Debate Q2: Do you (honestly) care what people think about you?

smoke

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"Do you (honestly) care what people think about you?"
 
Sometimes. It depends on the person. If you think someone is a jerk then I don't really care what they think, but I probably wouldn't talk to them anyway. If it someone I respect then I would try to make a good impression and would probably feel a bit down if they told me they didn't respect my opinion. I prefer open discussion so you could find common ground to talk about, a bit like this forum. There are certain areas I don't post because I haven't the knowledge or interest in that area. Others I do post in because what is being said I take a genuine interest in. Find out what other people think and respond. I wouldn't call some a jerk if there post didn't agree with my thoughts, that's impolite. I would try to find common ground.
Keep these questions coming. :wave:
 
Until I Hit 45, Yes!!

My mother's favorite saying was , "What will the Neighbors think?" I don't think I ever was a real person till my mid-life crisis. It was so important to me to be liked by others, I learned to change by the minute to be the person I was with. I would attempt to become that persons perfect person to please them. If someone disliked me, I would lay awake at night wondering what I did wrong and how I could change to please them.Never being yourself and trying to please everyone is a fate worse then death; you can never be happy. Search for the inner you that makes you happy, and be that person.Society and our friends/schoolmates/coworkers can put a lot of peer presure on us to conform to their standards; it can make life unpleasant. We DO have to fit in, but we don't have to be duplicate robots. Having good balanced self-esteem will make you a happier person. Pick your friends, don't let someone MAKE YOU OVER and MOLD YOU into their perfect friend.

Frank

:blush:
 
Mycernius said:
Keep these questions coming. :wave:
thanks for your support.

i understand what you are saying.
what about this theory.
if you were walking down the street, would you been concerned with what strangers thought of you?

my personal opinion is that we all care what others think of us. it is human nature...or rather, animal instinct but in a more dignified way (ie: i don't squirt unrine at women to try and get them in bed...unless they ask me to of course!).
i think when people say 'they don't care' it is more likely that they don't care what a certain 'group' (sorry, couldn't think of a better word) of people think of them. for example...i couldn't give a flying **** what the corporation i work for thinks of me...in a way i hope they don't like me. but i do care, for example, what people on this forum think of me...which i think is crazy, because i don't know any of you, not personally anyway.


anyway...i'm not supposed to answer my own question...that's why i failed in school!

Peace.
 
Frank D. White said:
My mother's favorite saying was , "What will the Neighbors think?" I don't think I ever was a real person till my mid-life crisis. It was so important to me to be liked by others, I learned to change by the minute to be the person I was with. I would attempt to become that persons perfect person to please them. If someone disliked me, I would lay awake at night wondering what I did wrong and how I could change to please them.Never being yourself and trying to please everyone is a fate worse then death; you can never be happy. Search for the inner you that makes you happy, and be that person.Society and our friends/schoolmates/coworkers can put a lot of peer presure on us to conform to their standards; it can make life unpleasant. We DO have to fit in, but we don't have to be duplicate robots. Having good balanced self-esteem will make you a happier person. Pick your friends, don't let someone MAKE YOU OVER and MOLD YOU into their perfect friend.

Frank

:blush:

good response...and wise words Mr White.
one of the saddest days of my life was when i realised i had become something that i hated...a 2-faced, un-opinionated bullsh!tter...for example...being nice to people i couldn't stand...i soon changed!
during you mid-life crisis, did you get a sportscar? :giggle: sorry...that and long hair seem to be a UK trademark of a mid-life crisis.
 
We all care about what people think of us, including myself. It's just a part of human nature. However, it really depends on how willing you are to let yourself get wrapped up in what others think. For me personally, I pretty much ignore what people say about me. I never try to please others, unless they're an extremely close friend. Why should I go so low to please others into thinking that they're right, and I'm wrong? I'm my own person, and quite frankly I don't have the time to busy myself with needless anxiety to keep myself up to par with other people. Why bother with the hassle? It only makes things worse when you're stressed out, and concerned about what others think about you. It's just not worth the pain.

Doc
 
You guys said all the wisdom that can be said, so what's left for me to say ?
I have two modes of thinking when it comes to other people's judgement bearing down on me.

1. When I do not know the person very well.
I tend to give almost equal value to their ideas about me.
If it is a positive thought, great. If not, it does concern me, but then I think about my action/ or my person as a whole and see if there was something I had overlooked. If it can be helped, that's good, because there was adequate reason. If not, I try to see that person's motive or mode of thought.

2. When I do know the person rather well.
I can make a more clear judgement without too much thought, but the difficulty is no less. I can give proper weight to each person's opinion depending on my relationship, and knowledge of the person.

The healthiest way of seeing how others see me is to do it on a personal basis, i.e. knowledge of each individual. Otherwise it can get me to a point where I'm too happy, or too depressed; either will be unrealistic and harmful.
 
Well, the only time I care what others think is when someone is trying to help me improve a part of myself or a part of my life. But no other than that, I generally don't care what other people think of me. :p
 
lexico said:
You guys said all the wisdom that can be said, so what's left for me to say ?
wisdom and personal opinion aren't always the same thing.
statements made in this post may be deemed logical but a person's opinion is always as welcome, if not more, as fact or logic.
good response though my friend!
 
Ma Cherie said:
Well, the only time I care what others think is when someone is trying to help me improve a part of myself or a part of my life. But no other than that, I generally don't care what other people think of me. :p
does that mean you take criticism well?
i'd love to say that i do...but i'd be lying.
 
Sometimes I can take constructive criticism, but it's one of those things I have to learn to deal with.
 
Ma Cherie said:
Sometimes I can take constructive criticism, but it's one of those things I have to learn to deal with.
i tend to just sulk...constructive or otherwise.

it's one of my more mature qualities!
 
smoke said:
i tend to just sulk...constructive or otherwise.

it's one of my more mature qualities!
This is some negative science; just coming from my personal experience, so not a personal comment or anything.

One of the greatest lies that has gained certain popularity among fundamentally twisted and cynical individuals:

"I want you to succeed. So I am telling you this. You did badly here, there, and everywhere."

I noticed one of my best friends (so I thought) tell me this; but he was only a deeply disturbed and negative person. It hurt me greatly when I realized this. All the while, I was thinking this was constructive criticism. Well, that was totally bull-sht-te!

It so happens that these negative people have some deep seated insecurity that makes them go around telling trusting friends "mild criticism" for no good reason. The hell with them. That's one reason I said, "it depends on the person." I will first give them the benefit of the doubt, but if repeated, and I'm neither deluded nor stupid. I can write him/her off once I find a pattern.

So when something like that happens, don't sulk. Check him/her out; up, down, inside-&-out when you suspect a strange pattern there, my friend!
And as the saying goes; don't get mad, get even!! :evil: :evil: :evil:
I just had to say get this off my chest, for I too once sulked, or sucked! :D
 
lexico said:
This is some negative science; just coming from my personal experience, so not a personal comment or anything.

One of the greatest lies that has gained certain popularity among fundamentally twisted and cynical individuals:

"I want you to succeed. So I am telling you this. You did badly here, there, and everywhere."

I noticed one of my best friends (so I thought) tell me this; but he was only a deeply disturbed and negative person. It hurt me greatly when I realized this. All the while, I was thinking this was constructive criticism. Well, that was totally bull-sht-te!

It so happens that these negative people have some deep seated insecurity that makes them go around telling trusting friends "mild criticism" for no good reason. The hell with them. That's one reason I said, "it depends on the person." I will first give them the benefit of the doubt, but if repeated, and I'm neither deluded nor stupid. I can write him/her off once I find a pattern.

So when something like that happens, don't sulk. Check him/her out; up, down, inside-&-out when you suspect a strange pattern there, my friend!
And as the saying goes; don't get mad, get even!! :evil: :evil: :evil:
I just had to say get this off my chest, for I too once sulked, or sucked! :D

I'm a negative person with insecurities. Does that rank me up there like your former friend? :souka: To be completely honest, I'm not very good at giving out criticism. I usually just suck it up when I have a problem with somebody. However, I will criticise people when they really get on my nerves (which is not very often). For example, my best friend and I are like brothers. Seriously, we actually consider each other brothers. I'm the big brother he never had full of friendly advice, and he's the little brother that I never got to have fun with. We have been friends for nearly eleven years now.

Anyway, a person usually notices the little imperfections of a person when they're with them for a long period of time. Usually, as a friend you put up with them, or find them amusing after awhile (kind of like a marriage if you will:p). Anyway, I never had any problems with his little quirks until just recently. I know it sounds dumb when I tell it, but God it drives me up the wall. I literally can't help but criticise it. The guy is literally schizo with controlling the camera in a third person action game. Seriously, he's all over the place! Plus, it takes him an hour just to find one little object or button to push!

Now why should something like this bother me? I'll tell you why: it's because when you're taking turns on a video game, and you breeze through a level just so your buddy can play, only to take him two hours to complete a level really starts to get on your nerves. Not only that, but when I leave the room, and tell him to let me know when he's done with a level he doesn't do it! No, instead he just keeps playing on to the next level. Now I should be the one to talk because I can be just as bad when playing a game (taking my time that is), but at least I make it up to him! The little bastard doesn't even do that unless I get pissed! Now I know how people with younger siblings feel. :buuh:

Doc:ramen:
 
Doc said:
I'm a negative person with insecurities. Does that rank me up there like your former friend? :souka:
Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity. But I live and let live. Don't you ? So my answer is no, you don't qualify. :p That b******* would criticize my favorite professor for being "supposedly" gay, over, and over, and over, and over. I took it with good humor at first. After a while, I found his criticism quite pointless and maddening. My professor did nothing to harm him, but it just kept coming. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Unwarranted personal remarks just kept coming. Now I didn't think it was fair, bacuse I usually put up with his quirks, but why does he have to be so superior, when all I'm trying to be is friendly ? Anyway, his probleme at the basis wasn't being negative or being insecure (aren't we all to a degree?) per se. He was acting on it. There is mile of difference.
Doc said:
To be completely honest, I'm not very good at giving out criticism. I usually just suck it up when I have a problem with somebody. However, I will criticise people when they really get on my nerves (which is not very often). For example, my best friend and I are like brothers. Seriously, we actually consider each other brothers. I'm the big brother he never had full of friendly advice, and he's the little brother that I never got to have fun with. We have been friends for nearly eleven years now.

Anyway, a person usually notices the little imperfections of a person when they're with them for a long period of time. Usually, as a friend you put up with them, or find them amusing after awhile (kind of like a marriage if you will:p). Anyway, I never had any problems with his little quirks until just recently. I know it sounds dumb when I tell it, but God it drives me up the wall. I literally can't help but criticise it. The guy is literally schizo with controlling the camera in a third person action game. Seriously, he's all over the place! Plus, it takes him an hour just to find one little object or button to push!

Now why should something like this bother me? I'll tell you why: it's because when you're taking turns on a video game, and you breeze through a level just so your buddy can play, only to take him two hours to complete a level really starts to get on your nerves. Not only that, but when I leave the room, and tell him to let me know when he's done with a level he doesn't do it! No, instead he just keeps playing on to the next level. Now I should be the one to talk because I can be just as bad when playing a game (taking my time that is), but at least I make it up to him! The little bastard doesn't even do that unless I get pissed! Now I know how people with younger siblings feel. :buuh:

Doc:ramen:
I see you have a sibling thing going there. The younger ones usually get away with things, and code of honor says, "Leave the weak alone." So you are handicapped from the inside. Well, my two sons have it going every now and then, and guess why ? The game. The younger one often doesn't play by the rules, and the other often gets pissed. They somehow get over it after a night or two. It really amazes me sometimes. I guess it's called love ? The older one was so happy and proud when his brother was born, he would call him "My baby."

Anyway I hope you two find a peaceful solution; tell him. "Your brother is reeeeally pis**d, so better play fair, serious!" But yes, you have some wisdom there. For a normal relationship, it's eaither make or break. I feel so betrayed, that it still wouldn't have worked, but what you say is good advice for me. ;)
 
lexico said:
Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity.
I think there are many people that have insecurities, of course whther they admit to it or not is another question alltogether.
And as for negativity. I believe (in a lot of cases) being negative is, in a way, being realistic...unfortunately.

There are two reasons why i look at certain things in a negative way.

1. If you look at things negatively and things do turn out negative, it doesn't hurt as much.
2. If you look at things negatively and things turn out positive, it comes as a pleasant surprise. (A positive outlook on negativity...a definition of irony if ever i saw one.)

This is my opinion anyway.
 
lexico said:
Well, let me think about it. I'm negative (often), and I too have insecurity. But I live and let live. Don't you ? So my answer is no, you don't qualify. :p That b******* would criticize my favorite professor for being "supposedly" gay, over, and over, and over, and over. I took it with good humor at first. After a while, I found his criticism quite pointless and maddening. My professor did nothing to harm him, but it just kept coming. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Unwarranted personal remarks just kept coming. Now I didn't think it was fair, bacuse I usually put up with his quirks, but why does he have to be so superior, when all I'm trying to be is friendly ? Anyway, his probleme at the basis wasn't being negative or being insecure (aren't we all to a degree?) per se. He was acting on it. There is mile of difference.I see you have a sibling thing going there. The younger ones usually get away with things, and code of honor says, "Leave the weak alone." So you are handicapped from the inside. Well, my two sons have it going every now and then, and guess why ? The game. The younger one often doesn't play by the rules, and the other often gets pissed. They somehow get over it after a night or two. It really amazes me sometimes. I guess it's called love ? The older one was so happy and proud when his brother was born, he would call him "My baby."

Anyway I hope you two find a peaceful solution; tell him. "Your brother is reeeeally pis**d, so better play fair, serious!" But yes, you have some wisdom there. For a normal relationship, it's eaither make or break. I feel so betrayed, that it still wouldn't have worked, but what you say is good advice for me. ;)

Sorry to hear that about your friend. To be honest, I know somebody who would do that too. Of course I dumped his butt after he betrayed me, but that's a long story and I don't feel like getting into it. Anyway, about my friend, I guess you could say it's a brotherly relationship. As for my complaint about him, it's mostly with the camera control issue that he has. Think of the game Pong for a minute. Visualize the ball bouncing back and forth. Now speed that up by 400%, and you have my friend with his camera work on a game. He constantly complains about getting killed, and the only advice I have to give him is to stop abusing the damn camera and properly use it, instead of someone playing the game with a seizer. Ay, yi, ya!:mad:

Doc:ramen:
 
I agree with Doc, we all care what other people think of us, friends or not, a bit more or a bit less, it is human nature. When I was in high school I felt more the pressure to be liked, and truthfully I never had any problems making friends or being popular w ith friends, but now I have changed and instead of having a bigger pool of aquintances, i have now just a few but close friends. But, as Carlos Castaneda says in the Teachings of Don Juan, if we really want to be free of judgment we shouldn't have any friends ;)
 
I'd agree with Frank in that you have to find yourself and then be yourself, rather than being a chameleon. It goes hand in hand with choosing your friends too, though I might add that one can have "good" friends as well as "bad friends", as well as you don't allow the bad ones to influence you overly (definitions of good and bad are of course entirely subjective).

In the case of "non-friends", in other words in the realm of business , I am definitely aware of what image I project to people. In these situations, where there is rarely time to cultivate a deep understanding a la friendship, you can definitely enhance the nature of the interaction and what it helps you achieve by being aware of the other person's perception of you and how their behaviour is affected as a response. When there is no chance to develop the relationship beyond a certain level, I think you need to be careful of what image you project because there is always scope for misunderstanding which can ruin things, and so you have to keep your finger on the pulse so to speak.
 
Duo said:
When I was in high school I felt more the pressure to be liked,
i think peer pressure in schools is where the urge to be liked begins. as children we are truly individual and unique...our initial 'shaping' comes from our parents who (in theory) love us anyway, so there is no pressure to be liked.
our first social interaction (in most cases) is school, and it is human nature in this situation to be liked...i would find it strange if a child wished to be disliked by others. by secondry/high school we begin to find ourselves and define ourselves and the easiest place to look is our peers (closely followed by people we admire).
i remember trying to 'fit in' by, in affect, becoming a carbon copy of everybody else...of course, in later years of school i changed as i begun to find myself (not in that way :relief: ) and by changing to avoid conformity, i found i was conforming in a different way.
i looked back on a period on my life where i believed i wasn't conforming and i realised that all i was doing was not conforming to a certain way of life or a certain set of beliefs...but i was conforming to a different way of life and a different set of beliefs.
by avoid one thing, i was doing another.
and that's why i believe that the title 'non-conformist' is used far too loosely. i believe we all conform in a way! in theory...by simply wearing clothes we are conforming.

sorry that this got a little off topic. but i think conformity and wanting to be liked sort of go hand in hand.
 

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