A few samples of the funniest medical series so far (yes, yes, hospitals can be funny places too, provided enough sarcasms !) :
Dr. Wilson: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
Dr. Gregory House: And triteness kicks us in the nads.
Dr. Gregory House: You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?
Dr. Gregory House: The one that starts, "First, do no harm", then goes on to tell us: no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone? Yeah, took a read once. Wasn't impressed.
Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'd give her two months.
Dr. Gregory House: On the bright side, it still means I was right
Dr. Wilson: [to House] Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. Very caveman.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No neurologist in his right mind would recommend that.
Dr. Gregory House: Show of hands: who thinks I'm not in my right mind? And who thinks I forget this very basic neurological fact? Who thinks there's a third option?
[Dr. Chase raises his hand]
Dr. Gregory House: Very good. What's the third choice?
Dr. Robert Chase: No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.
Dr. Eric Foreman: "The body does crazy things." Well, that explains everything.
Stacy Warner: God, you are such an idiot.
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, I thought I was more of a jerk.
Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die that she may have cheated on him?
Dr. Gregory House: No, I want you to be polite and let her die.
Dr. Cameron: [outraged] You pulled my medical records?
Dr. Gregory House: You coughed the other day, I was concerned.
Dr. Cameron: You were curious. Like an eight year old boy with a puzzle that's just a little too grown up for him to figure out.
[stalks off]
Dr. Gregory House: To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to...
Dr. Cameron: I'm the only one who's always stood behind you when you've screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Why? Why would you support someone who screws up?
Dr. Cameron: Because I'm not insanely insecure, and because I can actually trust in another human being, and I am not an angry, misanthropic son of a *****.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. You said you *weren't* angry.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.
Dr. Gregory House: McPhearson? Horrible doctor, I heard he tortured kittens.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, McDonald.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, McDonald? Wonderful Doctor, loves kittens
Dr. Gregory House: I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: How is waking me up in the middle of the night to lie to a patient supposed to convince me you're better than House?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [holds up coffee] I brought you coffee?
Dr. Cameron, Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: [speaking about patient's symptoms] We've got rectal bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: What, all three of you?