Do men speak more about themselves than women ?

[Maciamo]

That's a psychological question worth analysing. Men tend to be more arrogant and selfish than women and talk more about themselves. In Japan the role of women is to listen and praise them. That's why hostess bars are so numerous in Japan. That's also why women are often kept at tea-serving positions and must accompany their male superiors for a drink after work. Well, that's another problem. I'll just ask you if you do believe or not that men are more inclined to talk about themselves or not.

[thomas]

I tend to believe it's a question of character. I am just reading a book by Allan & Barbara Pease entitled "Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps", in Japanese.

[Maciamo]

Yeah, I know that book. I had a look at a few pages in a bookshop. I bought "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", in a similar line, last year.

[moyashi]

@ other
Women gab about themselves to other women and men aren't there to witness it.

I want another option added.
Women want to talk about themselves just as much as men do but they expect men to ask them first! If you don't ask them first they'll make sure you know that you should've asked them first.

ooops that might not fit. Cut it off at the "!" then ...

[Maciamo]

I think that women like talking about their feelings rather than about what they've have done or can do. They also prefer to talk about other people (gossip) or ask about the person they are talking to. My wife sometimes complains that I don't ask her enough questions, what she interprete as a lack of interest. I just expect her to speak whenever she has something to say. On the other hand, she says that I talk too much (but about things she might not be interested ).

[thomas]

They also prefer to talk about other people (gossip) or ask about the person they are talking to.

As Moyashi pointed out, they usually gossip among each other.

On the other hand, she says that I talk too much (but about things she might not be interested.

That's the reason we end up online at bulletin boards. ;)

[moyashi]

hehe, maybe we should just get a few of the young lady members here to fess up? Might be smarter and much quicker than just having a bunch of guys trying to figure out something they'll never possibly figure out on their own.

;)

[deborah gormley]

1st young lady lol
I personaly beleive its down to a case of culture and up-bringing, I'm a little surprised to hear that japanese men speak openly about themselves and that some men in general do this as a pass time in bars ect, from my own personal experience "men" (father, brothers,husband ect)do not speak about themselves or other men as some kind of "secret code of hounor" or something like that, to get a man to tell you his emotions ect, its like "pulling teeth", so this is unusal to me, however from the ladies point of veiw, as moyashi said, "we gab on quite abit" about everything, men,children,work,chores,men,shopping, neighbours,men lolol but even my husband is self taught in the fine art of pleasantly smiling and switching off his ears untill I require an answer,lolol:rolleyes: this is an exceptable part of life for us ladies, because we can gab about it and say "well what do we really expect they are only MEN"

[lineartube]

I think women can gossip with either female and male friends if they feel that they can trust them and thats from personnal experience.

As for men, I think that it depends on personality and culture

[Maciamo]

Oups, sorry ! I've only just realised that my initial question was not very clear and could be understood in 2 different ways.

"Do men talk more about themselves than women ?"
By this I mean "does a man like speaking about himself (because he finds himself important, maybe), more than a woman would talk about herself".
I didn't mean "do men like gossipping about each others more", or "do men talk about each other a lot".

Sorry for the confusion.

In Japan, it's very clear that Japanese men like to be listened and praised by females or other (subordinate) males. I think it's in the nature of men like this. I've read "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus", by John Gray last year and here are a few things I find particularily true and enlightening :

A man needs to feel reassured of his value all the time. He needs to hear that he is right more than a woman. Women need to feel apprieciated and respected. So, men need to be reassured about their capacities, knowledge or efficiency, while women need emotional support and feel they are useful (i.e. that their presence is desired). The worst offence for a man is to hear "you are not good enough to do that !". However, a woman would be more shocked if she was told "you are not necessary".

Personally, I tend to feel offended when someone want to "help" me with something I can very well do by myself. It feels like a supposition that I am not good enough. My wife is offended if I tell her I don't need her to help me, because I can manage very well by myself.
Interestingly, the other way round, it's no problem. She can ask me help and I am happy to show that I can help, while she is glad to be helped too. But I hate to be criticised for not doing something well enough (usually it's for unintelletual things like the cleaning, but still I feel offended because I was doing my best).

Women hate that their feeling be criticised, not so much their abilities. To all men on this forum, never tell a woman that she shouldn't feel the way she does and try reasoning her. She needs to be listened and understood rather than to find a rational solution to the potential problem. That took me a long time to understand, as I wouldn't feel better by just being emotionally supported.

[deborah gormley]

@ maciamo,, a man after my own heart!!!
so true are your words fo "never tell a woman that she should'nt feel the way she feels". emotions are the way to a womans heart (and to a mans) all individuals at some stage in our life feels neglected and unwanted,to a point of sadly to say total and utter " despreastion?" either that of a failure or of that of "in need of guidance" all females are individual and of differnt needs and capabilities (as are all men) this should be aknowledged and accepted as "the circle of life" never to be critised(spell?) or used as a weapon against a indivual, only to be used as a weak point that needs assistance and a kind heart!!!

[Satori]

Maciamo,

In answer to your question, I would say yes. But I think it has to do with societal issues more than anything (as you also pointed out). I disagree with John Gray's premise that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I certainly agree that we are all sent to Mars and Venus around puberty when society steps in and starts telling males and females how to feel and behave. Which would be fine if we all stayed on Mars and Venus! But instead, we are all sent back to earth where neither system works!! Our society encourages men to succeed in the external world more than women are encouraged to do so (even these days), and our society encourages women to succeed on an internal level, such as being nurturing and supportive towards helping men succeed externally. Of course, women are also encouraged to succeed externally, but mainly in terms of external beauty--and that is encouraged as a way of attracting externally successful males. Legally, women are encouraged to succeed externally as much as men are, but socially I think it's still discouraged in some unspoken way. In other words, women are encouraged to be the best "servant" or the best "toy." If they choose neither and instead choose to succeed as men do, then they are basically not "accepted" by a lot of men. And I don't know of too many women who don't want to be accepted by men! Of course, our society encourages men to succeed as far as possible externally, but they are expected to do it with one hand tied behind their back, so to speak, by not being able to fully "feel" in life. Wouldn't want to operate heavy machinery--or my life---without all my senses in tact!! According to John Gray, we need to be more aware of how men and women think and feel differently. I disagree. That's like saying, "Well, this is how a slave feels, and this is how a slave-owner feels. Can't we all just get along?" If we did that, we would still have an inhumane system (slavery) in place! Instead, I think we should just chuck this patriarchal system our society has adopted and that obviously doesn't do much good for either sex! I'd rather see men and women be allowed to be all they can be--internally and externally--freely and honestly. But ... that's just my opinion, for what it's worth.

Satori
:)

[neko_girl22]

I've heard that in Japan quiet men are generally looked up to rather than the talkative types ..... personally I *really* don't like men that talk about themselves alot , if someone is truly talented or has admirable qualities, he doesn't need to tell us. Kind of like that Chinese proverb - an empty vessel makes the most noise.
Humility is an attractive quality IMHO!

[Chipi]

I think that women speak just as much about themselves, as men do.
I have noticed this in my relationship...we both speak about ourselves so much...maybe too much.. ;)
But I donīt think that anyone could say that one or the other gender is more selfish than the other, itīs about personality. Anyways, I think that the male gender is much more fair, relaxed and truthful.

[nikki_the_insane]

The boy I like tends to like to hear himself talk too much. I odn't mind, I like listening to him even though most people dont. XD I do though want to get my own words in every now and then.

[playaa]

I think it all depends on the persons personality, As I have seen the same amount of girls walk around town bragging about anything and everything about themselves. But there are certainly the same amount of men to match.

[jeisan]

hmm i think men like telling stories and ones about injury or accomplishment are some of their favorites. i dont normally without being prompted or if its the topic of conversation and then its usually a bunch of guys telling stories anyway.

[Buddha Smoker]

I think men like to compete with each other even if it is unconsiously (spell?). This is just my opinion but it just seems what I observe.

[nekosasori]

@BuSmo, it's "unconsciously".
@Maciamo, I personally think it's too much of an (invalid) generalization to state:

To all men on this forum, never tell a woman that she shouldn't feel the way she does and try reasoning her. She needs to be listened and understood rather than to find a rational solution to the potential problem. That took me a long time to understand, as I wouldn't feel better by just being emotionally supported.

I think all people need to be understood and that it's unfair, unreasonable, and plain wrong to generalize about half the world population not wanting to be "reasoned with" as much as "emotionally supported". I would welcome rational argument and reason any day because that's how I process my feelings. I don't think that unconditional emotional support is useful or valid - I think it's a waste of time to just talk about feelings without getting to the core of WHY those feelings exist.

And yes, I happen to a woman. I just value logical thought (and have always been this way) over simple (and un-analysed) emotions. It's even taken me several decades to even admit to having emotions that have to be dealt with constructively.

Oh, and women I've known are much more competitive than the men I've known, personally. I just think there are too many exceptions that trying to apply gender-specific rules is meaningless. In that sense I completely agree with playaa - a person's personality matters MUCH more than what genitalia they happen to own or even which society raised him or her.

[Buddha Smoker]

@BuSmo, it's "unconsciously".

Thanks!....sometimes I get lazy to look up words especially when I'm tired.

[Lina Inverse]

I'd say that it's not dependant from gender, but rather from personality.

[Buddha Smoker]

I remember this Socialogy class that I took in college and it was pretty interesting because it dealt with things like this.

I remember that we talked about this and one of the points that were made was

When Guys are playing with each other in younger years then they are usually competing with each other to be the best and prefer the mountain-like system But girls always treat each other as equals and prefer the plains-like system. Guys are always playing games like sports and toys, where there is a winner and loser but girls like to (I hate to use this but for lack of words) dress-up, cooking, tea-time, etc.

Now, this is not for everybody of course because it ultimately depends on your surroundings and enviroment but that was the explanation given. Sorry about the bad spelling..I know I mispelled a couple things there but I'm fixing a bowl of cereal for my daughter while typing.

[Duo]

I think that people have the overall impression that men talk more about themselves than women do because when a man is on date with a woman, he is naturally trying to impress her with his achievments, personality, humor, little vignettes or what have you. Maybe is just that men have a higher need to impress, or I dunno, I'm just guessing here

[Buddha Smoker]

I think that people have the overall impression that men talk more about themselves than women do because when a man is on date with a woman, he is naturally trying to impress her with his achievments, personality, humor, little vignettes or what have you. Maybe is just that men have a higher need to impress, or I dunno, I'm just guessing here

I think you are right too because we men think that we have to impress instead of repress..LOL and most women say they just like men to be themselves but it works both ways.

[Duo]

I think you are right too because we men think that we have to impress instead of repress..LOL and most women say they just like men to be themselves but it works both ways.

Yeah, well for me personally, being myself and trying to listen to the other person works out fine.