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thanks for your support.Mycernius said:Keep these questions coming. :wave:
Frank D. White said:My mother's favorite saying was , "What will the Neighbors think?" I don't think I ever was a real person till my mid-life crisis. It was so important to me to be liked by others, I learned to change by the minute to be the person I was with. I would attempt to become that persons perfect person to please them. If someone disliked me, I would lay awake at night wondering what I did wrong and how I could change to please them.Never being yourself and trying to please everyone is a fate worse then death; you can never be happy. Search for the inner you that makes you happy, and be that person.Society and our friends/schoolmates/coworkers can put a lot of peer presure on us to conform to their standards; it can make life unpleasant. We DO have to fit in, but we don't have to be duplicate robots. Having good balanced self-esteem will make you a happier person. Pick your friends, don't let someone MAKE YOU OVER and MOLD YOU into their perfect friend.
Frank
:blush:
wisdom and personal opinion aren't always the same thing.lexico said:You guys said all the wisdom that can be said, so what's left for me to say ?
does that mean you take criticism well?Ma Cherie said:Well, the only time I care what others think is when someone is trying to help me improve a part of myself or a part of my life. But no other than that, I generally don't care what other people think of me.
i tend to just sulk...constructive or otherwise.Ma Cherie said:Sometimes I can take constructive criticism, but it's one of those things I have to learn to deal with.
This is some negative science; just coming from my personal experience, so not a personal comment or anything.smoke said:i tend to just sulk...constructive or otherwise.
it's one of my more mature qualities!
lexico said:This is some negative science; just coming from my personal experience, so not a personal comment or anything.
One of the greatest lies that has gained certain popularity among fundamentally twisted and cynical individuals:
"I want you to succeed. So I am telling you this. You did badly here, there, and everywhere."
I noticed one of my best friends (so I thought) tell me this; but he was only a deeply disturbed and negative person. It hurt me greatly when I realized this. All the while, I was thinking this was constructive criticism. Well, that was totally bull-sht-te!
It so happens that these negative people have some deep seated insecurity that makes them go around telling trusting friends "mild criticism" for no good reason. The hell with them. That's one reason I said, "it depends on the person." I will first give them the benefit of the doubt, but if repeated, and I'm neither deluded nor stupid. I can write him/her off once I find a pattern.
So when something like that happens, don't sulk. Check him/her out; up, down, inside-&-out when you suspect a strange pattern there, my friend!
And as the saying goes; don't get mad, get even!! :evil: :evil: :evil:
I just had to say get this off my chest, for I too once sulked, or sucked!
Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity. But I live and let live. Don't you ? So my answer is no, you don't qualify. That b******* would criticize my favorite professor for being "supposedly" gay, over, and over, and over, and over. I took it with good humor at first. After a while, I found his criticism quite pointless and maddening. My professor did nothing to harm him, but it just kept coming. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Unwarranted personal remarks just kept coming. Now I didn't think it was fair, bacuse I usually put up with his quirks, but why does he have to be so superior, when all I'm trying to be is friendly ? Anyway, his probleme at the basis wasn't being negative or being insecure (aren't we all to a degree?) per se. He was acting on it. There is mile of difference.Doc said:I'm a negative person with insecurities. Does that rank me up there like your former friend? :souka:
I see you have a sibling thing going there. The younger ones usually get away with things, and code of honor says, "Leave the weak alone." So you are handicapped from the inside. Well, my two sons have it going every now and then, and guess why ? The game. The younger one often doesn't play by the rules, and the other often gets pissed. They somehow get over it after a night or two. It really amazes me sometimes. I guess it's called love ? The older one was so happy and proud when his brother was born, he would call him "My baby."Doc said:To be completely honest, I'm not very good at giving out criticism. I usually just suck it up when I have a problem with somebody. However, I will criticise people when they really get on my nerves (which is not very often). For example, my best friend and I are like brothers. Seriously, we actually consider each other brothers. I'm the big brother he never had full of friendly advice, and he's the little brother that I never got to have fun with. We have been friends for nearly eleven years now.
Anyway, a person usually notices the little imperfections of a person when they're with them for a long period of time. Usually, as a friend you put up with them, or find them amusing after awhile (kind of like a marriage if you will). Anyway, I never had any problems with his little quirks until just recently. I know it sounds dumb when I tell it, but God it drives me up the wall. I literally can't help but criticise it. The guy is literally schizo with controlling the camera in a third person action game. Seriously, he's all over the place! Plus, it takes him an hour just to find one little object or button to push!
Now why should something like this bother me? I'll tell you why: it's because when you're taking turns on a video game, and you breeze through a level just so your buddy can play, only to take him two hours to complete a level really starts to get on your nerves. Not only that, but when I leave the room, and tell him to let me know when he's done with a level he doesn't do it! No, instead he just keeps playing on to the next level. Now I should be the one to talk because I can be just as bad when playing a game (taking my time that is), but at least I make it up to him! The little bastard doesn't even do that unless I get pissed! Now I know how people with younger siblings feel. :buuh:
Doc:ramen:
I think there are many people that have insecurities, of course whther they admit to it or not is another question alltogether.lexico said:Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity.
lexico said:Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity. But I live and let live. Don't you ? So my answer is no, you don't qualify. That b******* would criticize my favorite professor for being "supposedly" gay, over, and over, and over, and over. I took it with good humor at first. After a while, I found his criticism quite pointless and maddening. My professor did nothing to harm him, but it just kept coming. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Unwarranted personal remarks just kept coming. Now I didn't think it was fair, bacuse I usually put up with his quirks, but why does he have to be so superior, when all I'm trying to be is friendly ? Anyway, his probleme at the basis wasn't being negative or being insecure (aren't we all to a degree?) per se. He was acting on it. There is mile of difference.I see you have a sibling thing going there. The younger ones usually get away with things, and code of honor says, "Leave the weak alone." So you are handicapped from the inside. Well, my two sons have it going every now and then, and guess why ? The game. The younger one often doesn't play by the rules, and the other often gets pissed. They somehow get over it after a night or two. It really amazes me sometimes. I guess it's called love ? The older one was so happy and proud when his brother was born, he would call him "My baby."
Anyway I hope you two find a peaceful solution; tell him. "Your brother is reeeeally pis**d, so better play fair, serious!" But yes, you have some wisdom there. For a normal relationship, it's eaither make or break. I feel so betrayed, that it still wouldn't have worked, but what you say is good advice for me.
i think peer pressure in schools is where the urge to be liked begins. as children we are truly individual and unique...our initial 'shaping' comes from our parents who (in theory) love us anyway, so there is no pressure to be liked.Duo said:When I was in high school I felt more the pressure to be liked,
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