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Maciamo
26-10-02, 14:34
That's a psychological question worth analysing. Men tend to be more arrogant and selfish than women and talk more about themselves. In Japan the role of women is to listen and praise them. That's why hostess bars are so numerous in Japan. That's also why women are often kept at tea-serving positions and must accompany their male superiors for a drink after work. Well, that's another problem. I'll just ask you if you do believe or not that men are more inclined to talk about themselves or not.

thomas
26-10-02, 15:05
I tend to believe it's a question of character. I am just reading a book by Allan & Barbara Pease entitled "Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps", in Japanese.

Maciamo
26-10-02, 15:14
Yeah, I know that book. I had a look at a few pages in a bookshop. I bought "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", in a similar line, last year.

moyashi
26-10-02, 16:34
@ other
Women gab about themselves to other women and men aren't there to witness it.

I want another option added.
Women want to talk about themselves just as much as men do but they expect men to ask them first! If you don't ask them first they'll make sure you know that you should've asked them first.

ooops that might not fit. Cut it off at the "!" then ...

Maciamo
26-10-02, 16:53
I think that women like talking about their feelings rather than about what they've have done or can do. They also prefer to talk about other people (gossip) or ask about the person they are talking to. My wife sometimes complains that I don't ask her enough questions, what she interprete as a lack of interest. I just expect her to speak whenever she has something to say. On the other hand, she says that I talk too much (but about things she might not be interested :blush: ).

thomas
26-10-02, 22:49
They also prefer to talk about other people (gossip) or ask about the person they are talking to.

As Moyashi pointed out, they usually gossip among each other.


On the other hand, she says that I talk too much (but about things she might not be interested.

That's the reason we end up online at bulletin boards. ;)

moyashi
28-10-02, 15:44
hehe, maybe we should just get a few of the young lady members here to fess up? Might be smarter and much quicker than just having a bunch of guys trying to figure out something they'll never possibly figure out on their own.

;)

deborah gormley
28-10-02, 21:56
1st young lady lol:angel:
I personaly beleive its down to a case of culture and up-bringing, I'm a little surprised to hear that japanese men speak openly about themselves and that some men in general do this as a pass time in bars ect, from my own personal experience "men" (father, brothers,husband ect)do not speak about themselves or other men as some kind of "secret code of hounor" or something like that, to get a man to tell you his emotions ect, its like "pulling teeth", so this is unusal to me, however from the ladies point of veiw, as moyashi said, "we gab on quite abit" about everything, men,children,work,chores,men,shopping, neighbours,men lolol:bluush: :blush: but even my husband is self taught in the fine art of pleasantly smiling and switching off his ears untill I require an answer,lolol:rolleyes: this is an exceptable part of life for us ladies, because we can gab about it and say "well what do we really expect they are only MEN":D :clap:

lineartube
31-10-02, 19:31
I think women can gossip with either female and male friends if they feel that they can trust them and thats from personnal experience.

As for men, I think that it depends on personality and culture

Maciamo
01-11-02, 04:31
Oups, sorry ! I've only just realised that my initial question was not very clear and could be understood in 2 different ways.

"Do men talk more about themselves than women ?"
By this I mean "does a man like speaking about himself (because he finds himself important, maybe), more than a woman would talk about herself".
I didn't mean "do men like gossipping about each others more", or "do men talk about each other a lot".

Sorry for the confusion.

In Japan, it's very clear that Japanese men like to be listened and praised by females or other (subordinate) males. I think it's in the nature of men like this. I've read "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus", by John Gray (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/006016848X/qid=1036117210/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-9992670-5901420?v=glance) last year and here are a few things I find particularily true and enlightening :

A man needs to feel reassured of his value all the time. He needs to hear that he is right more than a woman. Women need to feel apprieciated and respected. So, men need to be reassured about their capacities, knowledge or efficiency, while women need emotional support and feel they are useful (i.e. that their presence is desired). The worst offence for a man is to hear "you are not good enough to do that !". However, a woman would be more shocked if she was told "you are not necessary".

Personally, I tend to feel offended when someone want to "help" me with something I can very well do by myself. It feels like a supposition that I am not good enough. My wife is offended if I tell her I don't need her to help me, because I can manage very well by myself.
Interestingly, the other way round, it's no problem. She can ask me help and I am happy to show that I can help, while she is glad to be helped too. But I hate to be criticised for not doing something well enough (usually it's for unintelletual things like the cleaning, but still I feel offended because I was doing my best).

Women hate that their feeling be criticised, not so much their abilities. To all men on this forum, never tell a woman that she shouldn't feel the way she does and try reasoning her. She needs to be listened and understood rather than to find a rational solution to the potential problem. That took me a long time to understand, as I wouldn't feel better by just being emotionally supported.

deborah gormley
26-11-02, 01:12
@ maciamo,, a man after my own heart!!!:bow:
so true are your words fo "never tell a woman that she should'nt feel the way she feels". emotions are the way to a womans heart (and to a mans) all individuals at some stage in our life feels neglected and unwanted,to a point of sadly to say total and utter " despreastion?" either that of a failure or of that of "in need of guidance" all females are individual and of differnt needs and capabilities (as are all men) this should be aknowledged and accepted as "the circle of life" never to be critised(spell?) or used as a weapon against a indivual, only to be used as a weak point that needs assistance and a kind heart!!!:bow:

Satori
14-11-03, 08:34
Maciamo,

In answer to your question, I would say yes. But I think it has to do with societal issues more than anything (as you also pointed out). I disagree with John Gray's premise that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I certainly agree that we are all sent to Mars and Venus around puberty when society steps in and starts telling males and females how to feel and behave. Which would be fine if we all stayed on Mars and Venus! But instead, we are all sent back to earth where neither system works!! Our society encourages men to succeed in the external world more than women are encouraged to do so (even these days), and our society encourages women to succeed on an internal level, such as being nurturing and supportive towards helping men succeed externally. Of course, women are also encouraged to succeed externally, but mainly in terms of external beauty--and that is encouraged as a way of attracting externally successful males. Legally, women are encouraged to succeed externally as much as men are, but socially I think it's still discouraged in some unspoken way. In other words, women are encouraged to be the best "servant" or the best "toy." If they choose neither and instead choose to succeed as men do, then they are basically not "accepted" by a lot of men. And I don't know of too many women who don't want to be accepted by men! Of course, our society encourages men to succeed as far as possible externally, but they are expected to do it with one hand tied behind their back, so to speak, by not being able to fully "feel" in life. Wouldn't want to operate heavy machinery--or my life---without all my senses in tact!! According to John Gray, we need to be more aware of how men and women think and feel differently. I disagree. That's like saying, "Well, this is how a slave feels, and this is how a slave-owner feels. Can't we all just get along?" If we did that, we would still have an inhumane system (slavery) in place! Instead, I think we should just chuck this patriarchal system our society has adopted and that obviously doesn't do much good for either sex! I'd rather see men and women be allowed to be all they can be--internally and externally--freely and honestly. But ... that's just my opinion, for what it's worth. :happy:

Satori
:)

neko_girl22
15-11-03, 07:43
I've heard that in Japan quiet men are generally looked up to rather than the talkative types ..... personally I *really* don't like men that talk about themselves alot , if someone is truly talented or has admirable qualities, he doesn't need to tell us. Kind of like that Chinese proverb - an empty vessel makes the most noise.
Humility is an attractive quality IMHO!

Chipi
16-11-03, 02:03
I think that women speak just as much about themselves, as men do.
I have noticed this in my relationship...we both speak about ourselves so much...maybe too much.. ;)
But I donīt think that anyone could say that one or the other gender is more selfish than the other, itīs about personality. Anyways, I think that the male gender is much more fair, relaxed and truthful.

nikki_the_insane
16-11-03, 04:36
The boy I like tends to like to hear himself talk too much. I odn't mind, I like listening to him even though most people dont. XD I do though want to get my own words in every now and then.

playaa
03-05-04, 03:38
I think it all depends on the persons personality, As I have seen the same amount of girls walk around town bragging about anything and everything about themselves. But there are certainly the same amount of men to match.

jeisan
03-05-04, 03:59
hmm i think men like telling stories and ones about injury or accomplishment are some of their favorites. i dont normally without being prompted or if its the topic of conversation and then its usually a bunch of guys telling stories anyway.

Buddha Smoker
12-06-04, 15:36
I think men like to compete with each other even if it is unconsiously (spell?). This is just my opinion but it just seems what I observe.

nekosasori
12-06-04, 15:48
@BuSmo, it's "unconsciously".
@Maciamo, I personally think it's too much of an (invalid) generalization to state:


To all men on this forum, never tell a woman that she shouldn't feel the way she does and try reasoning her. She needs to be listened and understood rather than to find a rational solution to the potential problem. That took me a long time to understand, as I wouldn't feel better by just being emotionally supported.

I think all people need to be understood and that it's unfair, unreasonable, and plain wrong to generalize about half the world population not wanting to be "reasoned with" as much as "emotionally supported". I would welcome rational argument and reason any day because that's how I process my feelings. I don't think that unconditional emotional support is useful or valid - I think it's a waste of time to just talk about feelings without getting to the core of WHY those feelings exist.

And yes, I happen to a woman. I just value logical thought (and have always been this way) over simple (and un-analysed) emotions. It's even taken me several decades to even admit to having emotions that have to be dealt with constructively.

Oh, and women I've known are much more competitive than the men I've known, personally. I just think there are too many exceptions that trying to apply gender-specific rules is meaningless. In that sense I completely agree with playaa - a person's personality matters MUCH more than what genitalia they happen to own or even which society raised him or her.

Buddha Smoker
12-06-04, 16:42
@BuSmo, it's "unconsciously".

Thanks!....sometimes I get lazy to look up words especially when I'm tired.

Lina Inverse
12-06-04, 23:27
I'd say that it's not dependant from gender, but rather from personality.

Buddha Smoker
13-06-04, 00:53
I remember this Socialogy class that I took in college and it was pretty interesting because it dealt with things like this.

I remember that we talked about this and one of the points that were made was

When Guys are playing with each other in younger years then they are usually competing with each other to be the best and prefer the mountain-like system But girls always treat each other as equals and prefer the plains-like system. Guys are always playing games like sports and toys, where there is a winner and loser but girls like to (I hate to use this but for lack of words) dress-up, cooking, tea-time, etc.

Now, this is not for everybody of course because it ultimately depends on your surroundings and enviroment but that was the explanation given. Sorry about the bad spelling..I know I mispelled a couple things there but I'm fixing a bowl of cereal for my daughter while typing. :D

Duo
13-06-04, 01:31
I think that people have the overall impression that men talk more about themselves than women do because when a man is on date with a woman, he is naturally trying to impress her with his achievments, personality, humor, little vignettes or what have you. Maybe is just that men have a higher need to impress, or I dunno, I'm just guessing here :p

Buddha Smoker
13-06-04, 01:48
I think that people have the overall impression that men talk more about themselves than women do because when a man is on date with a woman, he is naturally trying to impress her with his achievments, personality, humor, little vignettes or what have you. Maybe is just that men have a higher need to impress, or I dunno, I'm just guessing here :p

I think you are right too because we men think that we have to impress instead of repress..LOL :p and most women say they just like men to be themselves but it works both ways.

Duo
14-06-04, 01:51
I think you are right too because we men think that we have to impress instead of repress..LOL :p and most women say they just like men to be themselves but it works both ways.

Yeah, well for me personally, being myself and trying to listen to the other person works out fine.

Buddha Smoker
14-06-04, 14:24
Yeah, well for me personally, being myself and trying to listen to the other person works out fine.

I'm the same way. :wave:

RockLee
21-07-04, 23:24
I think in general it seems that men say woman talk so much about eachother, but I think MEN do talk much more about them to impress Girls, other men...it's just a man thing :bluush: Everybody just likes attention I think :p I know some guys who like to talk about themselves it's not healthy anymore...always like : yeah I did this, and I went to that...and I kissed with that many girls....*rolls eyes* personally I don't like talking about myself...just like other peoples stories more :-) But if it's something I like to spill...well then I just talk the whole time :blush: and there's no stopping me(except maybe alcohol...no wait...that makes it worse :souka: ) *you see I do sometimes keep ranting :bluush: *

Arch
21-07-04, 23:56
Same as Rock said, i dont like talking about myself. I talk about other people, umm to answer the question. All the guys who i talked to on msn from jref talk alot more about women then them selves !!

:D

TwistedMac
22-07-04, 00:41
it's all very simple really... men are from earth, women are from some other damn place!

(note: i voted "it's all about personality") :relief:

Sinspawne
22-07-04, 11:27
I tend to avoid talking all together, unless there is something that needs to be said.

blessed
31-07-04, 12:44
i think some guys really do go over the top with "i'm...." but I think women do just the same thing. But they, as a race, have a little code stating that their in-group "arrogant talk" should never be spread to the male side. :D :D :D
But if you want arrogant women, please, come to England. I don't know whether it's just me and my friends but English woman can talk about themselves until rosy fingured dawn shows up.
oh and Russian women and great when it comes to the arrogance thing too. :(

digicross
10-09-04, 20:32
Women are a way for men to let go some steam, not necessary necessary, but life would be dull for men without women. That's why hostess bars are quite a success. ;)


Men aren't really that much talktative, unless they got something in their mind that they really want to let loose. I don't think that men really talk much about themself, but maybe more about the things that involved them (their cars, their women, their jobs, their toys, and so on).


Now do men talk more about themself than women? No, but they do talk a lot about other things.

Women probably like to talk a lot about things that involved social things, including themself.



As for arrogant and selfish.

These are basic human natures that every human had, but not necessary bad things provided they are well executed.

Camui
09-01-05, 06:14
it depends on personality, but I usually tend to think its quite the opposite...women are usually more open about things and more likely to admit to things, although that's not always the case...men can also be that way, but most of the time it seems like its harder to get them to talk about themselves..

Tsuyoiko
31-10-05, 13:51
I can never quite relate to these kinds of generalisations, as I'm usually on the 'male' side of things. I am much more logical than emotional, I like non-fiction books and sci-fi films, I play video games, I like discussing intellectual stuff and I have no interest in the things women are supposed like, such as romance, soap operas, hairstyles and shopping. I like to be complimented on my knowledge, and the best way to comfort me when I'm upset is to point out that I am being illogical. I suspect that many of the girls out there are not typically girly, as internet forums are not a typically girly domain.

Miss_apollo7
31-10-05, 14:13
I have voted : "Probably not so much difference." However, I should perhaps have voted for: "depends on personality" or more: "depends on personality, but overall men are good at talking about themselves"

If I take all the people I know who has a great self-confidence and accomplishments, I must admit the males are very good at talking about themselves.
I think fewer females do this, except if they are really proud of what they do and what they have accomplished. - And we listen.

I like to talk about myself too, but compared to my boyfriend - he is much more of a talker!!!:D

E.g. when a female and a male looks at the same job ad, and there are a few points which they don't have the qualifications for, the female might think it over whether she wants to send in an application, while the male does it because he thinks: "I sure can handle this." Of course it depends on personality and self-confidence too, but I think more males are willing to take the chance and tell them how great they are and they should be offered the job.

I have interviewed people during job interviews, lately it was last week, and I must admit the guys were much more of a talker regarding talking about how gifted and a great asset they would be, while the women talked about specific things...We ended up hiring a women though, based on her personality, qualifications and her way of handling problems. :blush:

Minty
01-06-06, 00:47
I think that people have the overall impression that men talk more about themselves than women do because when a man is on date with a woman, he is naturally trying to impress her with his achievments, personality, humor, little vignettes or what have you. Maybe is just that men have a higher need to impress, or I dunno, I'm just guessing here :p

I think there is a cultural difference here. Chinese men are not very talkative, I find Chinese women talk more than Chinese men.

My husband talks a lot so much that for my mother she thinks it's unnatural she once made a comment to me in Chinese that" Why is he always talking, like a women?":D

Minty
01-06-06, 00:58
I think in general it seems that men say woman talk so much about eachother, but I think MEN do talk much more about them to impress Girls, other men...it's just a man thing :bluush: Everybody just likes attention I think :p I know some guys who like to talk about themselves it's not healthy anymore...always like : yeah I did this, and I went to that...and I kissed with that many girls....*rolls eyes* personally I don't like talking about myself...just like other peoples stories more :-) But if it's something I like to spill...well then I just talk the whole time :blush: and there's no stopping me(except maybe alcohol...no wait...that makes it worse :souka: ) *you see I do sometimes keep ranting :bluush: *

Men like to tell other men their sex experiences or how many women they had or been approached by, I know my husband's friends do that they share these kinds of things, they also share experiences of whether they had tried something and give advice among each other. My husband says all the men he knows do that.

Women do tell who we date but we don't go into details, that part is private. (At least in my culture it's like this, maybe it's different in other's culture). As for other things about myself, it depends on the situation and how long I know the person and how well I feel towards the person, I tell more to people I feel close to, usually the ones who give me a good impression. I also tell more in message boards; in real life I am very quiet, and very shy.:bluush:

Sophialiu
19-10-09, 04:39
No, it depends on other factors, such as personality--I agree with this answer.

evelyncarter
10-07-14, 11:29
I don't think that men talk more about themselves than women, if women met in a group they start praising themselves...