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Thread: Funniest House M.D. quotes

  1. #1
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    Talking Funniest House M.D. quotes



    A few samples of the funniest medical series so far (yes, yes, hospitals can be funny places too, provided enough sarcasms !) :
    Dr. Wilson: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
    Dr. Gregory House: And triteness kicks us in the nads.
    Dr. Gregory House: You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.
    Dr. Eric Foreman: You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?
    Dr. Gregory House: The one that starts, "First, do no harm", then goes on to tell us: no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone? Yeah, took a read once. Wasn't impressed.
    Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.
    Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
    Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
    Dr. Robert Chase: I'd give her two months.
    Dr. Gregory House: On the bright side, it still means I was right
    Dr. Wilson: [to House] Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. Very caveman.
    Dr. Eric Foreman: No neurologist in his right mind would recommend that.
    Dr. Gregory House: Show of hands: who thinks I'm not in my right mind? And who thinks I forget this very basic neurological fact? Who thinks there's a third option?
    [Dr. Chase raises his hand]
    Dr. Gregory House: Very good. What's the third choice?
    Dr. Robert Chase: No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.
    Dr. Eric Foreman: "The body does crazy things." Well, that explains everything.
    Stacy Warner: God, you are such an idiot.
    Dr. Gregory House: Actually, I thought I was more of a jerk.
    Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die that she may have cheated on him?
    Dr. Gregory House: No, I want you to be polite and let her die.
    Dr. Cameron: [outraged] You pulled my medical records?
    Dr. Gregory House: You coughed the other day, I was concerned.
    Dr. Cameron: You were curious. Like an eight year old boy with a puzzle that's just a little too grown up for him to figure out.
    [stalks off]
    Dr. Gregory House: To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to...
    Dr. Cameron: I'm the only one who's always stood behind you when you've screwed up.
    Dr. Gregory House: Why? Why would you support someone who screws up?
    Dr. Cameron: Because I'm not insanely insecure, and because I can actually trust in another human being, and I am not an angry, misanthropic son of a *****.
    Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. You said you *weren't* angry.
    Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
    Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.
    Dr. Gregory House: McPhearson? Horrible doctor, I heard he tortured kittens.
    Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, McDonald.
    Dr. Gregory House: Oh, McDonald? Wonderful Doctor, loves kittens
    Dr. Gregory House: I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?
    Dr. Lisa Cuddy: How is waking me up in the middle of the night to lie to a patient supposed to convince me you're better than House?
    Dr. Eric Foreman: [holds up coffee] I brought you coffee?
    Dr. Cameron, Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: [speaking about patient's symptoms] We've got rectal bleeding.
    Dr. Gregory House: What, all three of you?
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  2. #2
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    More good stuff :

    Dr. House: You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to get you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the street, I know you look both ways.
    Lucas Palmero: This is a good hospital?
    Dr. House: Depends what you mean by 'good'. [looks around] I like these chairs.
    Dr. House: So, when I said "no psych meds", I'm just curious, which word didn't you understand?
    Dr. Foreman: The Haldol had nothing to do with the bleed. You know that. I used it purely as a chemical restraint.
    Dr. House: Oh, great, well, that's good to hear. So she won't experience any of those pesky little side effects you get when your motives aren't pure.
    Dr. House: Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritating recently.
    Dr. Cameron: And?
    Dr. House: I didn't know it was possible for a woman to be unusually irritable.
    Dr. Foreman: Why are you riding me?
    Dr. House: It's what I do...has it gotten worse lately?
    Dr. Foreman: Yeah. Seems to me.
    Dr. House: Really. Well, that rules out the race thing. 'Cause you were just as black last week.
    Dr. Foreman: The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseous and disoriented.
    Dr. House: That's the way calculus presents.
    Dr. House: I, Margo Davis, have been informed of the risks which may arise from my refusal of advised medical care. I hereby release―
    Margo: Who are you?
    Dr. House: I work for the hospital. ―the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, its employees agents, and otherwise from any adverse medical conditions resulting from my refusal. It is not the hospital's fault if my son kicks off.
    Margo: Kicks off?
    Dr. House: I punched up the language, mostly for clarification. I understand my doctors consider my decision to be completely idiotic―
    Margo: Why are you doing this?
    Dr. House: ―but I am convinced that I know more than they do, I took a biology course in high school. I assume that's... yeah. Besides, I enjoy controlling every single aspect of my son's life, even if it means his death. Sign here, please. I brought a pen.
    Margo: Who are you?
    Dr. House: I'm the doctor who's trying to save your son. You're the mom who's letting him die. Clarification: it's a beautiful thing.
    Dr. Foreman: You assaulted that man.
    Dr. House: Fine. I'll never do it again.
    Dr. Foreman: Yes, you will.
    Dr. House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.
    Dr. Chase: You can trust me.
    Dr. House: Problem is, if I can't trust you, I can't trust your statement that I can trust you. But thanks anyway, you've been a big help.
    Dr. House: You ever see an infected pierced scrotum?
    Dr. Cuddy: Um, no, but I know a few people on whom I'd like to see it happen.
    Last edited by Maciamo; 07-07-08 at 12:17.

  3. #3
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    Nice! It's always nice to hear about another fan of the series House. I have one, but it's not as thorough as your list of quotes.

    This is the episode on the extremely obese man: One of House's team members tells him that the obese man "wants to leave". House responds, "Oh yeah, places to go, people to eat."

    I know, far from perfect, but it's the best that I could remember....

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    Amazing stuff. I probably should watch the show more often.

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    yes me too, whish to see the serie too

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    Arrow

    huge thanks for quotes!
    i just adore House M.D

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    "Amazing stuff. I probably should watch the show more often."

    Same with me, wish to see more on the series.

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