Bullying: Part 2
I remember vividly one day a girl told me that I would be a virgin for the rest of my life. While I figured she had no idea what a virgin was (neither did I for that matter), the more I look back at the memory the more ironic it seems. Sometimes I think that should have been a queue for Bill Enigval to come up to me and say ?gHere?fs your sign!?h
After one major fight with a bully in the fourth grade I decided to give up on fighting back, and instead turned to depression. It didn?ft get any better when I got to junior high either. The bullies had finally won, and every day I was harassed more than the day before. I was shoved into lockers, beaten up, mocked, put on public display for embarrassment, violated, humiliated, etc. My personality also began to change. I became suicidal, violent with rage, angry at my friends, and I even chased off those who cared about me. You know there were some girls who wanted to be my friend, but I drove them all away so I wouldn?ft be backstabbed. In my mind I figured nobody would miss me when I?fm dead anyway so why start having friends now?
I hated everybody in my school (I still do), I gained more and more weight, and the bullying just got worse. By the time high school rolled around I was already getting ready to attempt suicide. The weight had gone out of control, the teasing got worse, and my parents still thought that everything would work out in the end. Hell they thought I?fd have a girlfriend by then. Why would I want a girlfriend when the moral majority of the female population in the class mocked me for my looks? By this time everybody knew what a virgin was, and let?fs just say the jokes of me being doomed got out of control. I had no friends, nobody to turn to, and I only trusted myself. The only option for me was suicide.
Then one day I went to the doctor for a check up. He pulled me into a room, and sat down across from me on a stool. He looked at me, and finally told me I was going to die. Yes I was going to die. Within three years to be exact. With my glucose levels dangerously high, my cholesterol dangerously high, my weight dangerously high, and my depression reaching the depths to the point were even drugs would have a hard time controlling it, would eventually die from a massive heart attack before I would be nineteen. It was then that I realized that my wish was coming true, I was finally killing myself. The only thing was I was committing suicide in a very slow and painful way. It was then that I took a step back and evaluated my self worth. It was then that I realized that I had something to go on.
I was an intelligent person, I had talent that no other kid had at my school, I had a will stronger than others, and I realized I wanted to live more than anything. I also realized something else. All this time I thought I was the weak one, the inferior person in the gene pool, but I was wrong I was so very wrong. It was them, the bullies that were the inferior ones. I realized then that they bullied me only because of their own shortcomings; shortcomings that easily outweighed my own. I realized that the bullies that teased me: the jocks, the preps, the nerds, the stoners, etc were all worthless people in their opinions of me. They didn?ft know who I was, hell they couldn?ft understand me if they tried. It was because they were all ignorant. They teased me because they were all inadequate in one way or another. Even the kids who had it good that teased me only did it so they could fit in, to feel apart of the group.