I stumbled across this thread while searching for a connection between extreme self discipline and a possible chemical imbalance. You see of course that I was running out of 'simple' ways to word what I was looking for. I do that a lot. I constantly have to think of smaller words to get my thoughts across to people...
While reading the OP, I felt a strange sense of calm creep over me and even caught myself smiling when I had only gotten half way through. Maybe I am not a total freak of nature, and I can chalk it all up to having a high IQ. *shrug*
5 days ago I decided to quit smoking. I have smoked for the better part of 10 years. Since then I have had essentially NO adverse effects. No irritability, no anxiety, no anger. I have kept a journal to document 'possible cravings' since I haven't even experienced 1 full blown craving. And that seems odd to me. I live with a smoker, and the smell of it doesn't seem to effect me either. It doesn't disgust me, it doesn't appeal to me. I am completely indifferent to it since the moment I decided I wanted nothing to do with it.
It didn't take long for me to compare this mindset/outcome to other areas of my life, as I frequently 'triage' every part of my life. Especially people. I know it is cold, but it keeps things simple. I don't like messes or complications.
What has been bothering me most of all lately, is that I didn't always used to be so disconnected from everyone and everything. I used to be engaging, and doting, and empathetic to everything. Now I am completely unaffected by things that SHOULD bother me, or any other human being... but for some reason I am not.
I self-analyze ALL THE TIME. I frequently re-evaluate and make corrections where needed. I also seem to lack the filter that keeps people from saying what everyone is thinking. I'm not nice enough to lie. =) On the other hand, I tend to command attention wherever I go. I can absolutely put on my game face which is pleasant, witty, and charming... but inside I am reading the room and the people in it. I can pick a person's personality defects apart in a matter of seconds. I can even identify the clear defects in my own... but I have no explanation as to why I am this way, and whether or not I should try to change. And if I do decide to change, what corrections should I make?
There you go.. no one asked for that TMI contribution of mine, but maybe just maybe someone on here has some helpful advice. To be honest, had I not read this thread, I would have continued thinking I am the only one like this... and I think ultimately that would have been worse. So thank you in advance for any helpful advice given.