One think that took me a long time to understand in the Japanese mentality is that after doing something wrong (e.g. arriving late, forgetting to do something you were asked to do, etc.), the Japanese do not want to hear justifications or excuses, but simply an apology ("I am sorry").
This is something that hugely conflict with my own way of thinking, because it is the exact opposite of how I feel about it. If someone does something wrong that angers me, an apology, even formal in serious cases, and even prostrating oneself to the ground and cry, will have little or no effect on me.
The thing is I do not forgive easily and certainly not forget. But the best way to obtain forgiveness is not to apologize for one's deeds, but to repair the wrong done, or if it is not so serious, find a good justification. Actually, I am more likely to forgive someone who tries hard to find a good excuses (if possible with supporting facts) than someone who simply apologizes. But I realised that in Japan, the best justification (even with hard facts and witnesses) will mean nothing until the person has apologized. Once someone say "sorry", that's it, and everything is cleared as if nothing had happened !
This is as much true for politicians involved in serious scandals or doctors who committed some malpractice and caused someone (or several people)'s death, as with the HIV contaminated blood transfusion case showed a few years ago.
What about you ?
This is something that hugely conflict with my own way of thinking, because it is the exact opposite of how I feel about it. If someone does something wrong that angers me, an apology, even formal in serious cases, and even prostrating oneself to the ground and cry, will have little or no effect on me.
The thing is I do not forgive easily and certainly not forget. But the best way to obtain forgiveness is not to apologize for one's deeds, but to repair the wrong done, or if it is not so serious, find a good justification. Actually, I am more likely to forgive someone who tries hard to find a good excuses (if possible with supporting facts) than someone who simply apologizes. But I realised that in Japan, the best justification (even with hard facts and witnesses) will mean nothing until the person has apologized. Once someone say "sorry", that's it, and everything is cleared as if nothing had happened !
This is as much true for politicians involved in serious scandals or doctors who committed some malpractice and caused someone (or several people)'s death, as with the HIV contaminated blood transfusion case showed a few years ago.
What about you ?