There are a lot of crossing opinions in this thread, so let's tread carefully. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same.
In no way do I advocate forcing women out of the workforce or chaining them to stoves. Women have a choice for the life they want to live and men also have a choice.
It is true that macho men are no longer required to protect women and children from other men nearly as much. We have police that do that for us, or at least attempt it.
We have machinery for any labor intensive tasks. Why then do the hunks get the chicks so much more easily? Muscles are so passe! Women are still attracted to strong men through biological evolution. Look at the ridiculous height preferences. Women prefer taller men. That is absolutely useless in modern society but the preference springs from somewhere in that brain.
It's not only strength though, but what that strength represents and it is only one component of what a lot of women are naturally attracted to: POWER. Women evolved to be choosy because they can carry one man's baby, so it should be the best man they can find. Men just want to spread their seed to as many women as possible and many men struggle with this urge. When I have seen women cheat it has usually been with a perceived "better" than what they had. I've seen men cheat with women less attractive than what they have.
Men overwhelmingly prefer youth and beauty. Women like looks but need to decide if you have the right attitude, demeanor, etc to go with it. They don't want to get conned by a good looking fool. This is part of the reason women wear makeup and try to look younger. There is either a conscious or subconscious awareness of the need to be pretty and young.
The above generalization illustrates the popularity of boss/subordinate affairs.
Attraction is felt at a base level in the subconscious. It cannot be arrived at logically or through negotiation. Keeping the attraction of a mate should be a priority of any long-term relationship. Women and men need to understand that they are different from each other and that what might work for one might not work for the other to maintain harmonious relations.
Men need to stay healthy and keep up the air of physical strength. They need to stand up for themselves rather than be submissive unless you are with a rare woman that prefers it. They need to strive for professional/financial achievement. Never set yourself out to pasture or rest on your laurels.
Women need to stay healthy and attend their beauty. They don't have to live up to biological standards of success in the community to keep their man attracted.
Angela made a great point about two doctors working together to make a wealthy and successful modern family. There is a key here, there was no "kept" man. I have seen "kept" men achieve the marital success of long-term, long-distance relationships. We all think we can make it work but it circles back around to biology and our inability to control our attraction using logic. I'm not saying it's fair or equitable, just that it tends to be true in a broad swathe of people. That is key.
Angela is a rare breed indeed - I can see why she would be offended by some things in this thread. There's many other points I could make regarding male/female psychological differences but I'll leave it there.
Relationships are hard enough work. Introducing a "kept" man scenario makes it much harder for most people. Some people will be fine.
Of course, I'd like to think I'm special, one of a kind. Don't we all? Anyway, my father certainly thought so, and my husband as well,
most of the time, but I assure you that in terms of blending a career with marriage and parenthood I'm not at all rare. In my family of cousins we have, as I said, a female attorney/prosecutor, a doctor who is a cancer specialist, a professor, a couple of teachers, a guidance counselor, a psychologist, a couple of businesswomen, and on and on. In my neighborhood there are a couple of female doctors, a couple of college professors, a currency trader, a couple of women who work for a hedge fund, a couple of accountants, and what seems like dozens of lawyers, some at extremely prestigious firms. All have worked full time and yet raised children as well. Have they achieved as much professionally as they might have if they didn't have children? No, to be honest most of them didn't, and that includes me, because sacrifices have to be made, and usually women make more of them, sometimes choosing to go off partner track or not going after the next promotion or big position.
That doesn't mean that you want to give up your work, and none of these husbands would ask it of their wives. A lot of the younger men, in particular, have no interest in working eighteen hours a day so that their wives can stay home. They
want someone to help with the finances. In my case, my father and my husband actually pushed me further than I might have gone on my own. It was my father's belief that you make use of the brains God gave you, no matter who you are.
As for the attractiveness part...it's undoubtedly part of the equation for both parties. However, it hasn't been my experience that intelligent, highly educated men seek out pretty imbeciles when it comes time to marry. Most of the time, they pick a woman they met at school or work, who has, therefore, the same kind of educational background. That's certainly the case for my family members and in my neighborhood. There are very few mismatches of that sort, and the few that there are usually end in divorce. Some men also look for women who are kind and compassionate, honest and sincere, come from a similar background, with similar values, who will fit in with their families. I think you sell men short to think all they are looking for is looks. That isn't what I see.
As time passes, of course, if you have a brain in your head you try to remain fit and attractive, not just for your partner, but for your own self-respect. In that respect, the women I know actually do a far better job on average than their husbands. However, no one looks exactly the same at 45 as at 25. It's life. If a woman married a man who is so superficial that at that point he wants to turn in his wife for a younger model, she chose badly and has to deal with the consequences. As I would advise leaving him with barely the shirt on his back, so does he.
There are the other kinds of men, and some women as well, the perpetual cheaters. The issue then is them, not the cheated upon spouse. I know a woman very well who unfortunately married a man like that. She was perpetually on a diet, got breast implants, a tummy tuck after the kids, injections, was at the gym as much as she could be, and spent hours and tons of money at the spa and salons. It worked in the sense that she was gorgeous and looked fifteen years younger than her age, but you know what, he still cheated. He would have done it no matter which woman he married and what she looked like. Despite all the bravado, he was a very insecure guy, and that's how he filled his void. Finally, she got sick of it, left, and is much happier. He's now cheating on wife number two.
The trick is to have a very sound idea of who you are and what you want from a spouse, and to be a very good judge of character when choosing a mate. Figure out who this other person is too, what makes him or her tick, how they are with work colleagues, and most importantly, with family. Don't ignore any red flags. Physical attractiveness is only one part of the package; you have to like and respect the other person too.
I just came back to this after a break. Related to all of this, when I was first married, my husband and I were at the home of another couple. The woman was a writer, very witty, and very funny. Her husband half jokingly started a discussion about this, and how men are hunters, and modern society has no room for that. After letting him wax prolific for awhile, she said, ok. Mr. Hunter, go hunt me a pizza! It says it in a nutshell.
I wonder if Bill Gates has muscles? Does his wife care?
I would, but that's me. Looks have always mattered to me, perhaps too much so.
