-04, 18:08
I would say yes to a certain extent.

Sinspawne
13-08-04, 19:09
Looks always matters at first.. if the person looks good, chances of you talking to him/her are 5 times higher than with someone unattractive.

And all attractive people have confidense because they know they look good, and don't have to worry about that.
And women like confidense...or so i've heard anyway

potatoe
13-08-04, 23:03
in my trousers i hold the reason why j girls like gaijins, and its a big reasons.

canadian_kor
13-08-04, 23:42
in my trousers i hold the reason why j girls like gaijins, and its a big reasons.

In your dreams pal.


Looks always matters at first.. if the person looks good, chances of you talking to him/her are 5 times higher than with someone unattractive.

And all attractive people have confidense because they know they look good, and don't have to worry about that.
And women like confidense...or so i've heard anyway

That is an awful catch 22 for us unattractive guys. :(

Bounty Hunter
13-08-04, 23:48
In your dreams pal.



That is an awful catch 22 for us unattractive guys. :(

"unattractive guys" :D am pissing myself.
Hey you can't get the best of both worlds in your case you don't have any. :D

How would you know about Potatoe?
Your so quick to jump on him saying he is bs'in which means you must be trying to compensate for something. uummm what could that be. :blush:

antantrevolution
14-08-04, 04:01
Well, speaking as someone who is not what you could call attractive by any means, I can say that looks ain't everything. I like people for who they are and that is simply that.

Peace,

Ant

Winter
14-08-04, 04:20
And all attractive people have confidense because they know they look good, and don't have to worry about that.
And women like confidense...or so i've heard anyway


I disagree with that.

I didnt find out people think I'm attractive until I got out of high school, and went into the work force fulltime. I got hit on by both sexes constantly and it didnt make me more confident; just really paranoid.

Then I found out that during high school, there were a lot of crushes about me going around, but no one would approach me because I had some retarded reputation of being a badass. Blork.

Dream Time
14-08-04, 07:57
the people who don't 'look good' physically
they can look good too
if you are a very good person,you look good
for example,my relative from San Francisco, frankly she is just an average looking girl,but she is a very good-hearted girl,very caring, that makes me think she is a very beautiful girl

if you have confidence,like if you have some sort of talents,you look good
look at some musicians,athletes

Sinspawne
14-08-04, 20:18
[QUOTE=That is an awful catch 22 for us unattractive guys. :([/QUOTE]

Sorry, but i only told the harsh truth about how it is..
btw, I'm not attractive as far as i know so we're in the same boat then :-)
All women i know only wanted me as a friend, so being a good guy didn't help me very much, but i don't mind. I'm more comfortable alone believe it or not

kirei_na_me
14-08-04, 20:41
Speaking of looks...look at Winter's avatar... *swoon* ;-)

And you know what really bothers me? Girls who always have to have bad guys. Bad guys that are 'hot'. Bleh. I say get a guy who's going to be nice to you and treat you with respect. F all that 'hot' crap.

I just recently found out my 17 year old first cousin is pregnant with this guy's baby. A guy who is 22 years old, has cheated on her time and time again, has no job, always in trouble, etc. Why did she want him? Because he was so 'hot' and the typical bad boy type. She got pregnant, probably thinking that he would stay with her, but we all know what the outcome will probably be. That baby will get here, and he'll ditch her. Sad.

All that matters to me is someone who is respectful, has a sense of humor, and who has a very high libido. :p

Sinspawne
14-08-04, 21:03
Guys like that really pisses me off :okashii: They're acting cool and tough, but they can't even take resposibility for their actions.

If my little sister ends up in the same situation and the guy runs away, then I would hunt him down like a dog, and make him regret he was ever born into this world!

Winter
14-08-04, 22:22
Speaking of looks...look at Winter's avatar... *swoon* ;-)

My friend said that shot makes me look like the nightstalker.

kirei_na_me
14-08-04, 22:23
It's nice, Winter.

Winter
14-08-04, 22:36
Nice of you to think so.

TimF
15-08-04, 01:08
I just recently found out my 17 year old first cousin is pregnant with this guy's baby. A guy who is 22 years old,

wouldnt that be sagitory rape?

kirei_na_me
15-08-04, 01:25
The second statute deals with someone 18 years of age or older having sex with someone age 15, 16, or 17 years of age, which is a class one misdemeanor and punishable with up to one year in jail and a $2,500.00 fine.

Well, I first thought that in the state of VA, they couldn't do anything if she was older than like 16, but it seems they can. So...I have no idea why my uncle wouldn't do something about it? :?

Anyway...

TimF
15-08-04, 02:20
my stupidity may be showing but i thought they had no choice it is like if i shoot some one i dont get away with it if the family decides not to press charges. but like i said i am stupid so i may be wrong.

Winter
15-08-04, 02:31
Dont be so frelling hard on yourself Tim. You've obviously got some sense in you.

At any rate, I'm pretty sure it depends on the state legislature. In Hawaii, the legal age of consent is 14, for example.

I know of a business 'owner' who actually has been dating a girl since she was 16 for a little over a year. Got her pregnant, he 'convinced' her to get an abortion, the whole nine yards, and the guy is in his 30s. The parents of the minor know, but no charges have been brought to court.

In California, its a felony, punishable by some pretty hard jail time. It can easily be a death sentance, seeing as a lot of California inmates serve out their own brand of justice.

TimF
15-08-04, 04:20
so kirei all you have to do is bring it to someones attention i mean the police cant do anything if they dont know it happened and i know it is a really harsh penalty here in NY that my low life cousin will find out all too soon.

kirei_na_me
15-08-04, 04:28
Well, I'm just not sure why he didn't do anything. My uncle hates the guy and I know he's thought of it, but... :? I don't know.

Anyway...I don't have much room to talk. I was fooling around with a 38 year old when I was 18. No one has ever known, except for a couple of friends and you people. If my dad would've known back then, he would've completely gone off the deep end. I think he would do it even now, if he found out. :souka:

So, back to the topic.... :blush:

TimF
15-08-04, 04:45
but if your family is going to tell they law about it they got to do it soon beacuse i think (note: this may be my stupidity again) that there is a time limit on when you can file you claim my friend was raped a long time ago and didnt want to tell anyone till awhile later and by then the law couldnt do anything beacuse this like "time limit" on when she could file her claim ran out.

Dream Time
15-08-04, 05:27
a little out of topic

there is a phrase in Chinese :
'women would only love bad men'

I think the word 'bad' in this phrase,means the men that knows how to do those little 'tricks' that would make their women smile,and being bad on bed

canadian_kor
15-08-04, 09:33
"unattractive guys" :D am pissing myself.
Hey you can't get the best of both worlds in your case you don't have any. :D

How would you know about Potatoe?
Your so quick to jump on him saying he is bs'in which means you must be trying to compensate for something. uummm what could that be. :blush:

You know, I could post a really nasty response, but I'm not going to since you're just a kid from looking at your profile. I'm just going to :-) and let life roll smoothly along...



That is an awful catch 22 for us unattractive guys. :(

Sorry, but i only told the harsh truth about how it is..
btw, I'm not attractive as far as i know so we're in the same boat then :-)
All women i know only wanted me as a friend, so being a good guy didn't help me very much, but i don't mind. I'm more comfortable alone believe it or not

Don't be sorry for telling the harsh truth (in fact, people should not apologize for telling the truth in the age we live in).

Well, nice guys do finish last in the dating game. Nice guys should learn something from the bad guys because there is something bad guys do that work...they are a challenge.

Winter
15-08-04, 22:10
but if your family is going to tell they law about it they got to do it soon beacuse i think (note: this may be my stupidity again) that there is a time limit on when you can file you claim my friend was raped a long time ago and didnt want to tell anyone till awhile later and by then the law couldnt do anything beacuse this like "time limit" on when she could file her claim ran out.

Thats not really how the law works.

If the assailant being alleged had no previous file, then there would be pretty much nothing in terms of action happening.

Rape cases involving minors are very touchy and 'hearsay' type of conjecture cases, and one report really doesnt do much. *It should still be filed*

If the report was filed after a set time, it would do even less, granted, but it would go down on permanent record. Chances are that the rapist would commit the crime again, and when 2 or more charges are placed, then the law can take action for a lawful investigation.

The reason why only one report does little, is that with such little evidence *usually by the time the report is filed, there is no physical evidence, unless in the cases of 'forced' abortions* it is damn near impossible to take the trial to court and provide a substantial case against the alleged criminal. When more cases are filed, it gives the prosecution more power to prove beyond a reasonable doubt of ones guilt.

On a personal note Tim, you are the only one here that thinks you're as stupid as you say.

Arch
15-08-04, 22:48
Speaking of looks...look at Winter's avatar... *swoon* ;-)

And you know what really bothers me? Girls who always have to have bad guys. Bad guys that are 'hot'. Bleh. I say get a guy who's going to be nice to you and treat you with respect. F all that 'hot' crap.



All that matters to me is someone who is respectful, has a sense of humor, and who has a very high libido. :p

damn !!! keiri, if ya was alittle bit younger , and lived in uk !!! i'd check you out big time !

:D

kirei_na_me
15-08-04, 23:12
damn !!! keiri, if ya was alittle bit younger , and lived in uk !!! i'd check you out big time !

:D

:sing: "Older women make beautiful lovers..." :p

Anyway, thanks for the thought, Arch. Makes an old woman(barely 28 is old?) like me feel good. :blush:

jovial_jon
15-08-04, 23:19
Hey, age ain't nothin' but a number :D

antantrevolution
16-08-04, 00:58
:sing: "Older women make beautiful lovers..." :p

Anyway, thanks for the thought, Arch. Makes an old woman(barely 28 is old?) like me feel good. :blush:

28? Shoot, Kirei, you sure as hell didn't look 28. I would say a touch younger.

But seriously, you can say that looks don't matter, but they do. I guess it is true, you see someone and there's something upon that first meeting that interests you and attracts you to them. It would be silly to say that it was their 'winning personality' or anything like that because it's all chemical and hormonal at first. (Sadly, I seem to throw off neither of these things when meeting woman as they just don't seem to notice :( )

Then things like personality and compatibilty come into play.

But after thinking about it, yes, looks do matter.

I wish they didn't because I would have a hell of an easier time at things.


Ant

60Yen
17-08-04, 13:10
Hmmm, looks do matter, because you see the outside first. Allthough that is different with the Internet....

nekosasori
17-08-04, 14:31
To me, health matters - I'd be worried if someone I felt emotionally attracted to was morbidly obese or extremely underweight, for instance. And emotional/intellectual/physical attraction is not an all-or-nothing deal. I have several platonic male friends, with whom physical attraction was not a factor (in developing the friendships).

Biologically speaking, looks are usually a sign of health (a more symmetric face with clear complexion and body features implies better physical condition). But it's possible to feel attraction to someone with great intelligence, personality that's compatible etc. which can easily compensate for "imperfect" looks. These intangibles are also indispensable aspects to consider. And as other said, even the most physically attractive (conventionally) can come across as undesirable if they behave or speak atrociously.

While I never felt any desire for "bad boys", guys who are unable to develop self-confidence, and those who are doormats also obviously finish last (e.g. the "nice guys") because to me (and no doubt many others) wussiness/complete lack of self esteem is a real turn-off in both women and men. To me also, "bad boys" overcompensate for a genuine lack of confidence by being utterly inconsiderate and by falsely inflating their egos by hurting others.

Xkavar
18-08-04, 01:34
Postec by Winter
At any rate, I'm pretty sure it depends on the state legislature. In Hawaii, the legal age of consent is 14, for example.

Nope. State legislature boosted it up to 18 a couple of years ago. It's really hard in the islands because... a lot of young girls look older, and act more mature, and generally have more sex appeal than you might think. ^_^

Anyuni_Nakashima
31-08-04, 01:58
No!!! I believe looks do not matter...

Its the media and pop culture that tells our society on what is considered beautiful or not beautiful. However, once you get past all the media and pop culture it comes down to the "eye of the beholder" (I know that's clich) but its true. Yes, you have to be attracted to the person. Sometimes, the attraction doesn't always have to be physical.
:note: I know this from experience...
Awhile back, I had fallen for this guy, because he just had this certain charisma and charm about him. I couldn't help myself i just found him attractive. However, if I never knew him and he's was to walk by me on the street I wouldn't have looked twice at him. To be honest physically he was average, but I was still attracted to him in the end.
:lol:

Winter
31-08-04, 04:45
I dont really think the media completly controls individual opinion. It may sway, to an extent, to the weakminded...maybe...but for the most part, I think it just exagerrates on our more priordial instincts, and drives.

I've been pondering this for a bit. It seems that in reality *for evolutionary/health purposes* yes, looks matter. But what makes us seperate from the other animals on the planet, is that most of us can eventually look past physical appearance, and accept the internal appearance.

Anyuni_Nakashima
31-08-04, 05:19
I guess you bring up a point in the end it is the individuals opinion. Yes, biologically our hormones are what drives us to be attracted to certain people.
Instead, of isolating the individual opinion. Let's look at the picture pertaining to society. The media and pop culture does affect us. For example, the issue about the rise in plastic surgery. (j-pop stars, k-pop stars, North Americans, etc.)

Winter--
My opinion about your question is that mammals and other species' sole purpose is to procreate. You know the whole Darwin thing about "survival of the fittest". Not to many of them spend their lives looking for a partner. At one point in time that too was our sole purpose. Through, evolution, condition, and culture mankinds purpose isn't to procreate so much anymore. We seek more than just a partner to create offspring with. Now its about finding the right person, about being in love, and spending your life with them.

I hope this doesn't sound to over rated!!!
:cute: :sorry:

Winter
31-08-04, 05:34
I know not many animals spend lives looking for mates; another aspect that seperates us from them.

Anyuni_Nakashima
31-08-04, 06:02
Well clarify your question a lil more. I wasn't trying to undermine you

Winter
01-09-04, 18:38
Well clarify your question a lil more. I wasn't trying to undermine you

Uh....o..kay. I dont recall asking a question for one, and I didnt think you were trying to undermind me.

digicross
10-09-04, 21:44
But it should be noted that people processed things in objects, and people processed things differently.

Camui
24-11-04, 03:32
looks matter...just not too much to me..I mostly care about personality, cuz if its not a good one then its hard to get me interested...but I guess it doesn't hurt to have good looks..but we also have to remember ppl have different opinions on what they consider to be good looks..^^

Duo
24-11-04, 03:53
I'll just say it again. Looks sure do matter. How do you become attracted to a stranger, you don't know his/her personality, habits, history etc. He/she maybe on the other side of the room or the street, and you turn your head, or u can't help but 2 stare. What promotes that? LOOKS. You don't think, hmmmm that girl/boy over there seems to have a good personality, let me go talk to him/her. You immediatly go hmmmmm, he/she is cute. Maybe I should go talk to her. Looks, looks, and looks, it drives our society, there is nothing we can do about it. Of course there are other factors in liking someone such as their imperecibtilbe smell, your compatability etc etc etc, but looks give your first impression, looks are what you base yourself on to get the interest in pursuing someone. There can be ppl here that can tell me looks don't matter, beauty is on the inside, but I don't beleive that, just not true. Real beauty is on the inside is the most ridiccolous thing I've ever heard. Just a bunch of crap. If you are not attracted to someone phisically, that's it, there is no hope, there is no stimulus, no interest, no craving for that person. Some people will try to give u some stupid bs like no is not like bla bla bla i look for personality, and these same people base their decision on looks as well. Human nature, don't fight it, it's not evil :p

Elizabeth
27-11-04, 00:00
I'll just say it again. Looks sure do matter. How do you become attracted to a stranger, you don't know his/her personality, habits, history etc. He/she maybe on the other side of the room or the street, and you turn your head, or u can't help but 2 stare. What promotes that? LOOKS. You don't think, hmmmm that girl/boy over there seems to have a good personality, let me go talk to him/her. You immediatly go hmmmmm, he/she is cute. Maybe I should go talk to her. Looks, looks, and looks, it drives our society, there is nothing we can do about it. Of course there are other factors in liking someone such as their imperecibtilbe smell, your compatability etc etc etc, but looks give your first impression, looks are what you base yourself on to get the interest in pursuing someone. There can be ppl here that can tell me looks don't matter, beauty is on the inside, but I don't beleive that, just not true. Real beauty is on the inside is the most ridiccolous thing I've ever heard. Just a bunch of crap. If you are not attracted to someone phisically, that's it, there is no hope, there is no stimulus, no interest, no craving for that person. Some people will try to give u some stupid bs like no is not like bla bla bla i look for personality, and these same people base their decision on looks as well. Human nature, don't fight it, it's not evil :p
The most glaring illogic load of crap here that obviously not everyone, not even most people, end up marrying strangers off the street. They meet through work, friends, family or mutual interest, become friends first which gives them a chance to evaulate the other person's personality first and, if that is positive and if there is mental/emotional compatibility, that can then contribute to a physical attraction which may not have been there to begin with. At least that is how it worked with me. That intelligent, funny, warm person suddenly start to appear a lot cuter/more handsome once all these other winning qualities come into view.
It also of course heavily depends on the searcher's own looks -- attractiveness is not going to matter nearly so much if you yourself are not particularly good-looking, and don't have many other options in the offing, in which case you may want someone to match your own level of looks instead of going for the prime physical speciman on every street corner. And I do think women are more interested in a man's money-making potential while men are more fixated on looks.

Certainly that spark of chemistry may be important at certain points in the relationship, more so for some than others, but it isn't all-determining for everyone from the beginning. Otherwise, average, odd-looking or even disfigured people would all be fools or blind at love....doomed from the start.

Anyuni_Nakashima
29-11-04, 22:43
Hey, leave Duo a lone...

Duo
29-11-04, 23:51
The most glaring illogic load of crap here that obviously not everyone, not even most people, end up marrying strangers off the street. They meet through work, friends, family or mutual interest, become friends first which gives them a chance to evaulate the other person's personality first and, if that is positive and if there is mental/emotional compatibility, that can then contribute to a physical attraction which may not have been there to begin with. At least that is how it worked with me. That intelligent, funny, warm person suddenly start to appear a lot cuter/more handsome once all these other winning qualities come into view.
It also of course heavily depends on the searcher's own looks -- attractiveness is not going to matter nearly so much if you yourself are not particularly good-looking, and don't have many other options in the offing, in which case you may want someone to match your own level of looks instead of going for the prime physical speciman on every street corner. And I do think women are more interested in a man's money-making potential while men are more fixated on looks.

Certainly that spark of chemistry may be important at certain points in the relationship, more so for some than others, but it isn't all-determining for everyone from the beginning. Otherwise, average, odd-looking or even disfigured people would all be fools or blind at love....doomed from the start.


OH wow, i never noticed until now, hmmmmm, i guess you have good points, but i'm not talkin about attrcactive personalities, but about looks. yeah sure friends introduce you, family, whatever, but if you dont like the way that person looks, you wont be willing to engange in knowing that person. All i'm saying is that you need something to get you interested in someone, and a big part of that is looks, i'm not saying they have to be movie stars, but agreable by everyone's subjective standard. People will like different people. I think we are all fools and blind in love, if you are gona tell me that you figured love out, plz tell the rest of us ;)


Hey, leave Duo a lone...


:blush: thx, anyuni, you're sweet :-)

here, :balloon:

MWThomas
30-11-04, 11:10
Well, I value health over vanity.

Also, I don't mind a little body hair on women, but that's no excuse for poor overall hygene.

Miss_apollo7
01-12-04, 16:43
I agree with both Duo & Elizabeth ... :-) I think it is a mixture of these two things:

yeah sure friends introduce you, family, whatever, but if you dont like the way that person looks, you wont be willing to engange in knowing that person. All i'm saying is that you need something to get you interested in someone, and a big part of that is looks, i'm not saying they have to be movie stars, but agreable by everyone's subjective standard. People will like different people.


YES, LOOKS matters first to me, he doesn't need to look like a model, as long as he is attractive in some way or another...so I'll be interested at all.

THen:


They meet through work, friends, family or mutual interest, become friends first which gives them a chance to evaulate the other person's personality first and, if that is positive and if there is mental/emotional compatibility, that can then contribute to a physical attraction which may not have been there to begin with.


For me, after looks are ok with him :-), mental/emotional (and intellectual) compatibility.....

It is of course a combination of both, I agree with Duo that looks do count as first impression, but hey, we are all different and have different taste.
I am a female, and I do get attracted to men who look "nice", are well-groomed etc... :blush: ....
HOwever, the next stage is the intellectual and mental bit, which is important, and by that stage, for me it is more important than looks, as not everyone stay fresh forever.... :blush:
Basically chemistry and mutual/intellectual compatibility are most important when it comes to the next stage: if we can talk about the same things etc...

babar-san
01-12-04, 22:52
definitly a mixture. ive found that looks matter in the long run, because even though the heart can be swayed temporarily speaking, in the end, if your partner is not atracted to you physically, it will create problems. ive never had a problem with looks, im generally considered to be attractive, but this is where the other side of the story comes into play. even if im attracted physically to someone, their personality can effect the outcome of a healthy relationship, meaning, if they are superficial about their looks, etc, or we just dont have anything in common, similar interests, etc, then their attractivness starts to fade. im cursed with being over-picky about looks. i have this thing where im normally more attracted to females with short hair, i dunno what it is, i think it looks sexy, but the hair doesnt make the woman, so i dont date a lot hahaha, its hard to find that fine ballance of sincerity and like-mindedness when you have such a strange fetish.... oh well. for instance, i dated this girl a few months ago that was very atttractive, had short hair > so cute <, but she was completely superficial, hated anime, had no cultural interests, ie: my interest in japan seemed strange to her, and in the end, she came off as being a premadona and very plastic. this made her un-attractive to me. and vise versa, even though im considered attractive, everyone has theri "type", and ive been rejected on occasion because i was simply not someones "type". hmmmmmm...............

Duo
03-12-04, 16:02
babar-san, cool dancing cat avatar, but yeah, so many plastic girls these days :worried:

miss apollo, u would be a gread diplomat :wave:

Miss_apollo7
04-12-04, 23:01
miss apollo, u would be a gread diplomat :wave:

Thanks!! :-) Diplomacy was a fave subject of mine... :cool: Maybe I could become an Ambassador of my own country some day....:D

ragedaddy
05-12-04, 09:05
It has been said over and over that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but if there is no attraction between that person, then nothing will ever happen. As superficial as it may be, it goes back to instinct, and we have these set of ideals that a person must satisfy. I'm not saying the person has to be model standard, but if there is not a two-way attraction then the likelihood of anything ever physical happening is extremely minute. Personality has the potential to create physical attraction. In fact, they may be more attracted to a person's personality than their looks. However, this could have an effect on how they view a person physically, but my point is in order for a relationship to sprout there has to be some type physical attraction (like I said, it could come from someone enjoying a person's personality). Instinct is a very difficult aspect to break.

Flashjeff
05-12-04, 14:31
Well, I'm ugly as sin, so it doesn't matter one way or the other! :D

Martyr
07-12-04, 04:20
It's hard to give a general answer for such a question. However, the cliche "It's what's on the inside that counts" is just that; a cliche. Granted that it's true, it's natural for one to make judgments and other actions and reactions based on appearance. It is foolish to say looks do not matter to some extent.

Nightwalker
16-04-05, 06:31
Nope, not to me. I think looks are a bonus. Tee hee. It's the personality that really matters.

Doc
16-04-05, 07:08
Are looks important? I'll have to think about that one for a second. Let's see: the ladies refuse to make eye contact with me, say "eww" when they see me, cringe, snicker, giggle, and say rude things about me when I'm not looking. So are looks important? I guess to the ladies it is since I don't look like Pierce Brosnan to them.

Doc:ramen::happy:

Nightwalker
16-04-05, 17:23
Are looks important? I'll have to think about that one for a second. Let's see: the ladies refuse to make eye contact with me, say "eww" when they see me, cringe, snicker, giggle, and say rude things about me when I'm not looking. So are looks important? I guess to the ladies it is since I don't look like Pierce Brosnan to them.

Doc:ramen::happy:
Stupid I must say if they do that. Grr! But then everyone is different like the great-old-here-it-comes question "Does dick size matter?" or "Does boobs size matter?" No for one! If your a real women or man you would say "No."

Nee, that's a good topic to start.

Tsuyoiko
02-02-06, 12:50
I voted for 'sometimes, initially, partially'.

Looks don't matter very much to me. As long as someone is clean and takes some care in his appearance I can usually see something attractive - unless it goes too far. I find too much vanity very unappealing.

Kinsao
02-02-06, 14:32
oooo, this is an old thread, I never noticed it before. :souka:
Looks are what draws my attention, but people are interesting, all of them... I don't really see anyone as 'ugly'... maybe that sounds like I'm being cliched but it's true.

Anyway it depends what you mean by 'matter'. I'm interested in people, so I like to try and talk to as many people as possible; I don't tend to single people out depending on looks but rather 'circulate'. But it depends on the situation. Obviously, some people catch the eyes more than others. With me, this depends on either if they are strikingly good-looking or if they are unusual-looking in some way. Either way, my eyes are drawn to them first, but whether I act on that depends on the overall circumstances - e.g. my motives, other people around, the whole social set-up.

Also, I can be drawn to people for other reasons that are kind of to do with 'looks' but not in the regular way... for example, someone who is on their own. (I tend to be drawn to someone on their own probably because they are not 'threatening'.) Or maybe someone who is looking just different - particularly quiet, or preoccupied, or whatever - just because they stand out so you notice them more.

Mehhh, I'm rambling... :sorry:

-rika- shinya`
11-02-06, 09:24
I am not going to deny it, looks do matter to me, whether little or alot, it depends. but no matter what, i will never again start a relationship based on just looks alone (which i've foolishly done so twice in my past relations :buuh:) However, people with good looks/nice clothes will catch my eye even in a big crowd. So in my initial impression, it has advantages for a beautiful guy. Many people say that gorgeous guys/girls are conceited/vain/hard to reach but nooo, some are humble and nice

If i meet someone for the first time, he won't stay on my mind afterwards if he doesn't look nice. UNLESS, that guy is super nice or have a very easygoing personality that makes me feel comfortable around him. This may seem so common to other people, but to me, i find it really hard to open up my feelings to others. Even some of my friends who i've known for many years, i still don't feel like myself when i'm around them. So far, i've only met two guys who can manage to make me feel comfortable when hanging around with them. omg, i lost my point. uh.. yeah.. like what everyone says, looks matter at first, then the personality will determine if a relationship will work out. (^^)b

Dutch Baka
21-03-06, 23:27
at the beginning YES, later on NO.

Example: When you go out with your friends to a bar, and you see two chicks, one ugly chick, and one goodlooking chick! so, which girl are you gonna pick up? Not the ugly girl, at least you don't have that intention in the beginning. Conclusion: Looks do matter!


Example 2: When you are in a relation for a while, one week, 3 weeks, 6months, you are getting to know the inside of a person, at that moment you don't think about the outside any more, you just her to get your freaking beers when the game starts, and that she will shut up! :blush: Conclusion: Looks doesn't matter, Inside Does!!

So yeah, if you are looking for a one-night, or a couple of weeks, go for the looks, but eventually it doesn't matter anymore because it's all about the inside, and the beer!!!!!!!!!!

Mitsuo
22-03-06, 00:19
I didn't know what it meant when it asked "Do looks really matter?" I thought he meant all around (Like getting certain jobs, respect etc..), but I didn't know it was about attraction. So I put yes.

I would say that it partially does. There are people who are just in it for the looks. To me they have to be good looking, but if they aren't nice and they don't have a good personality then it doesn't matter what they look like. I wouldn't give them a time of day if they weren't nice.

To me, looks are just an accessory, but personality is what really makes a person beautiful..

Thor
22-03-06, 07:43
I personally don't think looks matter, but I can understand where others think they do. Would you really want a scruffy looking teenager in your store? Afterall, don't teenagers usually like to steal things because they are either cheap/don't have any money? Would you want your daughter to date a guy who has a swastika tattooed on his chest? It's really all just common sense. I think it's stupid to make appearances matter, but we live in a society where money is the thing that matters most. Money buys things that make us look nice.

JoRuDeNnA
22-03-06, 08:31
I personaly think sometimes or most of the time the first impression is very important....I have to admit that a good looking guy will catch my attention more than an ugly one (dont like the word ugly) but.....also a good presonality and an easygoing person matters more than looks......still when meeting someone what really counts is the attraction between both persons and mostly this attraction is for how the other person looks like...and only time will decide if there's chemestry between them or not and that's when looks wont matter anymore.............OMG I almost lost my point...I hope you understand what Im talking about....I made it so confusing :poh:

Mitsuo
22-03-06, 08:36
My sister has a boyfriend. But look wise, he's not her type, Well, he is now. But it's his personality that made him attractive.

Like I said before: looks are just an accessory, but personality is what really makes a person beautiful..

moffeltoff
22-03-06, 08:39
Yep looks do matter absolutely!
Who would want a girl/guy ,who just looks terrible most people would definetly tend to preferring a goodlooking guy/girl.

JoRuDeNnA
22-03-06, 08:43
I agree but still I dont think anyone will stay with a bad/stupid/any adjective person just because is good looking....that girl/guy most have something else besides his/her looks.....unless you dont want a serious relationship with that person

Kinsao
22-03-06, 11:58
Mitsuo said it best.

looks are just an accessory, but personality is what really makes a person beautiful.
Although, when you meet a person for the first time, you have to get a snap impression based on looks, because at that point you have nothing else to go on.
It's when people never reach beyond that, that you get problems. :wary:

There are certain stereotypes that have a reason behind them: like Thor was pointing out, look for a moment from the point of view of a storekeeper... scruffy = poor = more likely to steal something. Even though it's simplistic, it can be someone's gut reaction.

I posted something on the 'clothes' thread about how I'm sometimes interested to dress in different ways and observe the differences in people's reactions to me.
For example, I have 2 warm coats. One is long and velvet with beads and sequins on it and generally looks pretty swish and as though it cost a lot (it was from a sale! ^^). The other is an old baggy army jacket. I love both those coats about equally. I have noticed very much a difference in response from storekeepers depending on the coat I am wearing! :souka: Odd, but true...

So 'looks matters' applies to what you wear, as well as the natural looks of your face and figure.


Money buys things that make us look nice
That's a very good and important point and says a lot more concisely what I was just woffling on about. :sorry:


Who would want a girl/guy ,who just looks terrible most people would definetly tend to preferring a goodlooking guy/girl.
Hmm, but I wouldn't prefer them if they were a less nice person. ><
IMO, most people don't look 'terrible' really... unless they don't wash themself or brush their hair at all, or something :sick: I don't really think of people as 'ugly'... just that some people stand out as good-looking from the rest (majority) as 'ordinary'.

lastmagi
22-03-06, 22:54
I'm attracted to personality. For me, that's what defines how attractive people are. I know I've fallen for a lot of gals who at first glance didn't look at all pretty, but after I'd gotten to know them, they seem to get prettier. Of course, it apparently must have been the total opposite for them when they got to know me more

:p

MrsAmberface
22-03-06, 23:19
I have been talking to alot of people lately (alot of female people) and it seems that i am picking up a lot of women lately i am not good looking by any means i am just a good listener and i use alot of soft kind words like for instance this one girl i was talking to was starting to cry about a bad memory and i told her "Please dont cry....you are far too beautiful to have tears run down your face." and "Words alone are not enough to sway the heart but for when the time is right the heart moves on its own accord from within." I use words like this (only if I mean them though) to make up for my lack in good looks and i find they work just as good or if not better. So i am asking the good people of jref do looks really matter?


okay i think that this is a matter of the person that you are talking too. i haven't read any previous posts so forgive me if this is a repeat of someone elses. okay i think that it matters who your talking to i mean you could be talking number one to someone who is quite dependant on looks now for females if a guy is the "stuff" he is who everyone wants or wants to be. now i dont' think that looks matter as far as things go. Me and kris have been dating for a year and 3 months now if he wasnt' handsome i still would've talked to him because to me looks dont' make the person people make themselves who they are by personality. i've met beautiful females that are just so ugly and snotty on the inside that i can't stand to look at them.that's just my opinon and my input. now if a my boyfriend said something as sweet as that to me...i'd cry more because of how happy it made me.. just my input hope it helps in the long run:-)

moffeltoff
23-03-06, 14:32
I agree but still I dont think anyone will stay with a bad/stupid/any adjective person just because is good looking....that girl/guy most have something else besides his/her looks.....unless you dont want a serious relationship with that person

Beeing nice sucks the only thing women say to you is :"Wow no one understands me the way you do"
Which means you are a "friend" ,so you have uktimately lost sukker ;)
My experience is ,that its much more attraktiv to be goodlooking *******.

Rich303
23-03-06, 14:53
Beeing nice sucks the only thing women say to you is :"Wow no one understands me the way you do"
Which means you are a "friend" ,so you have uktimately lost sukker

I still prefer 'nice' people - I don't care if being nice sucks.
Nice as in kind, considerate, reliable - what's wrong with that?

I'm not sure I'd want a girl who is attracted to nasty men, anyway.
They're just setting themselves up for years of misery and bitterness later on.

Peace!

Kinsao
23-03-06, 15:12
People say "nice guys finish last".
Partly it can be true.
People overlook "nice guys" sometimes.
Too bad i can never find any of them. :(

All the rejected nice people! come to meeeeeeeee! :yeahh: I love you!! :yeahh:

Rich303
23-03-06, 15:33
Thanks Kinsao, that is kind of reassuring.
I think there is some truth to the saying ''Treat them mean, keep them keen''.
when it comes to getting the ladies.

However, in other areas being nice is quite useful.
I don't think I would have got this job, or the one before it without my better qualities, (not only the actual job specifications)
It is much more pleasurable to be nice if you want to work in a good atmosphere and have good relations with your business contacts, wherever possible.

There is only one person where I work that I don't get on with, and he had a problem with every other english engineer who worked here anyway.

So, I will keep being 'nice', but maybe I need to re-evaluate my approach to the fairer sex.

scieck
23-03-06, 15:37
How about how important is your own look to you ?
Isn't this a reflection of how important, other people looks, are to you ?

Possibly if someone spend hours in front of the mirror before going out, for this person it is more important how other people look, than someone that doesn't check his/her self out in the mirror before going out.

Does it make sense ?

moffeltoff
23-03-06, 20:24
I still prefer 'nice' people - I don't care if being nice sucks.
Nice as in kind, considerate, reliable - what's wrong with that?
I'm not sure I'd want a girl who is attracted to nasty men, anyway.
They're just setting themselves up for years of misery and bitterness later on.
Peace!

Beeing egoistic and selfconfident will get you much further than beeing nice and selfconfident ,thats just the sad truth.

Rich303
24-03-06, 12:36
Beeing egoistic and selfconfident will get you much further than beeing nice and selfconfident ,thats just the sad truth.

It depends what you want out of life Moff.

but I understand what you mean - that you need to be tough to get to the top(e.g in a job), that's a fair enough opinion.

Miss_apollo7
24-03-06, 12:41
How about how important is your own look to you ?
Isn't this a reflection of how important, other people looks, are to you ?
Possibly if someone spend hours in front of the mirror before going out, for this person it is more important how other people look, than someone that doesn't check his/her self out in the mirror before going out.
Does it make sense ?
I agree, I spend loads of money on: makeup, clothes, accessories etc...and I spend much time in front of the mirror every morning, and and also during the day.
Looks are important to me, and that is also the reason I spend much money on hairdressers, facials a few times a year, manicure, working out at the gym etc....
The looks on a person is first impression for me....:blush:

Clawn
25-03-06, 00:35
Are looks important to me? Thanks to the internet, looks have started to matter less and less to me. I judge people based on their morals and their education. I'd say that looks matter to everyone, at first. There are certain occasions, though, when we go beyond the looks, and find something truly beautiful. By that time, looks don't really matter that much.

Do I care how I look? Not really... unless its a costume for some sort of theatrical production...or if its a costume to scare little kids on Halloween.:wave:

I wear no makeup (unless I want to use it for costumes). For clothing, I prefer to wear whatever feels nicest. I'll pick up some clothes based on what they look like, but that's only for formal occasions or if they'll serve some other (preferably humorous) purpose. I was blessed with perfect teeth that have withstood abuse that would make some people cringe. :cool:

Mitsuo
25-03-06, 07:41
I would also like to add on to my earlier posts. Attraction is something that happens virtually on its own... without any conscious decision at all.

It has been studied that 95% of our decisions are made by our unconscious minds. The other 5% is made by pre-determined thoughts.

Tsuyoiko
27-03-06, 13:28
IMO, most people don't look 'terrible' really... unless they don't wash themself or brush their hair at all, or something :sick: I don't really think of people as 'ugly'... just that some people stand out as good-looking from the rest (majority) as 'ordinary'.I would agree with that. I find very good looking people unattractive. There aren't many people I would call ugly. The vast majority of people lie somewhere in between - they are attractive in their own way.
I'm attracted to personality. For me, that's what defines how attractive people are. I know I've fallen for a lot of gals who at first glance didn't look at all pretty, but after I'd gotten to know them, they seem to get prettier.That's true for me too. You don't have to talk to someone for very long to see beyond their looks and find their personality attractive. When I first met Simon I thought he looked like a geek, but it took just long enough for him to pay for a bottle of milk for me to see what is attractive about him.
I think there is some truth to the saying ''Treat them mean, keep them keen''.
when it comes to getting the ladies...So, I will keep being 'nice', but maybe I need to re-evaluate my approach to the fairer sex.I don't think you would be very happy with someone who didn't appreciate your nice personality! I don't know anyone who likes being treated mean - I just think some people don't know any different, and their lack of experience with nice people stops them from finding such a person attractive. But in reality, everyone would be happier with someone nice. Some people don't want to be happy though.
Beeing egoistic and selfconfident will get you much further than beeing nice and selfconfident ,thats just the sad truth.As Rich says, further towards what? Anything that requires me to be something I'm not isn't worth the pursuit.
I would also like to add on to my earlier posts. Attraction is something that happens virtually on its own... without any conscious decision at all.
It has been studied that 95% of our decisions are made by our unconscious minds. The other 5% is made by pre-determined thoughts.I think that's true. Sight isn't the only sense - we process all kinds of information about a person when we first meet them, and who knows what affect it has on us subconsciously?

Flashjeff
28-03-06, 10:29
Well, I like to think I'm a nice guy. I'm just ugly as sin!

:D

dreamer
28-03-06, 13:12
Hum...personnally I'm not the ordinary "look is everything" guy but I do believe that look plays an important part during the 1st contact.
As for this unconsciousness thing well...that might explain why I rarely feel at ease with girls I could potentially date and end up acting like a total stranger :P

PRIZMATIC
29-03-06, 01:49
:blush: For example for me the big role the naked figure of the girl and expression of her face , than, how she is dressed (but in clothes I feel style strongly...)...:blush:
Least it is interesting me to communicate with the girl "intellectually" - it is very"strain"...:p
It is better to drink good wine and to look, how the naked girl in twilight dances...
In a life and so is a lot of problems...:wave:

moffeltoff
29-03-06, 06:16
As Rich says, further towards what? Anything that requires me to be something I'm not isn't worth the pursuit.

Well you can be yourself even if you are a selfish ******* even a nice guy can easily become one without not beeing himself its all a question of adapting.

Reiku
29-03-06, 07:14
Of course looks matter, they aren't everything--and when you're in a relationship they can eventually come to mean almost nothing--but they do matter.

I get sick of all these people saying "looks don't matter, it's just a media lie" and then citing as an example a relationship they had with someone who was "only average"--can you honestly tell me it would have been the same if they were fargin repulsive instead of average?

Of course not. Looks aren't everything, so a person with a deficiency in the physical department can make it up with charm and personality, and likewise a smoking body isn't enough if you've got the personality of a blow-up doll--but all these things matter.

...unless you're blind or something. XD

Physical attractiveness isn't just media hype--it's instinctual, an inborn process of selecting a suitible mate for procreation. Granted, alot of what is considered "beautiful" is manufactured these days, so by the time you're an adult you're veiws on physical attractiveness can be significantly altered by social conditioning--but even if none of that was there we would still have an instinctive sense of what was and was not attractive.

Even in long term relationships where beauty has ceased to matter, how the person looks is still important. If you're wife or husband of 30 years came home one day and looked like someone completely different--not more or less atractive, just like a different person--can you honestly say it wouldn't make a difference?

Of course it would, we come to recognize the person we love visually--however they look becomes "beautiful" to us over time, but if they suddenly looked like someone else it would be hard to ignore your senses telling you that it wasn't them.

The idea that "looks don't matter" is every bit as much propaganda as the idea that looks do matter--the propganda just comes from different camps.

Ultimately it's the complete package that makes--or breaks--the deal, not any one feature.

Abbott
23-06-10, 09:54
good question.look DO NOT matter in the sense that if you fall in love with someone you're only going to have eyes for them anyway.looks DO matter in the sense that when you fall in love and you only have eyes for them that you realize they're total eye candy! :p you have to realize, you might be a perfectionist..there is someone out there for everyone as everyone in the world has different tastes..someone might have a thing for tattoos, or scars, another for smooth perfect skin..someone else might go for short guys, another for super-tall. you're unique-and that's why someone will fall for you. all YOU have to do is enjoy it.

however, the key point here that i'm sensing is that you're not loving yourself-if you think you're slightly overweight-and this is one of the things you mention bout your whole self in two lines, then i'm guessing that youre probably weighing yourself down with guilt and negativitiy as well. could that be stopping you from going out and living a better life? if so, just see if you can lose that bit of weight you think makes you look bad..you will feel so much better-emotionally, and physically.

Minty
27-06-10, 21:26
I had a conversation with my South Korean girlfriend once about this topic.

She often mentions that the clothes here are so plain, too mature looking, and that there are so few clothes for young people.

Then she made a comment about my clothes, which are often grey or black and very simple. Nevertheless there are still so many guys going after me.

I laughed and told her that in western countries people don't go into that much effort to dress up unlike in South Korea or Japan. She told me that if I were to go to Korea for vacation I would discover that people would make lots of effort to dress up very beautifully over there! Mum later told me that in all of the East Asian countries girls need to dress up very well to attract guys!

I continued to express my point of view and told her that, if all that people cared about were fancy clothes then the young people here wouldn't go on dates and have relationships.

I think she watches too much television, television isn’t real!

I believe Physical attraction is more about the person rather than her clothes. After all in the end the guy just wants to see you naked. Some like boobs, thigh, butt or even feet!

They don't care about clothes, it is mostly the girls who do, or she has this impression because of the fashion magazines she has been reading!

Yes compare to Japan or Korea it is true people here wear much simpler clothes. However, seriously compare to Perth or other cities in Australia I had always thought that the clothes here were of wide selections.

This is not the case anymore because of what people who come from metropolis cities have been telling me.

So I guess looks matter but they are only one part of the picture!

Cambrius (The Red)
28-06-10, 04:02
Looks always mater, to some extent.

Ameroman
17-06-12, 12:36
Yes, indeed they do says scientific research. I would link you to sciencedaily if i could. There was one article that suggested teachers favored the better looking children. There was some other stuff on there too that was pretty damning

Ameroman
17-06-12, 12:38
I also think that people may respond differently based on how much initial impressions count with them. See, I am not a believer in the idea that the first impression counts for much. So basically i wouldnt be suprised if people who were unaware of the research and who felt as I do, would answer in the "partially" catagory

Ameroman
17-06-12, 12:45
I had a conversation with my South Korean girlfriend once about this topic.

She often mentions that the clothes here are so plain, too mature looking, and that there are so few clothes for young people.

Then she made a comment about my clothes, which are often grey or black and very simple. Nevertheless there are still so many guys going after me.

I laughed and told her that in western countries people don't go into that much effort to dress up unlike in South Korea or Japan. She told me that if I were to go to Korea for vacation I would discover that people would make lots of effort to dress up very beautifully over there! Mum later told me that in all of the East Asian countries girls need to dress up very well to attract guys!

I continued to express my point of view and told her that, if all that people cared about were fancy clothes then the young people here wouldn't go on dates and have relationships.

I think she watches too much television, television isn’t real!

I believe Physical attraction is more about the person rather than her clothes. After all in the end the guy just wants to see you naked. Some like boobs, thigh, butt or even feet!

They don't care about clothes, it is mostly the girls who do, or she has this impression because of the fashion magazines she has been reading!

Yes compare to Japan or Korea it is true people here wear much simpler clothes. However, seriously compare to Perth or other cities in Australia I had always thought that the clothes here were of wide selections.

This is not the case anymore because of what people who come from metropolis cities have been telling me.

So I guess looks matter but they are only one part of the picture!

I like your response there lady. You definately understand the male perspective. I would say though that women focus too much on clothing instead of things like good skin and hair. The face is something that I pay alot of attention to, so perhaps thats why these things are a big deal to me. Good face+thin body (here in america, alot of women are HUGE) = im open to a relationship. After that, its just about personality compatability.

Eldritch
07-01-17, 13:16
Looks are everything.

This is something that I don't want to be true, that I used to react viscerally to, and that I once thought morality would override. In fact I feel like a dick for even bringing it up today. But truth must take priority, and I'm going to have to sound like a dick to spread this helpful info. This will be in rant format because I don't have time for a structured essay. So here goes.
I've been a 3, I've been a 8, and along the way I've been everywhere in between. I've seen how people treat a wide range of men, because that's what I've been these past few years. And I've had days where I felt, even acted like a 3, when my looks were a few points higher. So let me tell you that the way you act matters much less than the way you look (in most circumstances).
Example: back in the day I tried using online dating and none of my pickup lines worked. I never got laid, and it was bad. Fast forward a couple years and now everyone swipes me right on tinder and I've got thousands of matches and I can't possibly sleep with all these women so I don't give a **** and often reuse some of my old pickup lines. Guess what? They work now. They all work now. I picked up a tinder 9 (real life 7.5) the other day with the Pythagorean theorem for ****'s sake. Just straight up "a2 + b2 = c2 ", her response was "That's the Pythagorean theorem", and I followed it with "yeah I'm a mathematician so give me your number" she responds with 3.1415 I call her a cutie pi and boom next thing you know she's measuring the circumference of my dick.
Same dynamic goes for real life interactions, though honestly tinder is so much faster/easier/cheaper that I might just make the switch to an all digital sex life.
And better yet, women often message me first. It's insane, really. You go your whole life beating yourself up over not being smooth enough to get the ladies, thinking its some mental or confidence issue, then you go and get ripped, and now you can act like a total dick and get nearly perfect results. ****, man. You were never insane, you were never personally ****** up, you were just ugly as hell... what a wake up call that was.
Have you ever said something totally stupid which turned into an awkward moment? If you're hot, no problem, just follow up the stupid thing with a handsome smirk and a smartass comment that takes it to the next level. Agree and amplify yourself and people will take it as a joke, if you're good looking. They'll think you're sarcastically ******* with them, and will have a moment of "hey, I see what you did there an am now in on the joke. This feels good because I now think there's a personal connection between me and this attractive man". Gets you out of the awkward situation 100% of the time and is a great subject changing opportunity to let you direct the convo. Wouldn't work as well if you're ugly.
Another thing: people's perception of your competence. If you're out of shape, people will skew their perception of you towards the loser scale, whereas if you're fit, people will hand you opportunities left and right. Looking for a job? Get in shape and you'll have better luck.
Think of a male role model of yours. Think of a few. How many of them are physically attractive? How many are out of shape?
So guys, if you're like I was and are questioning whether you've "got what it takes" to be an alpha male, let me tell you right now that you don't have a damn thing to worry about. Eat right, workout regularly, lift, and our image-obsessed society will propel you right up to the ranks of alpha whether you like it or not. Plus the process of getting in shape will change you and give you a confidence boost automatically. Then looking down from the top you'll realize how fake and hilarious everyone is, and that perspective shift will make you feel powerful as hell. The upward spiral is real, it's there, and it's waiting for you to make the first move.


Alright, final disclaimer: while looks are everything, you still need a compelling mission and a solid character. Looks are everything to the world around you, but your character is everything to yourself and everything you are. This life is yours, so get on good terms with society and then do what you came here to do.

Leandros
01-08-17, 07:59
Looks matter a lot

noman
01-08-17, 09:46
I am from Pakistan, so my answer might be slightly different from European perspective.

In my country look means White Skin tone. If you have White skin tone, that means you are beautiful. Our entertainment industry is filled with fair complex people. Models, actors/actresses,, or whatsoever. Girls with pale skin gets more marriage proposal than browner or dark skin girls. Pale skin guys usually don't take girls seriously, since they know we could find anyone easily.

Advise from older people - When you look for a wife, she should be shorter in height, paler than you, and should be less educated than yourself.
-I am not generalizing everyone. There are few people who can't care about such things. Still, majority do.

Starlight
10-03-18, 11:26
I think yes.That's the first thing someone notices about you,that's the first impression,so yes it matters.

Héloïse
12-04-19, 13:20
thank you to you hehe