Criticism: Why, How, With What ?
Maciamo said:
For me, rational criticism and personal sentiments are two clearly dinstinct things. Criticism usually affects only one aspect of something or someone, rather than the whole.
(1) One of the motivation for criticism is to improve an existing situation, because we care enough for it not to tolerate it to be mediocre or bad.
(2) There is a proverb in French and Italian that say "Qui aime bien chatie bien" or "Chi ama bene castiga bene" (in English, "Who loves well, chastise well"). This saying probably describes well my attitude to the world in general. Maybe it is due to my strict intellectual education.
What about you ? Can you like/love and (harshly) criticise at the same time ?
Sticking to the last question to avoid chastisement by thread originator, I can (ability), but would do so with caution.
Why chastise ?
(1) refers to the moral principle of mutual responsibility. Not to stop a disaster of a fellow human being from happening when it was obvious, and still preventable would be a major slide on the person's intergrity. I have experienced quick criticism on this forum to be benefiting on several levels.
1) it gives me a chance to correct an error early on before things are beyond repair. If everybody thought it was more polite to mind their own business and not correct, I would not only have learned nothing, but also would have had to face major consequences later on.
2) it prevents misinformation of readers
3) it prevents the chastiser from corrupting into a knowing bystander, a sarcastic hypocrite
How to chastise ?
(2) The adverbs or adjective-adverbs 'bien, bene, well' can have several different meanings. Skillfully, Often, Successfully. The point is to get the corrective message across with good result; the actual method or attitude involved may vary accodring to each particular situation. The greatest difficulty faced by the chastise is probably 'rejection.' To glide over possible negativity or skillfully handle negative responses, the chastiser must excercise certain tactics. Trust, respect, no conflict of interest, all seem to play important roles, yet in desperate situations, extreme measures such as threats or even coercion might be necessary. All depending on context.
What does it take to chastise ?
To be able to criticise another person does not seem to be a gift one is born with. The greatest factor in determining how a person perceives criticism would be, as originator said, one's upbringing in the home and school. I might also add to this, one's social experience. When emotionally charged, harsh criticisms were regularly given a child, one would have at least some negative view of criticism in general. If on the other hand, all criticism were rational & discreetly separated from personal bonds, then one would grow up with a positive view of criticism. One fictitious example from the popular SciFi series would be Mr. Spok, the Vulcan, who is ready to give a cold evaluation of Captain Kirk's idea without ties to either tradition or human emotions.
My Style of Criticism
I view my upbringing as tilting towards the second, but with some emotional scar (not much though, thankfully). Therefore I view criticism positively. But because I am also aware of the psychological damage of emotionally charged criticism, I tend to be a little careful when I can. For children or individuals who have/are suffered/suffering unusual stress, effective criticism should involve serious preparation and calculation of the various possible consiquences.
In two sentences, I love to correct myself and others who are as strong as me emotionally. But I am rather bad when it comes to a weaker me or someone who is already suffering. I might care too much with the result that I let things slide, sometimes serious mistakes. I might also misjudge a person as strong, but find out that was not the case after the fact. I'm vulnerable too, so I forgive myself.
So if I'm too harsh on anyone, and you think I've been unfair, do let me know, and I will listen. Also if I'm beating around the bush and wasting your time, it's only because I don't know you well enough to put blind trust in your emotional fortitude. Not a major sin, is it ?