the baby is innocent and the dad is....

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kyarupisu

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This thread is a bit serious and intense..I am Japanese and I don't know what it is like to get married or raising kid for europeans...my european(swedish)fiancee suddenly started to say he gave up upon this life..with his kid left in my stomach..ive been pregnant for 8month now.He will just leave Japan and go back to Sweden to study in 1month.He said he doesn't have money ,even if he had worked early in the morning till late here.
however,could it be the right reason for giving up this life,not to have enough money..?i feel it is very strange. He even owe me money for living here and doesnt want to pay me back!
He is quite irresponsible and mean on money usually..and how on earth he can do such thing right now..iam qutite depressed and i feel bad for the baby for not having dad around her.
Don't you think it is quite against morality?
Is this kind of things oftnen happening in europe?
In japan it is a very bad thing and social system is not well prepared for this type of case.
I would like to hear YOUR EUROPEAN OPINION...
 
I do not know of any similar cases in Europe (there probably are, but not among my acquaintances), so you must have fallen on one of the worse guy possible. I agree that this is irresponsible and immoral. Stealing money from you (or not wanting to pay you back) is actually a crime. What you could do though is prove his paternity by doing a DNA test, then go to court in Sweden (not easy for a Japanese with a baby, I know), explain to the court that the father left you and ask for an alimony.
 
actually i am thinking if i should have a lawyer for help or not.
even worse, he just told me that he is still within marriage to another japanese.he didn't tell me about it until 2weeks ago.
the swedish embassy in japan replied to me that his engagement with me is not illeagal.i was surprised...!
i think at least he should be blamed for hiding the marriage.
i don't want to live in japan because you can never say the surroundings for people like me is comfortable. also, my parent is quite unhappy about me being a single mother.
my friend is even suggenting that i should go to the embassy with a placard and ask for an visa for mother of a swedish kid without marriage...she says she could talk to the swedish media....haha...
 
It is not illegal to have a extramarital relationship in Sweden and many other European countries, because marriage does not mean much nowadays in Europe. 80% of people with children in Sweden are not married, but almost all do live as if they were married, as a couple. As getting divorce is much more difficult in Europe than in Japan (it takes months and sometimes lots of money for court), many couples just live separated and get another partner. That is why the Swedish embassy does not see any problem with someone being married and having a relation with someone else.

What is important in your case is that he left you once you were pregnant, because a father has legl responsibility for his child. For the court, it doesn't matter for your case whether he was married or not (but it could matter to his wife if they were not separated).

My advice is first to have your baby (try not to overdo it as your are 8 months pregnant), rest, then once you have recovered from childbirth, go to Sweden, get a Swedish lawyer (and translator if necessary) and sue him for abandoning you and your/his baby.
 
Thank you for your advice :->
I will check about how to have swedish lawer after I explain to him again about my situation..he wants to get away from this problem and doesn't want to listen to me so far..he said he will be ready after he finished packing.

I see.I told him and want him to understand that I am Japanese and marriage still means a lot in this country from the view of social system.

The problem is that I am Japanese and I am under the controll of Japanese laws and with difficult surroundings.
If I am left here with the child,that means I have to live uncomfortablely,my family won't accept this, I don't know what to say to my friends..surroundings are so bad in here..it seems like I have to hide from people I know and live underground...

His wife also didn't know about our life. I saw her just to tell her the truth.
She said she just couldn't stand the life with him and wanted to live seperately 2 years ago.
The real reason he can't live with me in Sweden now is that
A. he doesn't have enough money or doesn't want to pay for me until I get a job there.
B. I can't get any visa with his marriage..because divorce is not that easy as you mentioned.He is too lazy..he doesn't have courage to do..

But, he loves the baby.
Wish I could get an visa.
If only I can get the personal number,I know what to do to make a living there,and we can help taking care of the baby each other...

I didn't know I would have this kind of trouble...I was living in peace.
 
I'm afraid that I can only echo Maciamo's advice to try and find a good lawyer. :worried:
But I would like to say that I am really sorry to hear about your trouble, and I hope that you can find a solution that way.
 
You do not need a visa to stay in Sweden for up to 3 months (maybe even 6 months ?). If you go there, any trip back to Japan, or just a say trip to Norway should get you a new visa for 3 more months.
 
Thanks Maciamo and Kinsao..^^
yes..theres also such a way to stay there...first i think i will check how the goverment help people with kids.
i dont know wat is waiting me in the future but i hope it will be ok :->
 
kyarupisu,
I'm really sorry to hear that you are under such a stress. I can't imagine how scared you are for not knowing what is going to happen to your future. I hope you are getting some support from your family and friends.

I found some article that you might be interested in and maybe useful.
http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/897/context/archive

I hope things will work out for you.
 
Hi Misa,
I couldn't write back soon.Thanks for the information.
Yes, things would be much easier if this country was not old-fashioned..but still it's just sad that we have to broke up like this..and I should have known him better.After all those talking and arguing with him, I 've noticed he has some kind of mental sickness..his way of feeling thing is strange..he is also a sad guy himself.He just can't live without hurting someone.
 
kyarupisu,
I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing OK. :worried:
 
I'm also sorry to ear that, It is useless now but I want to assure you that what might look like normal for a Swedish guy it is not absolutely normal for an Italian or Greek.

He misbehaved big time with you. Just make him recognise the child as his own and let him pay, you and the child may live a better life without him.
 
cursore said:
I'm also sorry to ear that, It is useless now but I want to assure you that what might look like normal for a Swedish guy it is not absolutely normal for an Italian or Greek.
Click to expand...

I don't think there is anything more normal about this situation in Sweden than in Italy. :blush:
 
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