THE WEDDING
From the moment the wedding date is set, the groom's house begins daily preparations for this ceremony. The public/official moment of the wedding's commencement is considered to be the moment when the household members start to clean the wheat for the preparation of the traditional wedding dish, called qyshkek, which is made of boiled wheat with water and sugar.
This process is mainly of a ritual character. It is carried out in the yard, three days before the start of the wedding.
On two sofra (traditional low tables), a certain amount of wheat is poured, which is then cleaned by the old women and girls of the clan and the neighborhood, accompanied by songs and dancing with tambourine and "tepsi" (a type of large copper or aluminum baking pan). Then the wheat is beaten - pressed with "dybek" - so it is easier to boil.
Meanwhile, as far as the men are concerned, the wedding starts by cutting the wood and preparing the men's oda (reception room), as well as the cook's preparations. These things are done after they have been discussed with relatives and fellow-villagers. This is organized three days before the wedding starts, and at this point they divide all the different tasks between family and clan members. The head of the house is in charge of (food) supplies, while organizing and working with the wedding ceremony itself is delegated to relatives and neighbors.
Wedding invitations
When the wedding was organized according to traditional norms, the process of inviting the wedding guests, depending on distances, started one month before the day of the wedding. The wedding day was set 4 to 6 weeks in advance, in order to allow the family of the groom to prepare better for the wedding. Only close relatives could be invited a minimum of one week before the wedding. Inviting a friend 3 or 4 days before the wedding was considered a great insult and he would not reply to the invitation. The invitation would then be accepted only in cases where a special messenger was sent to the door in order to invite that certain person. Invitations made at the market, at the mill, or at some accidental encounter/meeting were not be taken into account. The messenger - person who delivers the invitations - had to be a man and under no circumstances a could it have been a child or juvenile.
It was a particular honor if the head of the house went to invite someone to the wedding personally. Wedding invitations were for the whole family, which meant that all members of that family were invited to the wedding; as far as the daughters were concerned, they were invited as a couple, i.e. with their husbands, as it was considered shameful to invite a woman without her husband.
There were cases when single people (one person from a family) were invited, which was usually the head of the house. However, if he was unable to attend the wedding he would send a "man" from the same house, the same family. A distant relative invited to the wedding could bring two persons to accompany him to the wedding, and this was considered a particular honor for the head of wedding, so the guests were also given great attention and respect from the groom's family. The number of wedding participants usually increased after dinner, when uninvited guests, such as acquaintances from the village and the surrounding villages, arrived and stayed all night to celebrate. With the exception of being served the dinner, the uninvited guests received the same services as the invited guests.
These traditional ways of organizing a wedding already belong to the past, as nowadays invitations are made and accepted via the telephone and other forms of communication.
Wedding gifts
At traditional weddings, the gifts were dedicated to the household that gave the wedding party, and not to the groom. Gifts ranged from modest ones, one kilo of sugar (in lumps) or 1 kilo of coffee, up to a ram or an ox. These last two gifts were usually brought by the uncles for the nephew, or from "jaran" - those who had become very close friends during war, military service or living abroad. These gifts were brought by men.
Meanwhile, women would bring pies made with fat from "buallice" (a type of cow) or sheep.
With the passing of time and lifestyle changes, modern circumstances have resulted in different types of gifts, from cutlery to clothing accessories, household items or even money.
The wedding night
On the morning before the Wedding Night, the man in charge of the wedding orders the raising of the national flag in a visible place at the "oda e krushqve" - wedding participants - which symbolizes beginning of the wedding and is an invitation to everyone to "celebrate the marriage of NN". The head of the family, usually the groom's father or a close relative, stays inside the oda to welcome all the guests who come to give their congratulates.
Visitors can also be welcomed by an elderly man from the brotherhood. The visitors are served coffee and cigarettes.
Oda" of bridegroom's men (krushq)
The reception room where the wedding guests (krushq) are welcomed and received is called an oda. Designated persons with specific tasks are placed at certain points in order to receive and welcome the guests and guide them to the oda.
When guests arrive at the entrance of the oda they are welcomed by an "odabashi" who guides them to their place in oda; certain persons are also designated to take care of the carts, horses and oxen.
"Pritesit" the people that welcome the guests, are in charge of receiving the gifts from the guests at the entrance to the yard and wishing them welcome.
According to tradition, as the guest approaches the oda they fire shots as a sign of arrival (shots would usually be fired by the uncle of the groom, or a close friend of the family).
The seating places in the oda also had their own significance, the fireplace side was always reserved for the clergy, but, in their absence, elderly persons coming from respected far away lands could also be seated there. A special place is also reserved for the "bajraktar" (the person in charge of holding the flag) for elderly men according to their age and level of friendship with the head of the family, for the village teacher, doctors, and for uninvited guests who come in company of invited ones.
When the guests are seated, the "pritës" of the oda will welcome them, greet and thank them for taking the trouble to come to the wedding - usually using these expressions:
a question directed to the eldest men of the "pritësit":
…are you wedding a man? the elderly man answers: …yes, I am
Then the guest says, "Congratulations and may they have good fortune, may they have a lot descendants, and may you see the birth and marriage of many grandsons and granddaughters", to which the elder replies: "Thank you for coming and may you have good fortune"
Cigarettes and coffee are served constantly. Soon after the guests gather, the singers arrive. These are usually two people from the region who are known to cultivate the folkloric tradition. The repertoire of songs is very diverse, ranging from historic songs, to elegies and lyric songs, so they suit the taste and requests of guests of every age.
Shots would be fired at the end of the songs or even during them, as a sign of admiration for the characters in the songs, their deeds, or because of memories of youth.
Wedding Day
On the wedding day, all the tasks must be carried out in time; the preparation of the "bride's carriage", the "seksana's carriage" (dowry carriage), feeding the wedding guests before departing for the bride's house, selecting the bridesmaids for the bride's carriage, the "old woman of the carriage" and the "carriage boy".
The celebrations on the wedding day continue in the same manner as on the night before the wedding.
The departure time to the house of the bride depends on its distance from the groom's house, however it is always after lunch. The order of procession of the wedding guests is regulated by "odabashi", who used to be called "quash".
The bride's carriage is covered with red rugs. In olden times, an elderly woman, accompanied by another bride from the house and a small boy would leave along with the bride's carriage.
As the years went by, the number of people traveling with the bride's carriage eventually rose to nine people.
The carriage boy would usually be five to ten years of age. He had to have both parents and have sisters and brothers.
After the procession of the wedding guests has been put in order, it is led by the "bajraktar" - historically, the flag was held by two elderly people who were skilled at handling weapons, because they had to protect the flag if necessary.
After the flagman came the clergy, followed by the elderly men and then the rest of the guests, according to age and how well they were respected.
The departure of wedding guests (bridegroom's men) was accompanied by highland songs and gunshots.
When approaching the house of the bride the singers would start singing highland songs again, in order to announce their arrival. Young men from the bride's family would attend to the horses and carriages whilethe bridegroom's men were visiting the bride's house.
After everyone is seated, the "pritësit" welcome the bridegroom's men.
The father of the bride addresses the father of the groom, or some other appointed person, and congratulates him on the marriage, thus leading the way to others to congratulate each other. This is followed by coffee and cigarettes. Then, the singers begin to sing. Those present in the room listen to the songs in silence. When the song is over, someone announces "we are ready, but we can stay as much as you like" as a sign that it is time for the bridegroom's men to leave.
While the bridegroom's men were in the oda, the flag was guarded by one of the members of the bride's family.When the bridegroom's men are ready to leave, the flagman leaves first, rewards the guard with money for guarding the flag and takes the flag, which has been decorated with gifts in the meantime, shirts and towels, etc.
The bride is taken out of the house by her brother, who punches her in the back. Handing her over to the father of the groom is done by her father , while they hold each other's hands and say, "Congratulations and may my blood be of your service".
The departure of the bridegroom's men is accompanied by highland songs and gunshots from both sides.
When the wedding procession arrives in the village, the participants once again start singing highland songs and shooting. Before passing the gates to the yard, one of the participants in the procession calls the groom by name three times and shoots into the air three times.
When the bridal carriage enters the yard of the house, an elderly woman throws candies mixed with corn, wheat and coins over the carriage. On the ground, where the bride will first step when leaving the carriage, a member of the groom's family will place a colander or a bushel containing a chicken egg and covered with a sack.
Before the bride is taken out of the carriage, according to tradition, a young boy has to enter the carriage, however he is blindfolded so that he cannot see the bride, only touch her. The bride is not allowed to look at the boy either, except to give him a gift, which he must not open until the end of the wedding.
The bride climbs down from the carriage with the help of her father-in-law or brother-in-law. The bride's first step out of the carriage is taken with her right foot, while with her right hand she touches the horse's buttocks.
She also steps on to the sack in front of her with her right foot, and then she is led to her place on the divan. At this time the groom is hidden somewhere in the house and he watches the bride. The bride does the same thing.
While this is happening the wedding guests sing and dance, accompanied by the music.
After staying for about half an hour on the divan, a plate with honey is brought to the bride, into which she dips her fingers. At the moment she enters the house, she will touch the top of the door frame three times with her fingers. She is then led into her room to rest for a while. However, whenever someone enters the room, be they young or old, the bride has to stand up as a sign of respect.