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Ma Cherie
05-02-05, 01:33
There has been a trend of mail order brides lately. And it seems that women who are mail order brides end up in horrible relationships. I wish I knew more about this subject. But I am doing some research, so I would like to know how anyone feels about this subject. Any opinions anyone? :cool:

I would also like to know wheather you think mail order brides are a good idea or not. As of now however, I don't think they are.

lexico
05-02-05, 12:31
I am totally new to the subject. I've seen certain sites advertising this so-called mail order brides. I mean in principle it could compare nicely with on-line dating or match-making services. Personally I find the idea of on-line dating and marriage a little odd. This is becuse on-line comunication is good for exchanging ideas, and images, but to find a person to share one's life with, I believe the internet falls quite short.

There are so many things that are difficult to verbalize, but which become obvious from meeting a person face to face. The correlationship of on-line compatibility and real life compatibility, which you have begun to study, is quite a mystery. Some people can choose to show only the best foot when seeking a "hot" prospect, and only see what one wants to see in the other person, leading to infatuation more than is natural in a real realtionship.

But since you want to look at this topic from an objective point of view, I think there is the possiblity for on-line dating / marriage to grow into healthy marriages which which are as sussessful as the real world thing.

I'd also like to comment on the word "mail-order." Whoever started using that term was either being humorous or has a twisted view of life in general. I strongly object to that kind of debasing, if internet-induced marriages are to be taken seriously. Of course, as you have pointed out, the sad reality of such marriages may be the cause of that ignoble name. That's what I have to say, from the top of my head, but without much thought. Good luck with your research. I think it is a fine topic that deserves a decent amount of attention, the kind that you have demonstrated. :cool:

Frank D. White
05-02-05, 15:03
back in the 70's when CB radio was the form of chat room at that time, I placed an order for a wife-to-be over the airways. A month or so later, a woman I'd never met said she had my exact desire at her home, come meet her.I got directions and when to see this "perfect woman". I married her 6 months later; this summer makes 28 years of marriage! Kind of a "mail order bride".

Frank

:blush:

Miss_apollo7
05-02-05, 17:55
Nice story Frank!!

About the word : "mail-order" brides, I don't use it and think the word is patronizing.
I certainly think it is ok and good if people meet their "only one" after a period of letter exchanges, however, I prefer meeting the person several times and getting to know them better before getting committed with wedding vows etc..

In my opinion, it is a too easy and weird way of meeting people.
However, I see a difference between people who just want to date and meet someone special, and people who want to have a wife /husband no matter looks, hobbies, etc..

misa.j
05-02-05, 23:19
I have never heard this before, but the word itself sonds kind of sketchy. It is too bad that the brides fall into bad relationships.

Do you have more info on this?

Sally_Hawn
05-02-05, 23:31
Well, if someone is willing to pay for a maid/wife/sex-partner (whatever you call it) from overseas at a right price, and the other end is willing to accept it, who am I to judge them?

Ma Cherie
06-02-05, 01:50
From what I have discovered, but I haven't accepted as the truth. Is that the majority of the men that are seeking mail order brides are in their 50's and want younger wives. But men in 20's and 30's have been seeking mail order brides as well. These men come from Western nations and it seems that they find the women in their country undesirable.

The reason for this, Western women can be percieved as being too assertive, ordomineering, and difficult to please. A foreign wife however, is not submissive, but she is also not domineering and forceful.
And support their husbands. This is only one of the reasons I have discovered some men seek foreign brides.

lexico
06-02-05, 12:54
These men come from Western nations and it seems that they find the women in their country undesirable.
The reason for this, Western women can be percieved as being too assertive, ordomineering, and difficult to please.That makes a lot of sense, Ma Cherie.
Adding to the fact the the couple will be living far away from the mother in law. I've noticed some Amrican (Western) husbands feel threatened by the mother in law. Do you also see that as a factor?
Why do you think that Western women can often be unsupportive of their husbands? Is it the men being demanding, or the women being insensitive? Is it a fundamental problem, or just a communication problem where one does not effectively convey one's needs to the other?

Ma Cherie
06-02-05, 21:16
Yes, I think it's a possibility that some Western men are threatened by their mother in laws. But for the most part, these men are seeking women with traditional views of motherhood and tradional views of being a wife. Something that they do not find in most Western nations. (Possibly in America in particular). Because most women these days are career orientated.

babar-san
06-02-05, 22:14
ii think it can work for the ppl you have already mentioned, but it can also fail horribly.
besides, there are several sub-catagories of mail order brides. the first is obviously the one we are discussing, where liked minded ppl arrange to be together (the thought is still so alien to me) without first having known each other.
the second and probably least known is "passport" or "visa" marriages, where foreign women actually pay the male (mostly american and euro) to gain legal entrance into the country. the going rate is usually between 5-15,000! the couple is legally married,
but the female is usually allowed to do whatever she wants, date other ppl, go to school, seek a carreer, etc, until she finds whatever she needs to stay in the country, whitch usually means marriage to another man, at whitch point, the couple divorces so she can marry again! weird huh? one of my asian friends from taiwan was telling me about it, she said she heard some horror stories about men threatening to divorce the woman if she wasnt a devout "sex slave" while they were in each others company. a bad business deal.
then theres the mail-order sex partner. we all know about that one.
anyways, i prefer japanese girls. not because their submissive (many are not) or want a family, or hold traditional values like their parents. im simply more attracted to them.
they could be as domineering, career oriented, asertive, whatever, doesnt bother me, in fact, i say more power to them. there arent many asians where i live, but there is no way in hell i would marry someone id never spent time with. i mean, what if the sex thing just felt awkward or just wasnt good, what would you do then?
the true meaning of "your screwed" comes to light, hahahahahaha

dreamer
06-02-05, 23:44
I'd just say one thing: this scares the hell out of me...

jt_
07-02-05, 00:10
Personally, I just feel sad for both parties involved in something like this...

I feel sorry for men who for whatever reason (lack of patience? desperation?) are depriving themselves of a chance to meet and get to know women in person in the hopes of trying to find someone they truly connect with.

...and I feel sorry for women who are so desperate to get married to anyone (probably most of them are from poor families and are just looking for a way to escape their surroundings) that they are willing to submit themselves to a stranger they don't even know.

That's not to say that it could never work out -- the man could be a genuinely decent person who's just too shy to meet a girl any other way, the girl might find someone who will make her happy, and they could live happily ever after -- but the chances for disaster (and exploitation) are too high, I think.

Ma Cherie
07-02-05, 02:44
Personally, I just feel sad for both parties involved in something like this...

I feel sorry for men who for whatever reason (lack of patience? desperation?) are depriving themselves of a chance to meet and get to know women in person in the hopes of trying to find someone they truly connect with.

...and I feel sorry for women who are so desperate to get married to anyone (probably most of them are from poor families and are just looking for a way to escape their surroundings) that they are willing to submit themselves to a stranger they don't even know.


That's not to say that it could never work out -- the man could be a genuinely decent person who's just too shy to meet a girl any other way, the girl might find someone who will make her happy, and they could live happily ever after -- but the chances for disaster (and exploitation) are too high, I
think.


Yes, you're correct about this, although not all these women come from third world countries, they are seeking a better life for themselves. Interesting enough, these women are also looking abroad for a good husband. There have been rumors speculating that Western men make good husbands. Appearantly, these cannot find what they're looking for in their own nation.

Censport
07-02-05, 18:11
I've seen two sides of this.

One, where the woman comes from overseas and ends up married to a possesive monster. I've seen a couple of those.

The other, where the woman comes from overseas and ends up married to a decent, loving husband. Then, once she has her citizenship, divorces nice guy and sues him for everything he's got. I've known a few guys who've been through that, and only one did a proper job with the pre-nups and still has everything he worked for.

Me? Marriage might still be on my horizon one day... but not by mail order. Motorcycles, on the other hand....

Censport
07-02-05, 18:16
Also, I've known two Japanese women who married American men in Japan and then moved here with their husbands. One wasn't happy in America, divorced and moved back to Japan. The other isn't happy with her husband (he stays out all night drinking and doesn't clean up after himself, which is, oddly, a stereotype of Japanese husbands) but is happy in the U.S. and is getting a degree so she can have her own life here one day.

Miss_apollo7
11-02-05, 21:32
Personally, I just feel sad for both parties involved in something like this...

I feel sorry for men who for whatever reason (lack of patience? desperation?) are depriving themselves of a chance to meet and get to know women in person in the hopes of trying to find someone they truly connect with.


My thoughts exactly....I also think it is too desperate and somehow insincere to just find a woman only with the purpose of marriage...before even getting to know them in person.....

Knives
11-02-05, 22:13
im not for the idea of ordering a bride by mail but if thats what ppl want to do let them.. like frank said it worked for him (late congrats frank!!!!) by the way you guys should watch the episode of aqua teen hunger force called "mail order bride" its pretty funny

Minty
06-06-06, 23:35
I saw a judge Judy episode where an African American engineer ordered a mail order bride from the Philippines. After she got to the states she refused to sleep with him but cleaned his house, and he paid her. They ended in Judge Judy because he was not getting sex from her and she said she was just in the US to work and sent back money to her families. I couldn't remember what she did with that case in the end; it was a couple years ago.
I also have memory of watching an episode of a current affair, an Australian TV show about current affairs few years so. The Aussie men on the show said that they liked these mail order brides from Eastern Europe because they were slim and beautiful and obedient.

When I visited the U.S, I had an experience like that being picked by some Taiwanese American travel agent for his son, and I didnft like the method and I was younger at the time with no interest of getting married yet.

Moreover, I prefer to be friends with the person first and see if things work out, even though most of the time the guys I dated were hunting me out of the crowd because they like what they saw, but at least it was in a social situation and it was in Australia where I used to permanently live.

Minty
07-06-06, 22:20
I want to add that men in first world countries who use the mail order bride services are usually the ones who didn't able to find wives, or they want much younger wives.

Women who participated in mail bride services are women who are born in poor impoverished, impecunious families. There are women who are born in wealthy above average families in developing countries. So just because somebody is chinese doesn't mean she is definately penurious.

As for marriage arrangement I think it is getting less and less popular today, people today like to choose their love of their lives on their own.

When a woman gets older she is more likely to move overseas for marriage because by that time she has finished her degree and has worked or if she never got a degree but she has worked already for some time. People are more likely to want an international experience when they get older, that's why people go to another country for Masters or PHD degrees. Most people tend to do their first degrees in their home countries.

Having said that if other people are happy with this method of finding their other halves, I donft have a problem with it, but I prefer to meet the person and date the person a few times before going in relationships and later getting married. It is difficult to make a decision regarding marrying somebody on just seeing a profile on the internet or seeing a few photos or a video about that person.