I call it "The Foreigner's Lament".

I was reminded of this discussion with an Italian friend of mine by a post from Tardis Blue on how you know you've been in France too long. I don't know why I seem to have never posted it here.

Why I can't ever be really Italian:

I can't wear sunglasses at night.

I can't get those darn sweaters to stay tied around my neck.

I get hives from scarves.

I want to sit down when I get my morning coffee.

I absolutely refuse to get all dressed up to go and get the mail from the mailbox (for the older crowd)

I cannot figure out how to cross my legs in a very short skirt, and look seductive and decent at the same time (for the ladies, of course)

I will not walk cobblestone streets in mile high stilettos.

I actually want to go in the water when I go to the beach. The heck with my make-up and hair.

I will not pay $35.00 dollars or more to rent a lounge chair on the beach with every other Italian in the country. Has anybody in this country heard that beaches are supposed to be free?

I am actually sick of all this attention from men.

The thought of hitting on strange women also makes me break out in hives.

I just thought of another one. I can't play the tamburello.
You have no idea how some Italians would hate this one.

I really do think you can be overdressed for something.

I absolutely refuse to iron my husband's underwear or the sheets (this is for the older crowd) or

I never iron

I do not know how to look surreptitiously in passing windows to check my hair.

I will never in my life be able to get in a size two dress.

I'll never get liver trouble, because I don't even know where my liver is, nor what it does.

I've never gotten a stiff neck from un colpo d'aria in my life.

(This is related) I actually like air-conditioning.

Ice in my drinks DOES NOT ruin my indigestion.

I will not drown if I don't wait for three hours after my meal before I put my toes in the water.

I will not wear a fur coat when it's sixty degrees out.

I don't care how the dish was made, I never cook anyway, I just want to eat it.
Re: I Can Never Be Italian Because.....

I'm having a great time with the premise of this thread. Hope you will enjoy it too.
These are meant to be humorous, not serious. Of course, not all Italians fit the "mold" I've posited here and in previous posts, and not all Americans think this way. Some very sophisticated tourists come to Italy from all over the world. However, I give you my word, I've either seen, or heard, similar kinds of views, although I'll admit I re-worded them for comic effect! Also, my portrayal of Italians in prior posts was done with much love. I wouldn't want to be anything else.