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Ryes
01-11-07, 12:42
Sometimes in the middle of the day, when I have nothing better to do I like to come up with jokes and puns of my own. Here is today's selection.

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I found a new bestseller at the bookshop. The author's name was Paige Turner.

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Why don't the Palestinian have a chance at the metaphorical arm wrestling with the Israeli ? Because the Jews are "muscle tough" (or was that mazel tov ?)

Maciamo
03-11-07, 23:10
They did find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Millions of them, called Korans.

Mycernius
05-11-07, 19:18
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor

So, what do you get when you drop a piano onto an army base?
A flat major

Starship
20-11-07, 11:16
They carried out a survey recently in a small town outside of Dublin and they asked the population if they felt imigration was becoming an issue.

27% replied yes

73% replied nie

Maciamo
20-11-07, 13:34
They carried out a survey recently in a small town outside of Dublin and they asked the population if they felt imigration was becoming an issue.
27% replied yes
73% replied nie

The question is, would Ireland be able to support its amazing growth without cheap Polish labour ?

Starship
20-11-07, 14:39
Absolutely not and they are very welcome - doesn't mean we cant have a joke about it.

Nazdrowie!

Funnily enough after English it's believed Mandarin and then Polish are the most spoken languages in Ireland.

Ryes
23-11-07, 23:50
What is the generic term of whistling, burbping, stomach gurgling and farting ?
Organ music.

Ryes
24-02-08, 23:49
Young recruit going out for a friendly drink with his boss after work :

Boss : "So Dan, do you like tits ?"
Employee : (a bit surprised and taken aback by the question) "Who doesn't, sir ?"
Boss : "Oh yeah, black tits especially. Beautiful ! And cute too."
Employee : (nodding, a bit baffled by his boss' directness)
Boss : "I like watching them when I get up in the morning. You know, through the window".
Employee : "Through the window ? You mean you are peeking at, er... females, from your apartment's window ?"
Boss : "Females or males, I don't know. But you sure better be peeping if you don't want to scare them away. Haha !".
Employee : (smiling in disbelief)
Boss : "So, do you have a lot of tits where you are from ?"
Employee : (a bit embrassed) "Err, yes. We certainly do, sir."
Boss : "And, tell me Dan, what's your favourite kind of birds ? Do you prefer the cute, shy, little ones, or the predators ?"
Employee : "Well..."
Boss : "Come on boy, don't be so reserved ! If you care to join me one day, I've got good binoculars, we could have fun watching my favourite tits from my place if you want."
Employee : "Frankly sir, er... to tell you the truth I have a fiancée and..."
Boss : "What does your fiancée have to do with that ? Would she like to come too ?"
Employee : (in disbelief) "With all due respect, I don' think it's really appropriate for you and me to discuss inviting my fiancée to watch naked women from your apartment."
Boss : "Naked women ? Who told you about naked women, you little pervert ?"
Employee : "But the tits, sir..." (waiting a moment) Oh, you actually meant the birds, right ?"
Boss : (upset) "Yes, of course, I meant the birds. You know, the animal, with wings. What on earth do you think I was talking about ?"

:D

MarkMuses
30-07-10, 15:16
Somebody complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on the windscreen- it said 'Parking Fine'.

Minty
30-07-10, 22:27
The scene is North Africa, at the height of fierce battles in World War 2. An Australian junior officer meets a British senior officer on the front line. "Good morning young man," says the British officer, "Did you come here to die?"

"No Sir," replies the young Australian, "I came yesterday".

Cambrius (The Red)
10-08-10, 19:40
The scene is North Africa, at the height of fierce battles in World War 2. An Australian junior officer meets a British senior officer on the front line. "Good morning young man," says the British officer, "Did you come here to die?"
"No Sir," replies the young Australian, "I came yesterday".

Quite funny...

shannonwells830
17-09-12, 09:28
Hahaha...I find this thread very interesting and funny. Sorry I can't contribute any jokes. But I'll be back here to get a good laugh.

Alizey
28-08-13, 07:42
Jokes are the source of hummer foe everyone.
A good joke makes laugh a person and he can smile for a moment.
Here I want to share a joke.
A teacher asked, "Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny responded, "Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king."

adamo
28-08-13, 08:23
How about thin-king have you ever tried doing that?

Twilight
31-08-13, 00:02
Why did the chicken cross the road?

LeBrok
31-08-13, 03:13
Was it suicidal?

Nobody1
04-09-13, 17:25
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYcg1ot1iWs

Twilight
13-09-13, 21:27
Nope? give up? :)

Twilight
01-10-13, 21:44
Pistacios are a real crack up

roseroser
31-07-14, 17:14
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?A: It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye dogs.

roseroser
31-07-14, 17:14
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.

roseroser
31-07-14, 17:15
Q: What is the difference between a boy and a girl?
A: A boy is eight times more likely to be convicted of murder.

roseroser
31-07-14, 17:15
A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."

The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."

The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?"

roseroser
31-07-14, 17:16
Q: How did disco die?
A: In the disco inferno.

roseroser
31-07-14, 17:17
Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

roseroser
31-07-14, 17:18
How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

Aberdeen
31-07-14, 18:57
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.