PDA

View Full Version : European Jokes



Maciamo
11-05-06, 13:10
The BBC has taken the initiative to start an article where readers can send their "publishabel jokes" about the European Union or European culture in general.

=> BBC News : Cakes and jokes at Cafe d'Europe (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4755659.stm).

Let's open with one of the best known ones :



In Heaven: the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian,
and the bankers are Swiss.

In Hell: the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.


Given that France has been a pioneer and leader in mechanics (e.g. cars, aviation) for a very long time, I would like to replace :

"In Hell: the mechanics are French" by
"In Hell: the mechanics are Spanish (or Portuguese or Greek)"

A few other selected ones from the site :


How the EU works: In Germany, they make the rules, in Britain, they obey the rules, in France, they bend the rules, in Spain, they break the fules and in Italy they have no rules at all.


There was a cruise ship full of english, french, germans and italians, sinking in the middle of the med, the captain had radioed for help and been told that if the passengers jumped into the sea then they could be picked up. Now, being sort of busy trying to salvage what he could of the ship, he sent his young second in command off to give the passengers their instructions. 5 minutes later he came back looking disappointed. "What's wrong?" the captain asked? "They all refuse to just jump into the sea like that, they won't listen to me", replied his second in command. So, looking frustrated, the the captain went off to do it himself. He too came back 5 minutes later, however he, unlike his second, returned a smug grin! "How did you do that?" demanded the second "Well..." started the captain"...I told the British it was traditional, I told the French it was fashionable, I told the Germans it was an order and I told the Italians it was forbidden!"


A prize was to be awarded for the first person to discover a horse with black and white stripes like a zebra. A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Spaniard participated hoping to win the prize of 1,000,000 euros. The German decided to spend weeks in the National library researching into horses with black and white stripes. The Englishman went straight to a shop in Piccadilly which specialises in hunting gear, bought all the equipment necessary and set off for Africa in his quest for this strange creature. The Frenchman bought himself a horse and painted it black and white . The Spaniard went to the best restaurant he knew in Madrid, ordered an expensive meal for himself with a fine bottle of wine; after the meal he ordered an expensive Havana cigar and a Napoleon brandy, sat in a luxurious arm-chair in the hotel and began to consider what he would do with the 1,000,000 euros once he had found this remarkable horse with black and whte stripes.

Michael Folkesson
19-03-12, 17:06
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.

By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl vritin styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KOM TRU!

Herr Schmidt

Carlos
19-03-12, 17:26
A couple comes to travel in Spain, in one of his excursions will visit a farm breeding bulls, the guide explains:
- Here is a bull of 400 kg which makes 4 daily ride. Ah! exclaims the woman and big open eyes, rubs her husband and says:
- Did you hear that, honey?
Go ahead and guide: This bull weighs 500 pounds and ride daily for 6. She excitedly told her husband: - Did you hear, dear?
Continue with the visit and this time the guide stops in front of a copy of 800 kg, which makes 20 daily ride. Before a woman can express her surprise, the husband asks: - Do you ride 20 are the same cow?
- No!! Exclaims the guide with 20 different cows
- The husband turns to his wife and says: Did you hear, dear?