The complexities of bullying
- Thread starter Ma Cherie
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I myself have been both.
I was bullied and i myself bullied.
I imagine i bullied not nessesarily out of fun but more because i did not want to be the victim myself. By me taking up the role of bullying it in turn stopped people from bullying me. However i never let it get to out of hand, if i saw serious problems ariseing i would usually find a way out and to make the bullying stop but at the same time i could not let myself fall victim because of this.
I was quite a selfish person when i was younger, making someone else unhappy so that i did not have to be. But its because of these actions i took back then that i am able to look at myself now, realise how much i have grown up in my thinking and i am now quite the opposite person. Though i still regret past behavior and i would probally change it if i had the opportunity.
I was bullied and i myself bullied.
I imagine i bullied not nessesarily out of fun but more because i did not want to be the victim myself. By me taking up the role of bullying it in turn stopped people from bullying me. However i never let it get to out of hand, if i saw serious problems ariseing i would usually find a way out and to make the bullying stop but at the same time i could not let myself fall victim because of this.
I was quite a selfish person when i was younger, making someone else unhappy so that i did not have to be. But its because of these actions i took back then that i am able to look at myself now, realise how much i have grown up in my thinking and i am now quite the opposite person. Though i still regret past behavior and i would probally change it if i had the opportunity.
Ma Cherie
Your Goddess is here
Oh Tim, that was so heartfelt. 
I understand your position on not wanting to be a victim of bullying. My so-called friends made fun of me when others were around. But what hurt me most is when it was just me and them, they acted as if they've done nothing wrong. Whenever I saw someone being bullied, I didn't do anything. I was just satisfied that for once, I wasn't the victim. I completely understand your regret.
I understand your position on not wanting to be a victim of bullying. My so-called friends made fun of me when others were around. But what hurt me most is when it was just me and them, they acted as if they've done nothing wrong. Whenever I saw someone being bullied, I didn't do anything. I was just satisfied that for once, I wasn't the victim. I completely understand your regret.InnerVision
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I really Loved the Way ;Doc & Ma Cheire exprssed their Feelings. Bully for You !!!
'think I was quite fortunate of being a prefect throughout my School life.
For bullying i must state that 'Resistance is all loving ,if You just stick to the task set by your ownself'.
Just keep on Walking.
'think I was quite fortunate of being a prefect throughout my School life.
For bullying i must state that 'Resistance is all loving ,if You just stick to the task set by your ownself'.
InnerVision
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Thor said:
Start listening to 'Mushroomhead' ,Ill Nino,Burzum & System of a Down.
'Guess all the 'Metallers' were once bullied (esp. burzum ..) as was the case with bill mentioned by ironman. Now for the underlined words ...
'Dead serious about it ...
Apri1
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Oh I think it's so much more serious than people ever realize. They think little kids are so innocent ...oh boy no. Every school shooting I've ever heard of was a result of bullying and the kid just couldnt take it anymore so he shot the mean people. Of course everybody blamed guns .. as if a gun can control your mind and make you wanna kill everybody .. rather than blaming the kids who made the killers this way.
What's sad though is that bullies are SO stupid. They make up rumars then after a while they actually truely belive them. How? You just made it up. How can you belive it? Good lord.
a conversation i had with somebdoy once:
guy: remember when you said this.........?
me: actually i never said that
guy: yes you did! i remember
me: dude you made it up yourself, remember?
guy: no you said it!
and they get dumber. i remember a guy yelling at a girl saying "yeah i'd have sex with THAT" sarcastically. honestly why would she care if some random guy didnt want to have sex with her? i'm sure her life will somehow manage to go on.
i was always more annoyed at how dumb they are. although growing up i lived in a horrid neighborhood and had to run for my life a lot. my brother was held over a cliff before by his legs. i was chased down the stairs before by somebody with a can of hairspray on fire .. flames everywhere.
and i agree its hard to trust people. anytime somebody is moody they tell your secrets? why why? i've never told secrets even of people i dont like. its a secret. thats the point. oh well
its just creepy that it seems 90% of everybody is a bully. you'd think ther'ed be one or two in class. no. its pretty much everybody.
What's sad though is that bullies are SO stupid. They make up rumars then after a while they actually truely belive them. How? You just made it up. How can you belive it? Good lord.
a conversation i had with somebdoy once:
guy: remember when you said this.........?
me: actually i never said that
guy: yes you did! i remember
me: dude you made it up yourself, remember?
guy: no you said it!
and they get dumber. i remember a guy yelling at a girl saying "yeah i'd have sex with THAT" sarcastically. honestly why would she care if some random guy didnt want to have sex with her? i'm sure her life will somehow manage to go on.
i was always more annoyed at how dumb they are. although growing up i lived in a horrid neighborhood and had to run for my life a lot. my brother was held over a cliff before by his legs. i was chased down the stairs before by somebody with a can of hairspray on fire .. flames everywhere.
and i agree its hard to trust people. anytime somebody is moody they tell your secrets? why why? i've never told secrets even of people i dont like. its a secret. thats the point. oh well
its just creepy that it seems 90% of everybody is a bully. you'd think ther'ed be one or two in class. no. its pretty much everybody.
Well if your gonna tell people secrets when your of school age you have to expect everyone to know about it the next day. If you ask me thats your own fault.
Thats generally the same as you get a bit older though only people dont talk about it or take the piss they just leave it be.
90% of people probally are bullies yes though i think it will only get worse. Communites and respect for other people is generally getting less and less meaning that bullying will most likely rise.
The only way to really stop it is to increase community feeling or inpose laws. But of course that woudl not be possible.
Thats generally the same as you get a bit older though only people dont talk about it or take the piss they just leave it be.
90% of people probally are bullies yes though i think it will only get worse. Communites and respect for other people is generally getting less and less meaning that bullying will most likely rise.
The only way to really stop it is to increase community feeling or inpose laws. But of course that woudl not be possible.
Duo
Southern Sun
yesterday i saw the craziest thing, in the UK kids are being bullied by SMS messages like i'll kill you and stuff like that, and the tv showed sm kid holding the fone and crying and stuff, i think it was like 1/5 kids, I just laughed, i mean bullying by sms, that's a bit 2 far
Im sure legal action could be taken on sms bullying. That would become harrasment etc surely. Also you would have the proof of the message itself.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4614515.stm
The mobile bullying link if anyone is interested.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4614515.stm
The mobile bullying link if anyone is interested.
Yeah, I read that story too.
Maybe it sounds kinda stupid, but... if I was getting bullied really bad at school, I think it would be a good idea to take some sort of self-defence classes. I mean, learn how to fight properly. I know it doesn't solve problems and all that, but if you have some ability, you are likely to have more confidence, and confidence shows whether you realise it or not. Plus, that sort of thing stands you in good stead for the rest of your life, when you're an adult, too.
Perhaps that sounds shallow, and I'm certainly not meaning to say that some puny kid is going to turn into a superhero overnight and be able to fight off ten huge guys (or girls) with their bare hands. But becoming the victim can be a psychological thing, too - I'm not saying it is to begin with, but it becomes that way. And confidence can go some way towards helping that.
I used to fight even if I would lose. And bullies didn't bother me much after I got over the age of 11-12. Sure, people would still *say* things, but I found that relatively easy to cope with (yeah, I know not everyone does, but rather that than getting physically beaten up perhaps even ending in death if something goes horribly wrong). I mean, there is only any point in fearing physical danger/pain, because mental stuff is at least partly under your control. You can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it.
Maybe it sounds kinda stupid, but... if I was getting bullied really bad at school, I think it would be a good idea to take some sort of self-defence classes. I mean, learn how to fight properly. I know it doesn't solve problems and all that, but if you have some ability, you are likely to have more confidence, and confidence shows whether you realise it or not. Plus, that sort of thing stands you in good stead for the rest of your life, when you're an adult, too.
Perhaps that sounds shallow, and I'm certainly not meaning to say that some puny kid is going to turn into a superhero overnight and be able to fight off ten huge guys (or girls) with their bare hands. But becoming the victim can be a psychological thing, too - I'm not saying it is to begin with, but it becomes that way. And confidence can go some way towards helping that.
I used to fight even if I would lose. And bullies didn't bother me much after I got over the age of 11-12. Sure, people would still *say* things, but I found that relatively easy to cope with (yeah, I know not everyone does, but rather that than getting physically beaten up perhaps even ending in death if something goes horribly wrong). I mean, there is only any point in fearing physical danger/pain, because mental stuff is at least partly under your control. You can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it.
Ma Cherie
Your Goddess is here
Duo said:yesterday i saw the craziest thing, in the UK kids are being bullied by SMS messages like i'll kill you and stuff like that, and the tv showed sm kid holding the fone and crying and stuff, i think it was like 1/5 kids, I just laughed, i mean bullying by sms, that's a bit 2 far
Goodness, that is far. Saying "I'll kill you" is an outright threat.
Revenant
No Longer a Member
I've never been seriously bullied. I was the only kid to ever stand up to a group of four guys a couple grades ahead of me. They both took the liberty of showing me how much more powerful they were (putting me into cold puddles of melted snow, or slamming me hard against walls), and respecting me for always standing up to them. I would push them if they started picking on one of my classmates, so I sort of did invite all the abuse I got.
Never been a bully though. I've always thought that there are some "popular" people who are good at being bullies. They always seem to know how to condescend people in front of the condesceded while being charming about it.
Not really much can be done about that though.
I am a little worried about my son as he gets older though. While he is pretty much normal in every aspect, having a very foreign name, and not being full Japanese may subject him to bullying, or "ijime" in Japanese.
Something quite different in Japan, is that bullies may bully in groups of three or four in Canada. But as I've read, if the leader of a group decide someone is worthy of ridicule, the Japanese idea of conformity plays out, and the rest of the classmates also join in bullying the one.
Also, in Canada, the victim often seems to retaliate, while the victims here just seem to take it in quiet suffering.
Things are changing here, and conformity isn't as strong as it once was. Still, it may not have changed enough that kids don't gang up as a group against one.
Never been a bully though. I've always thought that there are some "popular" people who are good at being bullies. They always seem to know how to condescend people in front of the condesceded while being charming about it.
Not really much can be done about that though.
I am a little worried about my son as he gets older though. While he is pretty much normal in every aspect, having a very foreign name, and not being full Japanese may subject him to bullying, or "ijime" in Japanese.
Something quite different in Japan, is that bullies may bully in groups of three or four in Canada. But as I've read, if the leader of a group decide someone is worthy of ridicule, the Japanese idea of conformity plays out, and the rest of the classmates also join in bullying the one.
Also, in Canada, the victim often seems to retaliate, while the victims here just seem to take it in quiet suffering.
Things are changing here, and conformity isn't as strong as it once was. Still, it may not have changed enough that kids don't gang up as a group against one.
Tsuyoiko
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I think all this talk that bullies are victims, or weak, or have problems themselves belittles just how bad it is to be bullied. Most bullies I have come across are mean, spoiled, ignorant brats with no more problems than anyone else. Often it is the bullied who have the real problems, aside from the bullying. My young friend gets bullied because she is not a slapper like most of the girls. And bullying doesn't stop when you grow up either. I used to work in a school, and the number of teachers that were bullies was scary.
I was bullied at school. It felt bad at the time, but it was nothing compared to these stories.
I was bullied at school. It felt bad at the time, but it was nothing compared to these stories.
Ma Cherie
Your Goddess is here
Ijime in Japan
I came across an article about the issue of bullying in Japanese schools and the reasons as to why bullying occurrs.
http://www.lclark.edu/~krauss/advwrf99/causeeffect/akikocause.html
I came across an article about the issue of bullying in Japanese schools and the reasons as to why bullying occurrs.
http://www.lclark.edu/~krauss/advwrf99/causeeffect/akikocause.html
Mycernius
The Hairy Wookie
I've been looking at this thread, wondering whether to post or not, so I finally decide to post.
Bullying seem to be natures way of seperating animals or people into their social positions in a group. Bullying can be seen in other social animals such as primates and lion prides. the victim is usually the weaker ones in the group and are usually picked on until they leave or die. At that level it seems to be natures way of ridding the weak from the strong, thus ensuring that the bloodline stays strong. In humans it has gone beyond simple weak vs strong. We have an ability to think beyond nature, but some people still seem to cling onto the irrational, primitive side of our nature.
I was bullied at school, mainly at middle school. I was skinny, wore glasses and had ginger hair (any jokes about that and I'll hunt you down ) There was one lad, in particular, who tried to make my life a living hell and I will never forgive him for what he did to me. Then one day I was walking home and I met one of the gang by himself. We started talking and it turned out that he was concerned that if he didn't do as the gang did then he would become the victim. It struck me then that a bullies only weapon is fear. They still let the primitve side of the intelligence rule them.
Bullying seem to be natures way of seperating animals or people into their social positions in a group. Bullying can be seen in other social animals such as primates and lion prides. the victim is usually the weaker ones in the group and are usually picked on until they leave or die. At that level it seems to be natures way of ridding the weak from the strong, thus ensuring that the bloodline stays strong. In humans it has gone beyond simple weak vs strong. We have an ability to think beyond nature, but some people still seem to cling onto the irrational, primitive side of our nature.
I was bullied at school, mainly at middle school. I was skinny, wore glasses and had ginger hair (any jokes about that and I'll hunt you down
) There was one lad, in particular, who tried to make my life a living hell and I will never forgive him for what he did to me. Then one day I was walking home and I met one of the gang by himself. We started talking and it turned out that he was concerned that if he didn't do as the gang did then he would become the victim. It struck me then that a bullies only weapon is fear. They still let the primitve side of the intelligence rule them.Ma Cherie
Your Goddess is here
You're right about that, Mycernius. Bullies always use fear because I guess it's a way to control the victim. This is probably why victims don't always report being bullied. From what I noticed, it seems middle school is the worst time be bullied. What I don't understand is the thinking that bullying is apart of growing up. Now, in my parents and grandparents time, of course there was bullying, but now being a victim of bullying has it's extreme consequences (hence the school shootings and the rise of teens commiting suicide as a result of being bullied). They simply can't take it anymore. There has been a study that kids who were bullies commit some sort of crime in their adult lives. Victims of bullying have low self-esteem, they're depressed, and experience loneliness.
Doc
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Ma Cherie said:
Check, check, and check. You know being tortured for 13 years can leave a definite impact on a person's life and personality. No wonder I'm so f***ed up.
Doc
Doc - obviously, I don't know how f***ed up you are... but, one thing, if you are, at least you are somehow aware of it. It's the people who are f***ed up and think they are totally ok who really scare me. :souka:
If it's any consolation, only going by what posts I read from you on this forum, seems that you are f***ed up and nice, rather than f***ed up and a bastard to boot... :relief:
If it's any consolation, only going by what posts I read from you on this forum, seems that you are f***ed up and nice, rather than f***ed up and a bastard to boot... :relief:
Tsuyoiko
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Mycernius said:
I think this is an excellent point Mycernius. Most times it is the 'intellectual' kids who get bullied - and it is our intellect that sets us apart from other animals, isn't it? Otherwise, it is the kids who have some 'weakness' such as being skinny, overweight or shortsighted - so your 'survival of the fittest theory' works there too.
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