The complexities of bullying

[Ma Cherie]

Has anyone of you ever been bullied while you're in school? Were you a bully? Well, I've been reading about bullying and in the recent years and you all know that this is nothing new. Several decades ago perhaps, bullying was considered normal and apart of growing up. But what are the reasons why you believe bullying occurs, and what can be done to stop it. It seems there's been debates on weather bullies should be identified as victims. Perhaps they should be considered victims depending on the situation.

[Kara_Nari]

I have never really seen terrible bullying aside from kids stealing lunch money, or threatening each other. However I did hear of this terrible story which happened to a girl about 10 years or more ago.
There was a 'popular' girls birthday, and this 'unpopular' girl turned up and she had told her mother that she was going to be dropped off later by the birthday girls mother. Well when the girl turned up she was yelled at, because she hadn't actually been invited, so the kids all decided to play 'Hide and seek' and somehow coerced this girl into a lockable closet... where she stayed for NINE hours while the birthday troup went out and enjoyed the party elsewhere. It wasnt until the worried mother (10pm) rang to ask why her daughter hadnt been dropped of that the birthday girls mother even knew that she had come. As it was, all of the children had forgotten about this poor girl, who had been locked inside the closet for the majority of the day. So this girl has had really serious social issues, and depression since then. Thats kind of the worst thing that I have heard of in any area that I have lived in.

[Sensuikan San]

I was educated in the traditional English "Grammar/Public (U.S. = Private) School" system - and bullying was simply a part of life - back in the 1950's.

But compared to today, most of it was pretty harmless and innocuous.

But out here in BC today (as my West Coast colleagues on this forum can attest ...) it has grown to be a horrendous problem, resulting in murder on at least one occasion, and causing several suicides. Quite alarming !

"Bullies" are obviously victims inasmuch as they are (and always have been) kids with problems - but before we start gazing at our navels and wondering how to treat them, let's just do the old-fashioned thing first...

...root 'em out, remove them from society as quickly as possible .... and then address their problems before they do more damage to others.

Concerned regards,

�W����

[HomicidalMouse]

I found at my school it wouldnt be just one person bullying someone but most of the class. On more than one occasion i was outcast for being nice to the kid that got bullied. It was a kind of a hobby. Id step in the firing line because i felt i had to and 15 vs.1 was a little unfair.

[alexriversan]

1. the victim gets bullied
2. complains, and is declared guilty: "he started the riot"->RIOT WITH ABNORMAL BEHAVIOUR.
3. then, years later, the bullyiers, including their girlfriends, are getting GOOD AND WHITEWASHED, because they are adult now. ready to educate children.
4. "when i was younger, this was so harmless. we only made little jokes"->JUSTIFICATION.
5. the victim ends up in an institution, at least earns 30 percent less, by average. usually, the threats are rated as not true, hallucinated.

[butterfly wings]

ya there was this kid in my shool who was anorexic and teh whole class bullied him and drove him to Suicide but luckly his parents found him in time an he got some councilling and shipped back 2 school were the bullys told every1 wat hapned and forced him 2 leave an be homeschooled!! it was so sad cause he was really nice! i was bullied also and am homeschooled aswell so i know what it feels like wen the whole class gangs up on u 4 no reason!! they bullied me my whole life!! so if any1 shuld know wat it feels like its me! comfort me people..lol!

[Dutch Baka]

bullying can be really good, it makes children a bit harder, for life! but if bullying gets to much!!! it can be really dangerous!!!!!!

there is a differnce of being bullied and teased , you can be teased because your hair look bad... but being bullied because you have glasses and are ugly/fat thats a big problem

please let me think about this more, i will come back on it!!!

please look athttp://www.bullying.co.uk/ about bullying!!!!

As im a Fan of OPrah ( that woman is Great... no im not gay, my mom is though) she have a lot of topics about being bullied, lookhere to watch a small movie about it!!!

[Doc]

Bullying will always be a part of humanity. It�fs something that humans have been doing since probably the beginning of time. What is bullying you might ask? By definition bullying is the method of belittling others down to your level to show that you are more powerful than the person that you are bullying. Why do people bully? There are a number of factors that could be argued, but I think the most logical one is that the ones who are bullies are deep down weaker than the person that is being bullied. Bullies are weak people, and have any number of problems that cause them to be weak. Whether it is poor mental performance, physical performance, problems and expectations of their parents and peers, etc bullies can come in all shapes and sizes. However, in the end they are nothing more than weak, pathetic people who seek terrorizing other people to rise up above others and feel important and powerful.

Was I bullied as a kid? More than you�fll ever know. I�fm your classic textbook example of a person bullied all the way till the end of high school. Every day was a living hell for me. There wasn�ft a day that went by that didn�ft make me want to put my Father�fs .38 revolver underneath my chin and pull the trigger. Not a day went by did I not think about purposely hanging myself or any other method of suicide. Not a day went by did I think about how much people wouldn�ft miss me. Not a day went by did I not think about exacting revenge upon those who made my life miserable. Anyway you saw it, every day will literally Hell on Earth for me.

I guess you could say it started back when I was in kindergarten. I was only five years old at the time. I was harassed everyday by my peers because I looked different than everybody else. You see I suffer from what the medical profession calls Goldenhar�fs Syndrome. When I was born I did not have a right ear. I have no ear canal, ear lobe, anything. The three small bones that make up your ear drum is all one solid bone. All I had to show that there was something there was the lower half of the ear lobe. I am forever legally def in my right side. My parents refused to let me have the reconstructive surgery at that age because they didn�ft want me to suffer physically. Too bad I ended up suffering emotionally instead.

It started off with other boys teasing me. Girls usually at that age are either too shy or too curious to really mock anybody that has a disability like that. My parents told me that everything will be okay, and that the students would quiet someday because they�fll all know I�fm a good kid. Unfortunately it didn�ft stop. Even at the age of five, rage was already starting to build within me. I got into fights all the time with bullies, and always lost. I even got paddled one time for racking up five fights in a row. It didn�ft get any better when I got into elementary school either. I was mocked everyday for my disability, and now I was mocked by the girls too. Still I got into fights, and still got into trouble.

When I reached middle school, things started going from bad to worse for me. I ate food everyday to comfort my nerves. Hell my parents let me. They still thought everything would get better. Instead they only got worse as time went on. I started gaining massive weight due to depression from the bullies. Not only that, but I was now mocked for my weight and my disability. The girls also started to get ruthless towards me.

[Doc]

I remember vividly one day a girl told me that I would be a virgin for the rest of my life. While I figured she had no idea what a virgin was (neither did I for that matter), the more I look back at the memory the more ironic it seems. Sometimes I think that should have been a queue for Bill Enigval to come up to me and say �gHere�fs your sign!�h

After one major fight with a bully in the fourth grade I decided to give up on fighting back, and instead turned to depression. It didn�ft get any better when I got to junior high either. The bullies had finally won, and every day I was harassed more than the day before. I was shoved into lockers, beaten up, mocked, put on public display for embarrassment, violated, humiliated, etc. My personality also began to change. I became suicidal, violent with rage, angry at my friends, and I even chased off those who cared about me. You know there were some girls who wanted to be my friend, but I drove them all away so I wouldn�ft be backstabbed. In my mind I figured nobody would miss me when I�fm dead anyway so why start having friends now?

I hated everybody in my school (I still do), I gained more and more weight, and the bullying just got worse. By the time high school rolled around I was already getting ready to attempt suicide. The weight had gone out of control, the teasing got worse, and my parents still thought that everything would work out in the end. Hell they thought I�fd have a girlfriend by then. Why would I want a girlfriend when the moral majority of the female population in the class mocked me for my looks? By this time everybody knew what a virgin was, and let�fs just say the jokes of me being doomed got out of control. I had no friends, nobody to turn to, and I only trusted myself. The only option for me was suicide.

Then one day I went to the doctor for a check up. He pulled me into a room, and sat down across from me on a stool. He looked at me, and finally told me I was going to die. Yes I was going to die. Within three years to be exact. With my glucose levels dangerously high, my cholesterol dangerously high, my weight dangerously high, and my depression reaching the depths to the point were even drugs would have a hard time controlling it, would eventually die from a massive heart attack before I would be nineteen. It was then that I realized that my wish was coming true, I was finally killing myself. The only thing was I was committing suicide in a very slow and painful way. It was then that I took a step back and evaluated my self worth. It was then that I realized that I had something to go on.

I was an intelligent person, I had talent that no other kid had at my school, I had a will stronger than others, and I realized I wanted to live more than anything. I also realized something else. All this time I thought I was the weak one, the inferior person in the gene pool, but I was wrong I was so very wrong. It was them, the bullies that were the inferior ones. I realized then that they bullied me only because of their own shortcomings; shortcomings that easily outweighed my own. I realized that the bullies that teased me: the jocks, the preps, the nerds, the stoners, etc were all worthless people in their opinions of me. They didn�ft know who I was, hell they couldn�ft understand me if they tried. It was because they were all ignorant. They teased me because they were all inadequate in one way or another. Even the kids who had it good that teased me only did it so they could fit in, to feel apart of the group.

[Doc]

I realized then that bullies end up doing nothing with their lives. They only end up wasting it in the end. Their power trip throughout the school years eventually fizzles out when they end up entering the real world. All that time they thought they were high up than everybody else, but end up being an absolute nothing in the end. They were nothing more than immature idiots who were afraid of their own inadequacies, who decided to mock me just because I was different physically then the rest of them. How low can you really go? Then again, when you�fre that desperate for positive attention from your parents and peers, you�fll do anything to get it.

You know what�fs sad? The parents of some of those bullies actually thought it was funny when I got made fun of. I realized then that they too were bullies once in their lives, and let it pass on to their kids due to their own insecurities. It really is a shame if you think about it. You know one could even feel sorry for the bullies, but then again you can�ft because they were the ones who chose that path to begin with. Rather than making something of themselves they choose the cheap way out instead. I have no pity for those who do something like that.

You�fre probably wondering what happened to me right? Well I lost the weight, had reconstructive surgery done, got a 4.0 for my GPA and graduated high school as part of the top 10% of my class, I�fve gotten free money for college and I have been excelling in college with already 75 credit hours complete in little over a year and a half, and helped heal myself rather than going to see a therapist through the whole ordeal. I still don�ft trust people, I still only trust myself, I�fm also careful about who I�fm around, and I�fve also sworn off from having any intimate/passionate relationships with women. I�fm also pessimistic, cynical, and militant at times with my ideals and beliefs because of what the others had done to me. While that�fs still a downer compared to what else I�fve done, I would like to add that I�fve raised myself above the bar compared to everybody else from my school, especially the bullies. Already the ones who harassed me have become drug addicts, criminals, knocked up their girlfriends, or are stuck working at a factory for the rest of their lives. As for me I�fm already on my way for a career in the video game industry. I�fll never forget where I came from, and I�fll never drag myself to the level that the bullies were at. It�fs just too cheap and too unfair for those who have the same or similar problems as me: being different.

Bullies are nothing more than inadequate people using cheap methods to rise above everybody else. In some instances they could use the sympathy, but in other instances they don�ft. To me, I hold no remorse for those who torture others just to make themselves feel better. To me, they deserve what has happened to them in the end. If they don�ft like how their lives have turned out, they should have thought about that to begin with. You know bullies don�ft have to be bullies. They can make something of themselves. I guess there are not that very many people who have the will or the drive to go that far. So here you have my thoughts on bullying. Please accept my apologies for this post to be this long and my apologies if I struck a cord with anybody, but I felt that I should share my opinion on bullies. You know what is mentioned here in this post about what bullies did to me is just the tip of the iceberg? Trust me the story is a lot longer than you think. However, I think what I have posted is enough for you guys to get the idea.

[Doc]

I�fve never told this much about myself before, but then again when I feel strongly about a certain issue I can sometimes really express my views on the subject. Well I hope I didn�ft bore you guys to death with all of this useless rambling. Maybe when I have some more time I�fll go into more detail about some of the instances of what some of the horrors I had to endure during my school years from bullies. However, you�fll have to bring me a liter bottle of water and a Cinnabon cinnamon roll for me to tell you another story. If any of you have any questions about my experiences with bullying, or bullying in general please feel free to PM me I�fll do my best to get back to you. For now I hope you guys keep this thread alive, because I would like to see all of your guys�f take on how you feel about bullies.

I�fll catch you all on the flip side.

Doc

[butterfly wings]

poor u!! must a been hard!!

[kirei_na_me]

Bullies are victims themselves, usually. They've got issues resulting from some sort of abuse done to them. They bully people to make themselves feel better due to some major problems they have with insecurity.

Luckily, I've never been the victim of bullying, nor have I bullied anyone. I was the type person who tried to be a friend to everyone. In high school, I would talk to anyone. Before my junior and senior years, I was part of the teachers' kids, doctors' kids, etc. clique. I got so sick of the "mean girls" way of some of the people in my clique, that I just broke away from them. I would have rather been on my own and been good to everybody and have everybody good to me than be with the popular bunch, where everyone was so superficial, materialistic, and just plain mean. To this day, I think about how those people in that clique had more respect for me after I got away from them than they ever had while I rolled with them.

Something funny happened to that bunch one day, too. In English class everyday, they would pick on this really smart guy in there. He was kind of smaller than average, wore glasses, was very studious, never had a girlfriend. Well, they would pick on him all the time. They really enjoyed mocking him. Well, after what seemed like months of this torture, he finally stood up to them and said something like, "You think you'll be laughing when I'm signing your checks one day?!". Let me tell you, that shut them up. I didn't hear them pick on him after that. I guess they were more harmless than the bullies of today, though...

[Doc]

You're absolutely right kirei with what bullies are. Of course I wouldn't use the word victim in this case. That just screams sympathy, and the bullies of today don't deserve sympathy. Why might you ask? It's because today bullies take it to such an extreme level compared to the ones you had to see during your school years. Technology has made it even worse with bullies exploiting people over the internet just for kicks.

Just because bullies are "victims" themselves doesn't mean they deserve sympathy when they make a kid committ suicide by going to far. Despite whatever absuse they've had done to them they can change it, but they usually don't have the will power to do so or just don't want to because of the emence power trip they get off of tormenting people. Hell even then ones who are tormented by bullies can end up (and most usually do) becoming bullies later in life. It's a vicious cycle that repeats itself all due to some self loathing, self pitying, power greedy, attention grabbing person who doesn't want to change themselves for the better. What's worse is that it usually starts because of the parents and peers too. It really is sad no matter how you look at it.

Doc

[Ma Cherie]

Bravo, Doc! *applauds*. You nailed it, you gave your life story almost. And you pointed out that bullying is just physical. I was a victim of bullying myself. Especially in middle school, which is the worst time for bullying. Doc, you made me want to give my experience of what it was like to be bullied.

It was in the fourth grade, and for some reason I would never speak to anyone because I had nothing to say. I guess the kids thought there was something wrong with me, so I was soon the target of ridicule. I don't know what it was, I don't know if it was because I moved from a suburban school to an urban school and my way of speaking was different from theirs. But the kids didn't like me. Lunchtime was the worst, the kids would cough in my food so I couldn't eat it, and those teachers and principles that worked at that crappy school for years and known those kids since they were in kidergarden wouldn't do anything about it. That really made me angry. I'm the new student and I don't get justice. There was a man named Mr. McCary, he knew those brats since they were smaller brats. And he knew all of their names, he didn't bother to learn my name. Which angered me to no end. First you toss me aside when I'm mistreated by those brats and you can't learn my name! Anyway, back to the subject. Kids would throw things at me, sweep trash under my desk, whenever I would step out to the room they would write all over my desk. I was never selected to be on a kickball team.

The only time I was ever chosen is when the teacher made those brats choose me. So, recess was no fun. Then I knew this boy had a crush on me, but he wouldn't let anyone else know because liking me was just outragious and I guess it would even seem abnormal. So, that was elementry school.

[Thor]

I am bullied every day at school. People throw things at me, call me silly names, and spread rumors about me. I'm not the only one, but it sure does hurt when you see your good friend giving a bully something to throw at you on the bus.

[Kinsao]

I just really want to hug everyone on here who has been/is being bullied. It's so sad...

I was bullied a small amount... but I guess I just have a really thick skin, or in fact maybe it's the British stiff upper lip, lol, because I tried my best to ignore it and if it got too bad (like physical) I would just fight back. And I wasn't afraid of getting into trouble for stuff like fighting etc. so although I got good grades I managed not to be too geeky So when I got to secondary school I still had confidence to make friends even if they weren't 'in' crowd, and bullying just tailed off (maybe as I got bigger and stronger might have something to do with it? )

I wish I could say something helpful, but I'm really bad at comforting people with words

[Doc]

Bravo, Doc! *applauds*. You nailed it, you gave your life story almost. And you pointed out that bullying is just physical. I was a victim of bullying myself. Especially in middle school, which is the worst time for bullying. Doc, you made me want to give my experience of what it was like to be bullied.

It was in the fourth grade, and for some reason I would never speak to anyone because I had nothing to say. I guess the kids thought there was something wrong with me, so I was soon the target of ridicule. I don't know what it was, I don't know if it was because I moved from a suburban school to an urban school and my way of speaking was different from theirs. But the kids didn't like me. Lunchtime was the worst, the kids would cough in my food so I couldn't eat it, and those teachers and principles that worked at that crappy school for years and known those kids since they were in kidergarden wouldn't do anything about it. That really made me angry. I'm the new student and I don't get justice. There was a man named Mr. McCary, he knew those brats since they were smaller brats. And he knew all of their names, he didn't bother to learn my name. Which angered me to no end. First you toss me aside when I'm mistreated by those brats and you can't learn my name! Anyway, back to the subject. Kids would throw things at me, sweep trash under my desk, whenever I would step out to the room they would write all over my desk. I was never selected to be on a kickball team.

The only time I was ever chosen is when the teacher made those brats choose me. So, recess was no fun. Then I knew this boy had a crush on me, but he wouldn't let anyone else know because liking me was just outragious and I guess it would even seem abnormal. So, that was elementry school.

Believe me I know your pain. You know, all this talk about bullying reminded me of a new video game coming out by Rockstar Games called "Bully". The point of the game is simple, you are a person who is subjected to bullying every day. Aparently your guy has been bullied from elementary school all the way up till his freshman year in college. As the story goes on, your guy finally exacts revenge on the bullies that made his life a living hell. Rockstar's official position on the game is that it's made for those who were bullied through their childhood. I'm actually looking forward towards this game seeing as you can literally make the bullies' lives a living hell now.

Doc

[Ma Cherie]

Oi Doc, a game like that is out? Well, thanks for sharing your story, and that was wonderful the way you made a change like that. You redeemed yourself. And for those of you who never been bullied, I would say you are fortunate, you don't have those emotional scars that you can carry throughout your life.

[Doc]

Oi Doc, a game like that is out? Well, thanks for sharing your story, and that was wonderful the way you made a change like that. You redeemed yourself. And for those of you who never been bullied, I would say you are fortunate, you don't have those emotional scars that you can carry throughout your life.

I may have pulled myself up, but there are still emotional scars that are cut so deep that they have literally damaged my soul. They say that your peers play the biggest role in your life, and eventually make you who you are. I guess that could be true with me. There are times where I will get into real bouts of depression so deep some maybe wonder why I don't have suicidial thoughts. However, I learned my lesson from that and never want to do it again. Still some of these scars still hurt.

For example I still find myself undesirable towards women. To be honest that's the only scar that truly hurts the most. It usually never bothers me until somebody brings up some wishy-washy comment about their sex life that makes it hurt. Other than that I'm hardly ever depressed. Sure I still have a lot of anger and rage built up in me, but I'm mellow for the most part. I don't let it go because people get hurt. Instead I release it when I play video games. At least it's better taking it out on a vitrual character rather than a real person huh?

As for the video game, that isn't out yet. Rockstar said it is slated for October of this year for PS2 and X-Box. You can find out more about it here:Bully the Video Game

I can't wait to play it! Torturing bullies will never be so much fun!

Doc

[ironman]

And for those of you who never been bullied, I would say you are fortunate, you don't have those emotional scars that you can carry throughout your life.

Or you become a computer nerd and make a small fortune. Bill was probably bullied.

I liked Docs story. Very genuine.

[Tim33]

I myself have been both.

I was bullied and i myself bullied.

I imagine i bullied not nessesarily out of fun but more because i did not want to be the victim myself. By me taking up the role of bullying it in turn stopped people from bullying me. However i never let it get to out of hand, if i saw serious problems ariseing i would usually find a way out and to make the bullying stop but at the same time i could not let myself fall victim because of this.

I was quite a selfish person when i was younger, making someone else unhappy so that i did not have to be. But its because of these actions i took back then that i am able to look at myself now, realise how much i have grown up in my thinking and i am now quite the opposite person. Though i still regret past behavior and i would probally change it if i had the opportunity.

[Ma Cherie]

Oh Tim, that was so heartfelt. I understand your position on not wanting to be a victim of bullying. My so-called friends made fun of me when others were around. But what hurt me most is when it was just me and them, they acted as if they've done nothing wrong. Whenever I saw someone being bullied, I didn't do anything. I was just satisfied that for once, I wasn't the victim. I completely understand your regret.

[InnerVision]

I really Loved the Way ;Doc & Ma Cheire exprssed their Feelings. Bully for You !!! :)

'think I was quite fortunate of being a prefect throughout my School life. :)

For bullying i must state that 'Resistance is all loving ,if You just stick to the task set by your ownself'.

Just keep on Walking.

[InnerVision]

I am bullied every day at school. People throw things at me, call me silly names, and spread rumors about me. I'm not the only one, but it sure does hurt when you see your good friend giving a bully something to throw at you on the bus.

Start listening to 'Mushroomhead' ,Ill Nino,Burzum & System of a Down. 'Guess all the 'Metallers' were once bullied (esp. burzum ..) as was the case with bill mentioned by ironman.

Now for the underlined words ...



'Dead serious about it ...