Sex & Gender Woman lived as a man for over a year - surprising results.

This woman spent over a year living as a man and experiencing life from the "other side" - how men treat each other, and how women treat other men. Women sometimes think that guys have it so easy whilst they have all the pressure:

Tomenable said:

This woman spent over a year living as a man and experiencing life from the "other side" - how men treat each other, and how women treat other men. Women sometimes think that guys have it so easy whilst they have all the pressure:

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I don't know what's new or surprising here.

men's friendships lack a certain intimacy

men's and women's sexuality is different

men have to risk a lot more when approaching women in courtship situations

men treat women differently than they treat other men

always having to be the strong provider is very stressful

I'd add, however, that in different cultures there is indeed more intimacy of men with men and men with women. This woman is generalizing an awful lot based on just Anglo American culture.

What's surprising is that she found it surprising that men in a group can be friendly, funny and jovial.

Interesting that so many of these men thought she was gay, or felt like they were "talking to a woman".

What I personally found surprising was that particular situation when she attempted to date straight women as Ned. She failed to attract them as Ned. But once she revealed to those very same women, that she was in fact Nora disguised as Ned, some of them showed sexual interest in her. Even though they were heterosexual. Why did they reject her when she was a man, but later were willing to date the very same person after learning that it was in fact a woman? Why did Nora's / Ned's gender make such a huge difference? That would be less surprising if they were bisexual or gay, but those were straight women.

Angela said:

What's surprising is that she found it surprising that men in a group can be friendly, funny and jovial.

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Maybe she never had that experience when she was among exclusively female company as a woman?

Can women be friendly, funny and jovial when being just with each other, while no men are around?

Tomenable: Can women be friendly, funny and jovial when being just with each other, while no men are around?

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Of course they can. Relationships and having a social life are very important to most women. They also get along much better with each other when men aren't around.

What I personally found surprising was that particular situation when she attempted to date straight women as Ned. She failed to attract them as Ned. But once she revealed to those very same women, that she was in fact Nora disguised as Ned, some of them showed sexual interest in her. Even though they were heterosexual.

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I don't totally understand that. Perhaps some of them were lesbians or bi-sexual. This isn't remotely like a scientific study. Maybe for a few he didn't fit their definition of what a "man" should be, but once they knew he was a she they could just judge him as a human being. Or, like most of the men, these women might have thought he was gay. Who wants to date a guy who's gay and not really into women at all and just pretending? I suppose being with a lesbian would be preferable if you're ok with that.

Angela said:

They also get along much better with each other when men aren't around.

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That is not exactly what I've heard about some student apartments with all-female flatmates. :grin:

In one case the main troublemaker and drama queen was forced to move out by her flatmates.

Tomenable said:

That is not exactly what I've heard about some student apartments with all-female flatmates. :grin:

In one case the main troublemaker and drama queen was forced to move out by her flatmates.

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They're all still competing for men, probably, although it's true that in general women can be "mean" to one another.

Once you're out in the real world and can make choices in terms of friends, it's much easier. Like attracts like from what I can see.

I've been in the same book club with the same twelve women (not all can make it to each monthly meeting) for twenty years. Over the years husbands have occasionally asked to join; I'm fine with it, but it's always voted down. They believe they wouldn't feel as free in discussing things. They're probably right. The meetings, especially once the "book discussion" is over, can be sad and hilarious, sometimes both at the same time, but men might not appreciate some of the stories and confidences very much. Likewise, some of the best trips of my life have been taken with a group of my women friends. The six of us go somewhere at least twice a year. No drama, just lots of chat and lots of laughs, and no needy children or husbands to take care of...

Have you ever seen the movies Steel Magnolias? You ought to watch it. It's very funny.

Angela said:

They're all still competing for men, probably, although it's true that in general women can be "mean" to one another.

Once you're out in the real world and can make choices in terms of friends, it's much easier. Like attracts like from what I can see.

I've been in the same book club with the same twelve women (not all can make it to each monthly meeting) for twenty years. Over the years husbands have occasionally asked to join; I'm fine with it, but it's always voted down. They believe they wouldn't feel as free in discussing things. They're probably right. The meetings, especially once the "book discussion" is over, can be sad and hilarious, sometimes both at the same time, but men might not appreciate some of the stories and confidences very much. Likewise, some of the best trips of my life have been taken with a group of my women friends. The six of us go somewhere at least twice a year. No drama, just lots of chat and lots of laughs, and no needy children or husbands to take care of...

Have you ever seen the movies Steel Magnolias? You ought to watch it. It's very funny.

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I forgot to provide the links. Enjoy!

See:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTVHMQb2OyU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHNBvGXLUt8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXloUAxs2wI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZx1W6cHw-g



I must say, my friendship circle doesn't include anyone quite as caustic and difficult as Weezer Boudreau! Thank-goodness.

One question, and it is a little off track and I mean no offense, but is she a "feminist" because she's a lesbian? Just curious as I grew up in a household where both my great and grandmother were feminists before the term really existed and well they didn't have to dress as a guy to get respect.


But seriously, just watching a few minutes of that video, this person is incredibly awkward. One of my friends grew up in a predominant male household, calls herself a tomboy, and well has a completely different persona. She's the sort that should be used in this sort of a "study" as she happens to be very at ease in male events. And no she's heterosexual.

So, all I got to say, is no wonder the men thought she was gay or that they were talking to a woman. If she is this glaringly awkward trying to be a "man" dating women then no wonder they weren't interested. She comes across as feminine not masculine for a guy and as Angela said how many women would seriously want to date a gay guy.

Regarding why no interest in Ned, but interest in Nora? Ned was perceived as feminine, Nora was perceived as masculine. It seems simple, even a little bit odd, but I bet that was a cause.