Yesterday, I stood on the edge of a platform but I was too afraid to jump onto the tracks. I'm planning to end my life because I am graduating from college next semester with a 2.5 GPA. My GPA was below 2.0 during my freshman and sophomore years, but I had a 3.8 during my senior year. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do now to change the past. I cry every second wishing that I could go back in time and do better in college. Now, I will never get a job or get into a Masters program. I won't be able to pursue my dream career as a paleoanthropologist or an archaeologist. I am an anthropology major interested in working for a museum, an archaeological research center, or a national park. Most employers ask for college transcripts and no one will hire someone who graduated with a 2.5. I don't want to flip burgers for the rest of my life. How could I kill myself without feeling any pain? One of my friends told me to drink bleach, but I know that bleach burns the lungs and digestive system. Could anyone suggest some other methods?
When I was in second grade we learned about what people need to be happy and feel satisfied. It's really easy and I use it on bad days as a QA process.
I ask myself these questions when everything is closing in:
1. People need a good night's sleep. When was the last time I had a good night's sleep? Not just one night either, sometimes months go by without good sleep.
2. People need to eat. When was the last time I had good food? Americans like myself eat poorly, usually junk that makes you feel bad and sad. A lot of food is filled with hormones, salts and preservatives. That isn't soul food. Some nutrients make you feel good like Vitamin D and C. Put good things in, better results.
3. People need shelter and assurance. We all want to know that we will have a home tomorrow and our needs will be met. When we are cold, wet, afraid and poorly dressed we are like wet dogs; not happy. We can make small improvements with what we got.
4. People need physical activity. (I added this one) What did Forrest Gump do when things got bad? He went for a run. You got to sweat. Go to a suana. Get all the toxins out of your body. It invigorates your body. It is like a reset button. It's worth joining a gym if only you use the sauna and hot tub.
5.
People need love. (not idiot Kim Kardashian love)
St. Augustine commented on the four loves.
a. Love of God (above you)
b. Love those who have nothing to offer you or who are beneath you (the weak, the old, the sick, the poor, the crippled, the downtrodden)
c. Love that is mutual (we are all good at this)
d. Love of oneself
The person who kills himself does in fact love himself. It is out of self-mercy that he jumps from a bridge. But he loves
only himself and cares little for the mouths that need to be fed at home or about those he leaves behind in agony, and he cares not for why God put him on the earth in the first place.
The person who commits suicide is entirely focused on his own needs, not those of his fellow man, many of whom suffer greatly in this life.
You need to focus on the important things. Tell someone they are beautiful. Open a door for a little old lady. Thank God for every moment.