Are you really your father's child ?

[Maciamo]

BBC News : Who's the Daddy?

Up to three million Britons may be wrong about who their real father is, experts claim. But using DNA paternity tests to discover the truth can cause its own problems.

Estimates suggest that 5% of the population may have a different father to the one they think they are related to, says Professor John Burn, of the Institute of Human Genetics in Newcastle.

He runs one of the UK's few paternity testing services, which carries out about 300 DNA tests a year - a third of results surprise those involved. But men should be cautious about trying to prove their suspicions, he says, for the truth is often unkind.

There is also the problem of children being mistakenly exhanged at birth in hospitals, or even adopted children who never know it.

Make sure to read people's comments on the BBC's website.
I also believe that a DNA test is the best option and everyone who wants to know the truth or be assured that their parents really are theirs, should make the test. How many people are ready to put their family life in jeopardy and confront an unsuspected truth ? I am asking you all if you'd be ready to take a DNA test or if anyone has ever taken one.

[thomas]

Hm, a delicate question. I was astonished to read the comments on that article, as I naively thought that emotional bonds between parents (or the persons who have raised a child respectively) and children is much stronger than genetical facts. It obviously isn't. It would be interesting to have stats from other countries as well.

[Chipi]

Well,if Iīd really had some big doubts in my mind, and needed the correct answer desperately, then I think Iīd go with the test. It always depens on the situation, if the truth is more important, or the bonds of the family you allready have. Sometimes a person, who isnīt related to you at all, can be more of a mother, sister, brother, father etc., than your real relatives...it always depends.

I personally donīt have any suspicions of my parents and other relatives, so this is only speculation..

[Twisted]

It would be easy to say that i wouldn't mind doing a test like that and also that the eventual outcome wouldn't affect my life, even if the result is not in line with my expectations. I'd like to say that i have a solid state of mind and i could handle all eventualities.

In reality i don't think you can foresee your reaction unless you're faced with those facts for real.

I'm also quite interested in stats of other countries. Wouldn't be surprised to find out that the Brits screw around a lot more then other Europeans.

[thomas]

Originally posted by Twisted
also quite interested in stats of other countries. Wouldn't be surprised to find out that the Brits screw around a lot more then other Europeans.

Cough, cough... that's what I assumed too. ;)

[Maciamo]

With all the waiwai stories I've read in Japan, I'd be really interested to know the stats for this country as well. Unfortunately, 300people taking DNA each year in Britain is so few that it isn't really meaningful for statistics. Let's launch a global campaign and get the stats for all the population. My impression is that the most loyal countries are Arabic and the least black African, but that's maybe just stereotypes.

[Maciamo]

You'll find more info on DNA paternity test on these sites :

UK

http://www.londonbiosciences.co.uk/ (150 to 274 UKĢ for 99,999% sure test)

http://www.dnabioscience.com/ (worldwide test from 139UKĢ for 99,9% accuracy)

Europe

http://www.vaterschaftstest.ch/ (in German, French, Italian, English and Polish ; 652 EUR for 99,9% accuracy)

USA

http://www.genelex.com/ (99,99% accuracy, from 475US$)

http://www.dnacenter.com/ (worldwide, from 420US$)

I didn't know DNA test were so expensive. I am bewildered by the numbers of companies offering DNA testing on Internet. The cheapest seem to be found in the UK though, which could explain the test popularity overthere.

I've read here and there that there were sometimes scams about the test, so the best bet would be to go and see your doctor and ask in a hospital more info about the tests. Test might soon be available in pharmacies in France, in order to protect people from Internet scams, I have read. Anyway, make sure you have all contact information (tel, address...) before ordering anything on the Internet. Just an email address is not enough !

[PRIZMATIC]

Theme of the father - a painful theme for me...
I him saw last time when to me was approximately 11 years... He did not live with us and came every year to come to see us... Though my mother forbade to me to meet him, to it time having seen his worth in the street and expecting when we shall leave and somewhere we shall go - that though so to see me, my mother has told to me: " Here look, there there is your father... " Having turned back, I have seen his worth on other side of street. Mother as it is usual, did not begin to stop and has dragged me on some concert... I was More than him did not see... Later, from "grandmother" I has learned that in his this arrival he has been killed... And she having familiar in law enforcement bodies, has told to me, that it is KGB... Him have killed that, becoming the priest, he predicted that "Soviet Union" will be destroyed... Mother all life was afraid to tell to me that have killed him and that her familiar have warned that she did not speak about it to anybody, and that does not begin also her...
"Soviet Union" has collapsed...
The strange history has taken place with mother...
KGB again operates Russia...

[No-name]

I feel bad for Tessa's husband, her lover and her children. That woman has serious problems.

My dad was a violent drunk. I didn't grow up with him in my life and finding out that he wasn't my biological father would be interesting, but make no difference.

My own kids are definitely mine. The look, sound and act just like me. If my wife wasn't in the room when they were born, I would wonder if she was related to them.

[Kinsao]

I'm very like to my father, so if I found out that he wasn't my real father, that would be a BIG surprise! In fact I don't think it would be possible that us two were not blood relations in some way, even if he wasn't my real father in fact.

If I did find out that my father was someone else, I would then be interested to find out more about my family's history. But it wouldn't change the way I think about the man who acted for 20 years as my father. ^^

As someone who knows my biological parents, I can understand why people would want to find this out, even if they can still very much love and respect those who acted as their parents. Because there are some ways in which, if you do happen to take after a parent in one aspect, the pull of genetics can be very strong. I have experienced this within myself, at some times, when it can feel really as if you are almost 'programmed' to act/react a certain way!

[Tsuyoiko]

Wow, this is an old thread! But still, it's interesting.

My dad is my dad. We are very much alike, both physically and in some character traits as well. Maybe I will post a pic of him and you can judge Aside from the usual family resemblances of hair colour, eye colour, facial features, everyone in my family has a bony lump on the middle finger of their right hand. Even though my sister is much more like my mum's side, she still has the lump!

Some recentish findings in biology and psychology strongly suggest that familial resemblance is entirely in the genes - according to the studies, upbringing has no part in it. So if you are substantially like your parents, it's very likely that they are your biological parents. No need for a DNA test!

[nurizeko]

I was adopted when i was 8 by my current parents, ive had one set of foster parents before that, and before that biological parents that divorced out of my memory.

my adopted parents are my parents, as far as im concerned they always have been and always will be and i hold no loyalty whatsoever to the genetic material donors far away.

BUT, it is nice to know where i come from, its saved me the family destroying urge to find out who my biological parents are.

Infact it feels wierd talking about biological parents....I've never thought of myself as adopted really...infact it feels dirty and wrong to think it, I'm with my real family, its just so odd....relising i am infact un-related to my parents...but bah, not an issue really.

In a perfect world everyone would have two biological loving parents who do no wrong but that is a fantasy, if people could come to terms with the fact they should feel lucky to have two parents, biological or not, then this wouldnt be an issue for them.

[Tokis-Phoenix]

With women cheating on men, and not telling them for years while their man raises another man's child- I think that such a lie goes on for so long, not because the woman is heartless, but because she doesn't have the courage to address such an issue and is afraid of what she'll lose- so she keeps it inside her hoping the pain will go away.
But this is the wrong way- no good can come of lies, honesty is always the best policey even if you haven't always been honest- if you lie, and keep it inside you, it will just become worse. If you've kept a lie inside you for years, its never too late; yes, you may lose your relationship, you may lose your family, or your friends or marriage etc- but the longer you lie, the worser the consequences will be. But unless you are truly heartless, you will never be able to keep that lie in you forever though as it'll tear you up and consume you eventually. So its better to be honest sooner rather than later.

But you never know, true love can be suprisingly strong- you may not lose everything, you may have to work very hard, but you can rebuild the trust if you are honest with yourself and the ones you love. Depending on the circumstances, cheating is not always the end of the relationship- many relationships do fully recover from affairs, but only when people become honest with each other, truly honest, and work hard to fix the wrongs that have been done and adress the reasons why they cheated in the first place etc...

But children.
I think parents should always put their children first when they have them- too many parents concentrate on whats best for them rather than their children. Children do best with two parents, not one.
If you are a guy and you find out your child is not your own, you should address your relationship, talk things over very thoroughly and keep your cool and assess the reality, posibilities and solutions of the situation- if you cannot handle your lover having being unfaithful though, don't just up and leave. There's still the child.
I think if a man takes on the responsability of a father, he should stick with that responsability and not just go when personal issues interfere, even if he finds out he isn't the biological father after a while.
I cannot imagine how heartbreaking for a child to find out their father left and did not want to know them just because he found out he wasn't their biological father- its like thats all that matters to him. Yes, its the mothers fault, but then again whats done is done, and the couple should work on what is best for the child in all of this.
Couples can divorce and still work together for the sake of the children involved. Couples can stay together, and raise a child that is not biologically their own. Couples can love one another even through the hardest, toughest hardships of life, and love the child they raise together despite the hardships of life.
Where there's love, compassion, kindness, understanding and tolerance- there's always hope "nods". We all make mistakes, sometimes huge ones, but where's theres hope we can always build a better future for one another :) .

[Tsuyoiko]

But this is the wrong way- no good can come of lies, honesty is always the best policey even if you haven't always been honest- if you lie, and keep it inside you, it will just become worse.

I'm not sure that's always true. I'm sure there are many situations where keeping quiet is best for all involved. If someone made a mistake years ago, but everything is OK right now, why spoil it by dragging all that up? People change, and just because someone made a mistake, doesn't mean they have to admit it to get over it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

[Tokis-Phoenix]

I'm not sure that's always true. I'm sure there are many situations where keeping quiet is best for all involved. If someone made a mistake years ago, but everything is OK right now, why spoil it by dragging all that up? People change, and just because someone made a mistake, doesn't mean they have to admit it to get over it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

A guilty conscience can get the better of blissful ignorance though, keeping a secret like that can come with a lot of guilt- unless one is not able to express themselves because of fear and guilt, their mental health may deterioriate and even more issues in their family life may arise out of this that may put their whole family life at risk.

I once knew a girl who cheated on her boyfriend, it was just a stupid mistake she made when their relationship became strained due to financial issues- she kept the secret inside her because she was afriad of what she would lose if he knew the truth, she did not want to lose him because she still deeply loved him.
She managed to keep the secret in her for a long time, but her guilt and depression began to consume her and she tried to commit suicide numerous times... Eventually she managaed to come out about the secret- of course, things were not good at first, but she worked hard for a long and managed to gain the understanding and trust she needed from her boyfriend eventually.
I think people feel guilt for a good reason- if you feel guilty over actions you have done that were wrong, at least to me it proves you are not heartless. If you don't feel guilt over somthing you have done wrong, there's obviously some big issues there that need to be dealt with.

Affairs don't happen for no reason- sure, there are a few who cheat purely out of selfishness, jealousy or hate etc- but i believe that in vast majority of cases, its usually down to more deep issues in a relationship that have not been adressed...Cheating is wrong, there's no doubt about that, but i do think it can often be forgiveable depending on the circumstances.

I'm still young, but in my life so far i have always found that in the end, honesty is always the best policey. I am not a lier, but i have lied in my life so far at various points like anybody else- and i have learnt the hard way that no good comes of lies, even if you intend it to.
And so i advise others, that if they do lie, that they should come out about those lies and be honest even if they are dreading those consequences about coming out about their lies- but if they do, then at least they can say they stopped the lies, and can really make a proper honest start at being honest.

There's another thing though Tsuyoiko- say we come across the situation where a women had a stupid short affair with a man while she was married and trying for a baby. Say the baby is not of her husbands, but of the man she had the affair with- but she does not tell her husband because she fears breaking his heart because of her stupid actions.
So she goes through with the pregnancy, living the lie, raising the child with her husband.

What if the man she had the affair with has a change of heart and decides to tell her husband? All hell will break lose.
If she came out about the lie and was honest before hand, sure there would be hurt, but at least she would have become honest. But if another comes out about the truth before she does, then the situation will be hundreds of times harder to deal with, the hurt even greater...The longer you lie, the harder things become to deal with.

I'm not saying i have all the answers, i don't...But...I think even if you have been living a long lie, its never too late to become honest...And that honesty is always the best policey over lies...Honesty takes courage. Your bad actions may hurt others, but you still need to take responsability for them. I think the person who has an affair but manages to come out about it to their partner, is a strong person- its easy to walk away from somone, but it takes a lot of strength to take responsability for your actions, particually for the ones that were mistakes.
I also think we sometimes underestimate how understanding, forgiving, compassionate and tolerating others can be at times- in this way, maybe we take them for granted?

[Tsuyoiko]

I agree to a point Tokis - in some, maybe most situations, honesty is the best policy. But I am wary of any statement including absolutes - such as 'always'. I prefer to assess each case on its own merits, and to say 'sometimes' honesty is the best, sometimes not - every case and every person is different and complicated I know people who have kept quiet and it was the right decision for everyone involved in those cases. Of course, in an ideal world such situations would never arise!

I guess we got a bit offtopic

[Revenant]

Like Nurizeko, I was adopted, but I was adopted at the age of five. Supposedly my bro, who was adopted along with me, is my full-blooded bro, although the differences between us sometimes make me wonder if we had different fathers. He's got a round blunt face, while I've got a fine featured thinner face. He's athletic, I am not. I am more of a thinker, he's less objective and more likely to have strong likes and dislikes. Actually, beside both having an interest in strategy games, I'm trying to think of something else that we share.

My son is my own, and it would be a MASSIVE surprise to everyone were he not. He's got the same what other people call 'goose-bump inducing gestures', a similar face, the X shaped legs, the ability to get lost in his own world, and the same lack of athleticness that I've also got. He resembles my wife not much at all, besides having a bone structure around the eyes that are more like hers.

[Mycernius]

I have no doubts about my father. Many people have said I look like him and getting more like him as I get older and when I have my contacts in.

[osias]

Ignorance is bliss.

[Minty]

Well I look like my father a lot it would be a shock if he is not my father, however our personalities are completely different though.

I am also extremely different to my sister who looks like my mother and my parents look very different from each other.

There have been some people who don't believe my sister and I are real sisters.

One of her Sino Indonesian friend from high school even asked us whether my father had different wives. I was very offended; I thought that's rude to assume my father was not loyal to my mother.

The first time I went to Europe for vacation was with my sister, and some people in the tour also didn't believe we were sisters, because we looked different and had very different personalities. We had to show them our passport that we got the same surname to prove it.:rolleyes:

However there are also people who think all of my siblings look alike from each other. He is a friend of my brothers from Taiwan. I think he has gone back to Taiwan to live or something.

[Nana007]

I am the spitting image of my grandmother (fathers mom) so if I am not his child then that would be a big shocker. Hmm...as far as paternity tests, I dont know. They can be useful, for example if I was a (Man) person with some wealth and I planned on giving my inheritance to my children I would 100% want to know that the children of my blood is getting it and not the milkmans child.

[Wang]

If you're a father and you want to make sure that your child(ren) is really genetically yours then you should do genetic tests to know for certain. Perhaps really soon after the child is born.

[4321go]

DNA paternity tests , It is a waste of money,for no one doubt it or need to doubt~

there are most likely the son will act like his father~

I was adopted when i was 8 by my current parents, ive had one set of foster parents before that, and before that biological parents that divorced out of my memory.
my adopted parents are my parents, as far as im concerned they always have been and always will be and i hold no loyalty whatsoever to the genetic material donors far away.
BUT, it is nice to know where i come from, its saved me the family destroying urge to find out who my biological parents are.
Infact it feels wierd talking about biological parents....I've never thought of myself as adopted really...infact it feels dirty and wrong to think it, I'm with my real family, its just so odd....relising i am infact un-related to my parents...but bah, not an issue really.
In a perfect world everyone would have two biological loving parents who do no wrong but that is a fantasy, if people could come to terms with the fact they should feel lucky to have two parents, biological or not, then this wouldnt be an issue for them.

Is it really ?

[Maciamo]

They can be useful, for example if I was a (Man) person with some wealth and I planned on giving my inheritance to my children I would 100% want to know that the children of my blood is getting it and not the milkmans child.

And that's why we don't have milkmen here anymore.

[Minty]

You know Maciamo, I think you have lost some posts after you moved this thread over. I remember I had a conversation with Tsuyoiko about that she also doesn't look or behave like her sister but it's no longer in here!