It has become popular over the last decade to talk about EQ and emotional intelligence. Although I understand the concept, I find that the EQ tests I have come across are far from efficient in telling how good someone is at controlling its emotional intelligence, negociating or reading other people's mind. More often than not, the answer to the question depends on the situation, one's mood, one's values, one's experience, and what is at stake in that particular case, rather than actual emotional skills.
Let's illustrate this with a few examples of questions from this website.
Example 1
26) Your partner should be back from a night out with friends around midnight. Midnight comes and goes and there’s no sign of your partner. 1 a.m. passes, 2 a.m. passes, and by 3 a.m. your general feeling is:
1) the test taker will be more likely to answer this if their partner is not a good driver, often drinks too much, or lives/goes out in a dangerous neighbourhood. Unlikely if the person is very responsible, strong and live in a very safe place.
2) depends on whether the test taker knows where the partner is going out. Is a friend's home ? Is it a nightclub ? Is it a cultural event ? Is the partner accompanied by family or friends ? I would be more likely to choose this anwer if my wife was going to the restaurant with my mother than if she was going to a nightclub with friends she hardly knows.
3) Is my partner often late, or has it never happened before. Is she going to a scheduled event (e.g. theatre) or somewhere where she could spend the whole night (e.g. nightclub) ? In the first case I would be much more likely to call the police if she was 3h late than in the 2nd case.
4) Again, who is she going out with ? Where ? Is she often late ? Has she cheated before ? Does she socialise with strangers easily ? Is she very attractive and sexually active ? All these questions are more important than one's actual EQ. My reaction would be different depending on which of my former partners we are talking about.
Example 2
27) You have been planning a weekend get-away vacation for over a month, but the Friday afternoon before the trip, your boss says you will have to stay and work the weekend. You probably wouldn't get fired if you just walked out on your boss, but it would create some big waves. You would most likely:
To answer this question, it is more important to know how much I like my job, how involved I am in it, what is my relation with my boss and coworkers, what is my level of responsibility, what are my financial incentives, how much I care about that particular vacation weekend, whether I had made any non-refundable reservation, whether I am going alone or with other people, how my partner or other people involved in the vacation feel about my not coming, and many other factors. All 4 answers are possible depending on the situation. It does not depend at all on my emotional intelligence but on my level of commitment to my job, partner/friends, and physical need for some time off.
I could use the same kind of reasoning for most of the questions in this test, and in other EQ tests I have tried. This is why I think that it is extremely difficult to assess one's EQ. I even think that a person's EQ is not stable in time, and highly depends on one's mood, tiredness, familiarity with the environment and people, and commitment to different things. Motivation can boost the quality of one's emotional reactions.
Let's illustrate this with a few examples of questions from this website.
Example 1
26) Your partner should be back from a night out with friends around midnight. Midnight comes and goes and there’s no sign of your partner. 1 a.m. passes, 2 a.m. passes, and by 3 a.m. your general feeling is:
- Worried. You start to think of a car accident, assault, or any number of things that could be going wrong right now.
- Three hours late? Your partner is probably out having a great time.
- You are concerned, but aren't exactly calling the police. Your partner probably just lost track of time.
- You think your partner could be out fooling around sexually with someone else.
1) the test taker will be more likely to answer this if their partner is not a good driver, often drinks too much, or lives/goes out in a dangerous neighbourhood. Unlikely if the person is very responsible, strong and live in a very safe place.
2) depends on whether the test taker knows where the partner is going out. Is a friend's home ? Is it a nightclub ? Is it a cultural event ? Is the partner accompanied by family or friends ? I would be more likely to choose this anwer if my wife was going to the restaurant with my mother than if she was going to a nightclub with friends she hardly knows.
3) Is my partner often late, or has it never happened before. Is she going to a scheduled event (e.g. theatre) or somewhere where she could spend the whole night (e.g. nightclub) ? In the first case I would be much more likely to call the police if she was 3h late than in the 2nd case.
4) Again, who is she going out with ? Where ? Is she often late ? Has she cheated before ? Does she socialise with strangers easily ? Is she very attractive and sexually active ? All these questions are more important than one's actual EQ. My reaction would be different depending on which of my former partners we are talking about.
Example 2
27) You have been planning a weekend get-away vacation for over a month, but the Friday afternoon before the trip, your boss says you will have to stay and work the weekend. You probably wouldn't get fired if you just walked out on your boss, but it would create some big waves. You would most likely:
- Tell your boss that you have been planning a trip for weeks and can't work over the weekend―if he gets really upset you might end up cancelling your plans to smooth things over.
- There's no question―cancel your plans and work the weekend.
- Lie and say your mother has recently gotten ill and use the "family emergency" to avoid working the weekend.
- Tell your boss you will cancel your plans, but expect your sacrifice to be compensated in some way.
To answer this question, it is more important to know how much I like my job, how involved I am in it, what is my relation with my boss and coworkers, what is my level of responsibility, what are my financial incentives, how much I care about that particular vacation weekend, whether I had made any non-refundable reservation, whether I am going alone or with other people, how my partner or other people involved in the vacation feel about my not coming, and many other factors. All 4 answers are possible depending on the situation. It does not depend at all on my emotional intelligence but on my level of commitment to my job, partner/friends, and physical need for some time off.
I could use the same kind of reasoning for most of the questions in this test, and in other EQ tests I have tried. This is why I think that it is extremely difficult to assess one's EQ. I even think that a person's EQ is not stable in time, and highly depends on one's mood, tiredness, familiarity with the environment and people, and commitment to different things. Motivation can boost the quality of one's emotional reactions.